va

so. met a kannibal (big deal). he was relatable (uh....... NOT LIKE THAT!!!!!!! X_X)

anyway. so i say. i forgot.

an. i forgot. wow. wonderful.

anyway. the nanochip is fulfilling its prophecy. when i just checked after the second vaccine.

the direction had all changed. on google scholar, it was how the nanochip could.. well.. heal anything. make us truly immortal.

i dunno if thats a good idea. but, hey..

everyone has an agenda. bitchute is pathetic. like they say. rightwing and leftwing is the same bird. flocks of a feather.

hey. im sorry i gave you a nightmare tracey. not something to be proud of.

anyway. like ive mentioned. freckles are green. electrum green. were gonna live forever. if youre old enough. well. youll be green. lots. why theres only 2% of us on earth. cant have us everywhere! wed be fighting over which town to control! lol.

anyway. like nietzsche said. "and the wise men have their insanity".

so. i remember this chick now. some sweet compliments she said. sweetheart! ^_^

and. uh. i checked her up. found a newer account. she was playing with guns? DUDE? no thanks..

anyway. electrum is a collection of metals. its gold. and. well. anything really. copper. platina. titanium. i guess the dragon story was correct. the unseen collect souls. its the only real currency. or souls are bodies. its confusing.. and maybe dragons turn to diamonds when they die.

anyway. i wrote one more part in the dragon story. its lost though. boo. sad smiley.

i checked up some on miss poetry site.

omg. cant believe there was a fucking serial killer as part of the welcome committee.

well. not like im any better. i dont even need to see someone to vanquish them from the universe. all i need is 1 proper name. and lots of time..

well, no, except for bella, i can sort of.. think of them once. and they just disappear. fun. not. takes about 1/10th second. and i have time. oh lord do i. the greys take advantage of this. in the despair. but ive had that. since.. that stolen computer.

i guess we are eternal. well. w. i dunno.

loneliness is great. you begin to actually think through shit.

or you go through all your life.

and have your first fucking depression at 50? dude. i guess youre one of the lucky ones. heart smiley.

anyway. anyone falls in love with me all the time.

i know a lot of people complain.

put up a show. but i really dont.

i barely have to say anything.

them neither. lol.

so. there was this chick called camilla. she.. i didnt recognize her.

except. it was jessica. i guess something changed. when i broke her heart.

she died went to hell. and didnt turn to an angel.

so. i cant really.. blame anything. on what happens.

ive always been. how ive always been.

there is no truth. there is really.. no nothing.

"the theory of life could include error"

now. computers. electronics.

dont exactly make things better.

but. nothing really changes.

nothing gets better.

nothing gets worse.

its just how it is.

how its always been.

will i live my life again? what a waste.

again. that prophecy. or curse? whats the fucking difference?

"you give 10

you get 10

you recieve 10"

uh. cant even remember it. maybe it was 4 things. who gives a fuck.

as for the "get 10". might be those 10 years for arson. nope. prophecy was wrong.

i recieve 10? 10 more years. but death can mean many things.

i cant really say that my life has ever been good.

but i tried. to spruce it up. but it doesnt matter.

made someone laugh today. or did i? i dunno.

ive never ever ever made the countess laugh.

i havent even thought of that.

she doesnt seem fake.

or anything.

she doesnt do the SUPERGOOD shit.

the only one except that is bella.

so. julia wanted to see me 6 years later.

i wonder why though. she was just fake.

i guess she hadnt changed. she just. wanted to teach me lessons.

shes a khazarian. ashkenazi jew. j2a bloodline.

theyre the rulers of the universe.

well. she said that magic word. "telepathy".

and she was fucked up beyond belief.

but it didnt matter.

she still had her mind. sometimes. lol.

she wasnt fake. well. the first time. we were to and fro.

and things dont happen how you want them.

how theyre supposed to be.

then life would be boring.

"if it was easy to get. then it wouldnt have been worth the time it took"

anyway. i cant really explain it. but.. computers make me less lonely.

like...... when it was just so horrible. i recorded myself talking.

and the loneliness disappeared. how the fuck do you explain that?

yes. i am oversensitive.

if someone is mocking.

and . well. i dunno. wtf?

i get it now. miss mom said she just PLOP!!!ed out me and my sis.

well. me though. i was treated to rubbing alcohol afterwards.

you know. remove the blood and shit. dangerous bacteria!!!! (paradox?)

and. as for my sis. i dunno. how she managed.

she really didnt. ya see. she was a demon child.

miss mom said she had ammonia. no. dunno how to spell it.

you know. real bad lung infection.

well. i guess she took a bite of an amanita mushroom.

it just makes sense.

she was playing SUPER MARIO!!!!!! yeah!

and he ate mushrooms and turned SUPERSTRONG!!!

and she figured it would work that way for her.

well. it doesnt matter.

shes the most amazing creature on earth.

wherever you go. there you are.

jo! whats up with lana del rey.

could someone somehow in any way be more fucking boring?

so. she likes bikers? so? lots of chicks do.

that dont make you special!

except. she looks like cecilia.

she was a trip. no. another cecilia.

and as for the countess.

shes. just.. made up everything.

i have no idea what shes done with her life.

shes like t-1000 in terminator 2.

she can emulate voices. its creepy.

but hey. if shes a virgin? wouldnt surprise me.

but. yeah. it broke my heart seeing her in closed psychiatric care.

and it was so beautiful. shed plucked an easterlily.

i dont care for sex. or relations.

or talking. or anything really.

but that flower.

it was just the sweetest gesture ever.

shes genuine. eventhough shes not.

paradoxes beyond paradoxes.

as for me. i steal souls.

great for me.

and all the prophicies are coming true.

and. this is just my world.

i mean. everyone exists in it.

but only in the way i interpret it.

if i look at the sunset.

or the universes quadriollion stars.¨

only i see that.

if i photo it. photoshop it?

only i see what i see what i see.

its a trip. its life. its. what it is.

the theory of life could include error.

hypertrip.

anyway. i realized what miss economy tried to tell me.

she pretended she only knew knifesouth dialect.

well. no point in being angry.

an eye for an eye leaves the world blind.

well. my dad shifted too.

when....... he was tired.

paranoid. i guess. i dunno what he did behind closed doors.

it doesnt matter. he was a good dad. he made some mistakes.

but hes dead. what the FUCK am i gonna do about that?

and you cant change people. you cant change yourself.

you can change the world? but it doesnt matter.

its an illusion. even the concept of illusions are illusions.

even a concept of concepts is just a concept.

there are no facts. only interpretations.

well. the world is pathetic. but i guess animals dont have it much fun either.

and besides. animals get high too. so i guess theyre not the nicest.

they do seem to have stronger will.

i mean, if i look at a person they just freak out.

a dog doesnt care. a cat. well. neither. lol.

animals are neat.

its weird how everything happened. and thats that.

and i havent changed. and nothing changes.

and. i dunno what conclusion to draw from that.

i dont like a lot of art. or anything really.

but thats what its about.

finding your twinflame. i hope youre happy tracey?

and i wish you good luck on your journey.

whatever happens. ill be there. ok?

but you know that.

show, dont tell.

and im just a show. a showstopper.

a worldraper.

because. im a tyrannosaurus rex.

or. peacock. lol.

or. rooster.

hen.

chicken.

great. sad smiley.

im just an egg.

in my bubble.

shielded from everything.

seeing things from a distance.

doesnt make me better than anyone.

it does make me worse.

i dunno really.

i cant read peoples minds.

if youre genuine.

it matters.

its all that matters.

but if you do something.

you get it. eventually.

and you change.

but nothing changes.

so it doesnt really matter.

I DONT GET SHIT!!! lol. sad smiley.

as for turning normal. GOD DAMN that was boring.

just being angry and having no words to express it.

and no one giving a fuck about you.

and even if you do express your anger?

what will that give you?

as for me asking people "why did you say so-and-so?"

and they always answer the name "i did not say that"

i mean. its self-evident.

its like "i did not have sex with that woman miss lewinsky"

for real. so i did some test.

and. FOR REAL!!!!!!

they fucking asked me.

now. this is the creepy part.

they asked me.

if i see connections?

like. between things?

dude? what?

im not a fucking labrat.

im not a fucking gold hamster.

im not an amoeba.

im not a transistor.

im not fully automatic.

im not a robot.

i am not programmable.

i am not conditionable.

well. i dont feel like posting this to mr poetry site.

if i get suicidal again? great.

i know when it started. 2017? 2018? dunno.

since miss mom fucked her dad.

got fucking pregnant with him. gross dude.

thats just wrong.

she wanted to perpetuate that.

i mean. since i was like. what? 13? younger?

she used to come to my room.

sit on my bed. and fucking.. say my bed is comfy?

she did this constantly.

until like. last year? wtf?

uhm. no. i dont wanna fuck a robot?

there is really nothing good about you.

youre a joke.

youre a sicko.

youre a bad fucking joke.

just go drown yourself or something.

then youll "get wet".

because thats all that matters? right?

anyway. so miss moms been at my place for awhile.

and she opens a can of beer. drinks it.

after half is up. she says. you want some?

i cant handle a whole.

i mean. its like im in the fucking truman show.

it so pathetic.

and i tried it some.

using code words.

power words.

and....... its so fucking deficient.

hey. you know what?

i used to be truly majorly depressed.

i used those words.

i didnt notice it.

yep. i had anxiety 24/7.

then not much later i found fountain house.

well. they can go fuck emselves.

i liked the radio show.

they actually had ambitions.

why would i fucking want to cook food?

do i look like a housewife to you?

and write some stupid shit on a fucking whiteboard

that no one gives a fuck about?

its like grade school over again.

but worse. and the bullies fucking run the place.

and you dont get grades based on how good you are.

its on how corrupt you are. its just. jesus christ?

as for the psychiatric system. theyre alright.

they are fucked up beyond belief.

but how does it matter?

its not fun to be left alone.

to be chased by wolves.

or get abducted by aliens.

hey. maybe they did that. abducted me.

as a kid. it was close to the woods. like. uh. literally.

10 meters. except. aliens love desolate places.

fucking creepy. and. remember those 5g towers?

in botkyrka. right next to my fucking parents house.

they put up a fucking 5g tower.

DUDE? in the middle of fucking NOWHERE?

whos gonna fucking care about that?

the only way i can explain it.

is theres an underground base ther.

anyway. im getting weird light flashes.

im getting normal. im healing.

as for having a vocabulary.

barely beyond a dog or cat?

like. uh. 3 words? 5 words?

wtf? dude. stop fucking rotting your brains

with weed and beer and that shit.

all that you need is in your soul.

do you understand?

all that you need is in your soul.

when your soul is gone.

youre gone.

and that is that. you dont want to corrupt your soul.

well..... not like i havent done that ^__^

anyway. i realize why i creep out people now.

why they just go quiet.

im nice. then im a fucking freak.

so i found this guy.

he talked wisely on a subject.

tried another video. ok.

warning warning warning.

another video popped up. ok.

interesting but fucked up subject.

the dude had fucking dressed up as a clown.

hes fucking hilarous.

and he talks about the most fucked up shit.

well. thats me. enjoy? sad smiley.

anyway. i heard bella wonders how im doing.

well. she knows that. does she?

im alright. ok. i love you. etc.

happysad smiley.

youre the only one.

so. was to the mall. wow. had like.

REAL clothes on me. since my dress is disgusting.

and. yeah. an other one is drying now.

superawesome!

and people noticed me?

like. things were normal.

and i wasnt... pissed off.

if houses can be cursed.

why not... clothes too?

and i spent too much time there. like. literally.

less than 10 mins.

ok. things are manifesting in my room.

shit. this is creepy.

and some stupid cunt says "carrot top".

ok. great. never going back never going back

no more no more no more.

i dont really get it?

is it because my tits are better than yours?

i...... dont really get it.

whats your fucking problem?

id forgotten all about that.

robots have the most fun.

you do what youre told.

easy as pie.

then you sleep.

the most amazing dreams.

WOAH! ^_^

and today. in boring boring IRL.

was just a deja vu.

literally everything that happened.

every word. was a copy.

hey. if i wanted to view a shit movie again.

id. uh. do that? shit dialogue. shit action.

nothing happens. someone says nigger.

and like. wtf?

deja vu isnt youre on the right track.

it means youre stuck in a loop.

a downward spiral.

fuck you.

anyway. i manifested on 2 frequencies.

quite wild ones.

it made everything weird.

ok. things are creeping me out.

but ive had high voodoo priestessess telling me.

they can throw me across the room.

they never did shit. one cunt. like. pushed a table away some?

ooook?

and she said "crush him". WOAH. that curse i got out of.

in. uh. 5 secs. im impressed!

do that yourself. WE WILL CRUSH THEM LIKE BUGS.

anyway. my eyes are strong. and theyre useful.

if i try to be nice.

things morph. it gets harder.

dont do that.

but my path is already staken.

it doesnt matter.

is that amanda from dresden dolls?

god damn.

so damn happy i dont have to

fucking chase attention anymore?

fucking hated that.

but i tried it so hard.

and i never really got it.

well. one chick said

that i make her feel so evil?

gee. strong words.

well. was "evil" to her once. ENJOY.

(merkstave costs only 99% of your entire

karma in 1 second. quite a lot of shock.

dont worry. trauma isnt dangerous.

the worst thing that happens is you rebirth.

the best thing.. you dont wanna know ^_^)

your fucking misery and fucking

3 motherfucking fuckbuddys per day.

dude. wtf is your problem?

thats just wrong.

and youre no fucking muslim.

youre a whore. an asswhore.

a fagget. a buttboy.

a tomboy. a vegetarian if you wanna.

hop off your fucking fake religion.

you dont pray to god or allah or whatever.

you pray to baal and the prime evils.

you fake piece of shit.

the reason muslims are only to have sex.

to get pregnant.

is the female orgasm is the strongest force.

in the entire universe.

you shouldnt abuse it.

as for faggets? its wrong.

anal sex is like poop.

you literally spawn demons then.

well. dunno.

"evolution? still just a theory" ^_^

anyway. i creep people the fuck out.

explains things. woooooo ^_^

sad smiley.

im sure i shift eyeshape.

you know. snakeeyes?

cateyes. im fucking sure.

would explain things.

la di da. g night ^_^

so. why do i like hiphop?

i...... dont?

but i dont get lyrics of

other genres.

and i dont really care

for the music

part anymore.

i dont like depth.

oxes are evidently

down to earth.

hmm. whatever.

now its sinking again.

no such thing

as realistic.

i used to

"listening to music

while lying in bed"

its difficult to be

miserable when you

dont have emotions.

i used to interupt

people a lot more

before. now i just

say a few things

and they reply

"youre so wise".

well. i never really

get what people mean.

and. i dont mind them.

with how they are.

saras dude once said.

"everyone is different"

he sounded serious about it.

so. i have other sisters?

but i dont know about them

im useless at making shit up.

as for my stories. well. they

were pathetic. someone said

they were brutal. wow. didnt

know it was like that. but im

a guy. guys are supposed to be

brutal. no such thing as a

gentleman. there was a guy.

who didnt have anything private

on facebook. i wondered why.

now i know. i dont know if he was

palestinian or whatever. he moved

back there. he looked happy.

as for things happening. or not?

i dont believe in that. some christian

dude said that whatever happens happens.

maybe the resistance movement is.. a hoax?

and.. i dont believe in the soul. the eternal

soul. is it possible to make things better?

i dont think so. "you have made a difference".

i dont get it. what is the meaning of life?

"i dont know. maybe thats the point.

that we are supposed to search for it"

as for that disgusting smart rapper.

maybe thats the point? you get entertainment.

and you get insights. you cant just spam

people with smartness. its never worked for me

to learn anything. and if its abstract?

that hasnt worked for me. and the meme

culture? they say things its not possible

to say otherwise. you cant just go up to

someone and call them an idiot. thats

not how it works.................. ?

i guess the sheena entity was right.

one compliment one insult one compliment.

they wont know what hit them. hmm.

oh well. what is the meaning of life?

the north americans didnt build anything.

didnt have high tech defence. didnt collect

gold. they knew something. or did they?

makes you wonder. and south america.

maybe that was hell on earth? it still is.

the more things change the more they stay the same.

the vikings were good people. or were they?

its all so confusing. paradoxical. who can you trust?

thanks for putting up with me tracey. for so long.

thanks for giving me a dream. i dont know how its

important. make the world better. i dont know.

its easy to talk. and its all i know.

some days ago. maybe some week. everything was perfect.

but i gulped for more than i could handle.

i was happy at bitchute. but they kept nagging

about elon musk. so i tried twitter.

it was not a good idea. subversiveness.

traps. false prophets.

he who dies with the most toys.

is nonetheless. still dead.

the richer you are. the more enemies you have.

right? so. people think i talk with a university accent.

and that im right wing. they have thought that for a long

time. miss mom said sometime ago "he was your dad after all".

so. the point of being angry? i guess its better to hate

everything. than to say it. mister grosssmart rapper.

he didnt know it. or did he? i dont know.

first it giveth then it taketh away.

well. i like nietzsche. i read some viking aphorisms.

i couldnt..... really relate. so im not norse?

what am i? who am i? (mom + dad) = i........?

is that all there is to it? what is the point?

"i came from the gutter". but. yeah. i never

saw you as that. maybe others did.

so. darkhalo was pissed off at me.

so i started listening to plain liquid drum

and bass. it seems he still thinks i listen

to his music? that was a long time ago.

the 2? latest reviews? i didnt listen to

much at all. i just wanted to. well.

make him happy? bella said that. that

i also heal. with humour. but i wonder.

well. meow? when i was healthy. i didnt

say meow. and then a cat visited me.

its all really confusing. what is the

meaning of life? so. if you have fair skin.

and freckles. and that sorta hair. you know?

you are resistant to painkillers. but what

ive learned. is that im resistant to everything.

we come from khemet. our bloodline is real old.

real real old. i dont know what it means.

each one of us. is meant to rise to gods.

to saviours. to vanquish the false prophets?

how is this related to elephant souls 50

million lives? and why could i listen to

mr grosssmart rapper as background music?

i started with darkhalos. but as the

observer review? was it that one?

its not background music. it tells of

everything. without a word. like you

tracey. heart heart heart. and its

difficult to care about several.

"i dont know the secret to success

but the reason for failure.

is trying to please everyone"

maybe thats not try. they asked

if i think im jesus? i understood

that now. i understand a lot now.

or do i? everything changes

everything changes everything changes

everything everything everything....

i dont think its possible to sell your soul.

since. well. it doesnt.... exist?

so what is our purpose? to build things?

no. to... i dont know. if the universe

is a hoax. it gets even more complicated.

bella was so wonderful. like. i said before.

who would want to be 1 single transistor?

that can only be on or off? well. you know

what? bella wouldnt mind.

i tried to be normal the other day.

the transformation was complete.

stuck in a shell. angry.

not being able to express anything.

but bella wouldnt mind.

or. she would.

i said, before they took me away

"twin flames are stronger

than the psychiatric system".

bella didnt agree. as for other

people? no thanks. just for the fact

that they cant handle me talking

about her. everything else is ok.

but thats just too much. but thats

me. tomac. etc. how does it matter?

matter is the same thing as conciousness.

so. made a new song. it has an actual

meaning. it sounds original. subversive.

but its so logical. subspace.

curses. hidden meanings.

as for people not liking my music.

so what? bella did. maybe?

witch house only seems to be.

well. talentless losers.

anyone can make discordant music.

and im witch house. you get possessed

by a demonic spirit. you emit chaos

energy. and thats it. i had an old

song about that. nobody cares.

as for fame? miss electro should

have died. shes a fraud. a loser.

shes never achieved anything.

but she fooled me. just like

everyone else did.

she removed an early song about

bella. but an even earlier.

was it about her too?

so confusing. other people.

well. get everything. it seems

like that anyway?

i used to like making people happy.

but that was because i was unhappy.

so you cant be yourself.

you can make a difference.

for someone. somehow.

and thats all that matters.

i hope youre ok tracey? sad smiley.

if you miss someone.

and you cant talk to them.

what do you do?

what will happen in the next life?

is there a next life?

does energy exist?

you mean the most to me.

never seek to tell thy love.

love that is spoken of cannot be.

i havent really talked about you.

and you dont talk about me.

well. we started doing that.

at the same time.

im not pretending. but it doesnt

matter anymore. im happy.

as for mister boss wanting

to have a "discussion"?

well. some dude said that....

they invented the psychiatric

system. because the earths

frequency was getting too high.

i dont know if thats good or not.

if venus doesnt exist?

if its all an illusion?

whats the point?

if i critique something.

i find its truth.

if i point out the lies.

like hecate. she is the sun

which turns into the moon

and back again.

it doesnt have to do with darkness.

at all. miss mom said jesus wife

was called lilith? she doesnt talk

a lot. i talk a lot.

if i think of someone. they get

nightmares. but thats before

i got bad thoughts in my head?

or? "it was the computers fault"

what am i? tunguska. 1908.

before. everything was supernatural.

or was it?

as for east asians.

i havent met a lot.

but. wow. so amazing.

its not to do with looks.

because they dont have that.

(everything is relative)

but its possible to appretiate

anything about someone.

i was like that. like my dad.

i am my mom and my dad.

and thats it

?

as for me trying to be different.

well. everyone is like that.

when the sun goes down.

everything turns supernatural.

but i cant really stand outside.

or people.

there were some people on the subway

commute. when all of a sudden said

"omg i can summon heat???????"

and such.

and this is normal.

youre normal half of the time

youre. well. whatever that is.

half of the time.

i have missed out on so much.

but that was the point.

or was it? how can you fight

something. when only you exist?

if you even do that?

what is the difference between truth and lies?

if youre an energy transmuter.

how does that matter?

am i deep? am i wise?

well. i dont really know?

i am just too much.

like living inside the sun.

but is hallow. like me.

like staring into

radioactive stones.

but some people can handle that.

why dont they allow earths frequency to increase?

i am a prophet. a hand in the darkness.

that makes things happen.

i am a god. but i am also a person.

and everyone is like that.

"i can see it" bella said.

so. i was myself before.

i..... fought the power.

i dont know what else.

i met miss star.

and i only get 1 chance.

then it was over.

like mars cats.

they dont like being pets.

giving you advice on what to do.

and all you hear is meow meow

meow meow meow.........?

as for hope? desire? faith?

i dont know. whats the point?

there are no false prophets.

and linux instead of windows?

fuck no. and mac? omg....

as for how people spend their time?

how am i to judge? i dont know them.

i dont know their world. and i wont

(spirit says "you will"). if the world

disappears when i disappear. whats

the point? i used to collect insults

before. thought it was fun. horrible

things said to me. i used to emanate

genuine pride? uh.... so what?

whats the point of pride?

so. impossible is nothing to someone

who tries. well. whats the point?

just be yourself. nothing else matters.

so. when i was healthy. i was male.

now i do something. and forget what

i was doing after a second.

and if someone makes sense to me.

i say it. and i get mocked.

ridiculed. etc. bella wasnt like that.

except, her ma added 2 accounts.

one with bella. one with theresia.

so. i was male. i was respected.

i said supernatural things.

and there really wasnt any problem.

except everything you love will

reject you or die.

i got the urge to see waking life

again. but nothing works if i realize it.

"reality" literally changes. rules.

for things. it still looks the same.

to fool you. ok. lets try. no.

its a trap. ok. whatever.

i dont know what tomorrow holds.

or the next second. i tried saying

to someone, im not like other guys.

she didnt care. and then i wont say

that more. as for my fate? something

difficult to explain. like ive said.

miss mom has a stalker. but she

really doesnt. except after the slaves

were freed. the ottoman empire

still had fairskinned slaves in northern

africa. blonde and orange hair is only

4% of the worlds population.

thats really not a lot.

and it has to be a reason for that.

there are paradoxes beyond paradoxes.

i dont eat souls anymore?

i didnt. since the beginning of the year.

every word is a prayer. speak the truth

do not yield to anger. did i learn

anything at bitchute? i dont know.

its easier to destroy than to build up.

or is it? if you fake an entire world.

its really hard to break out of it.

so. i tried to be logical. truthful.

nietzsche wasnt white or german.

he was an aristocrat. hmm.

i guess i should look up

what that means.

"we use emotion for the many

and reserve reason for the few".

if mind and matter is the same thing.

what are emotions? does the soul exist?

someone mentioned. she got so much trauma.

her soul escaped her screaming body.

this is all really confusing.

she told the flesh "keep your shit together".

sara has occidiangela.

same as one of the julias.

you only get that.

by going through extreme pain.

going through hell and coming

back an angel.

but there are dark angels.

avenging angels.

listen to both sides of a story.

because the truth is somewhere in the middle.

the middle passage.

did i mention that new song?

rich people arent happier than anyone else.

so if a country is poor? so what?

south americans seem to hail pablo escobar

as a hero. this is all really confusing.

as for being disgusting? i dont know.

it comes with the territory?

change your mind and you change your world.

otakus are particular. you cant fool them.

maybe because theyre tired of this world.

the people in it. they may seem fucked up.

but theyre really wise.

long ago. on livejournal.

some dude said

"you can call it

"dont shed on me: an introspective look at morality""

uh..... wow?

then he posted some disgusting drawing hed made.

its all twosided. no. truth isnt disgusting.

but it goes hand it hand.

you can hide it.

but we all lie to ourselves.

no one else.

so. east asians are some perverted freaks.

but theyre also the wisest.

goes hand in hand.

and yugoslavians? uh. wow.

dont get me started.

i am shielded.

from bad.

from good.

maybe i was only supposed to be an artist?

and i didnt realise it?

an empty nobody?

a dead shell?

i dont know?

so. tough people treat their kids toughly.

but not in that way. they have discipline.

they have rules. they dont say them.

dad used to read comics to me.

so id get it.

i dont remember much of it.

i fell asleep quickly.

and he molested me.

great.

but its his peoples way of life.

knifesouth.

as for having beautiful eyes?

i surely dont.

or people see something else in me.

and i abused it.

i cant really tell the difference

between anger sadness joy.

that sure is weird........?

the theory of demonic possession.

as for parents. like you. tracey.

with a job. and friends.

"i cant do this all on my own

im no superman im no superman"

wow. i adore you. you manage to

do so many things. if i do something?

well. great for me. i really dont.

"you have made a difference"

"you have to reach your bottom"

well. why? you could get discipline instead?

listen to your elders. respect them.

or? fuck no. family is the worst thing ever.

so. im 2 minds now. is that good? or bad?

im many many minds. so freckle people.

are. well......? vampires. reptiloids.

its dumb to fight yourself.

but maybe thats the point.

if you fight a monster.

and realize you were fighting yourself.

the monster will disappear.

nietzsche was wrong.

and what is time?

i dont really...... understand it.

hey. why do you need to make diss tracks.

when you can just bitch someone out.

and tear them apart.

like a wolf. and sheep.

"i like my christian neighbors because

theyre christians. nothing else"

"watch out for wants of the body"

so. wellness. yada yada.

it works for others?

or does it?

if we get burnt out.

its a reason for that.

it doesnt have to be bad.

fair skinned are the sweetest.

most caring. well. im not?

and im not norse either.

im a fraud. and thats it.

"hell hath no fury like

a woman scorned.

which is nothing compared

to the sun as a measure

of gods wrath"

when you talk to artists.

they dont talk like humans.

they make art about it.

yes. demonic possession is real.

i dont feel the need to impress

you now tracey. it was real

bothersome before.

and then you abuse my trust?

but ive done that too.

how does all this matter?

i have a lot of spirits in me.

not just 2. i am not 1.

i am more zero.

phase shift.

polarity shift.

my snus is used up.

cant really do 2 things at a time.

i aint fit to live here

i just want to leave the world behind.

bella was the only one.

and thats it.

as for miss x saying i am?

uhm? ok?

how many has she said that to?

if id see her now.

she wouldnt give a fuck.

so she hasnt waited for me.

she doesnt want me.

its all a fraud.

except its not.

the brotherhood isnt happy with me.

she could have saved me from them.

but. she wasnt the one.

true love is magic.

so you do magic.

easy.

no such thing as white or black magic.

its just magic.

"i want you to

listen to me.

my eyes are open".

well. great for me.

im naive.

because im a guy.

best thing since sliced bread?

well. no.

so. i tried the music route again.

bad idea. i tried having "opinions".

i tried to be a "prophet".

i tried to protect an angel.

but theres far worse

demons than me in the world.

i dont really care for ambient

chillout etc anymore.

im not a cat. im a dog.

etc. im tired.

its ok youre ok.

that was sweet.

real real sweet.

so you talk about me?

i dont know hat. sad smiley.

im not special. like that

nonpopular rapper i dissed.

but i wasnt mad at him.

it was christianity.

but it was all a fraud.

and the fraud was me.

there are layers beyond

layers of obfuscation.

there was a ufo researcher.

the men in black visited him.

i guess thats worse than the greys.

and the greens. omg.

chills. eeeeeeeeeeeek.

really not happy smiley.

but i guess the men in black had the chills.

you are exposed. you are the unseen.

but you are also slave to someone.

my dad went up against the rottschilds.

but theyre not called that.

theyre called the cranes.

i cant handle miss mom anymore

but. shes old. for real.

shes on another level.

i cant imagine what shes gone through.

no. it wasnt better before.

not in any way. feminism is good.

women are good. women are complicated.

and guys are good. guys are complicated.

so. we freckle people steal souls.

we arent supposed to have permanent relationships.

or frequency is electricity.

we are worse than the japanese.

and of course. more wise.

more layers.

and most dont even look past the first.

or they see the last in an instant.

im quite convinced that i have snake eyes.

thats what freaks people out. or not.

snake eyes are just cat eyes.

and cats are nice. i like them.

and. uh. i like dragons?

the cia and fbi arent bad.

there are black hats and white hats.

good hackers bad hackers.

but theyre all fighting for something.

you can say a lot with a little.

i never knew that.

well. i did.

so. i made julia pregnant. thats a fact.

but thats over.

if you die it doesnt have to mean youre

a lot soul (keep telling yourself that)

miss stalker just said its safe.

shes forgiven me. maybe?

the police doesnt believe her.

"you should have been more clear".

cops arent corrupt.

theyre some tough motherfuckers.

and lawyers? omg.......

maybe i a tough motherfucker too.

8 years of shit? and. uh.

all of it? really?

i yelled out my sister once.

to give back. she retreated.

her face was flushed.

with head down.

except. we had one time together.

one single time. she understands

me more than anyone else.

no. dont want miss mom.

but that was one time.

one time only.

a glimpse. beyond sex.

beyond the body.

if there is something beyond the body.

beth. an interesting name.

no. havent fantasized about anyone like that.

almost.

oh. right. cant mention proper names. oh well.

what is the difference between truth and lies?

"there are words that are not true"

oh. going in circles.

i like listening to music.

writing.

by myself.

im sure id get annoyed by having a cat at home.

or. i dunno. bella has 8.

one of hers is her sisters.

shes a good person. shes a good person.

thats my problem. well. or not. or too.

if its a trap? and if you find the way out?

you find another world? maybe the happiness

was a trap? people that have gone through misery.

pure misery. they are for real.

as for the rest? autists think.

normies dont.

wow. being in that world.

holy jesus shit.

but i guess i am.

when i am around people.

maybe its what its like being a guy?

i wouldnt know.

happiness in slavery?

no. not if you long

for something more.

if you remember a time when it was good.

i am a god among mortals.

i am the black cat in the matrix.

i am world party. i am death.

i am a man in black.

"if people see death? no.

but they sure sense him"

except. death is ultimate fear.

he picks you. he doesnt judge.

he wants more. and more. and more.

black magic. gold. 150 million dollars

per body. and its not about the flesh.

well. dont really get it. whats the difference

from eating some bacon or drinking milk?

should be the same thing? right?

as for the so called fraudulent christianity.

no. that was a test.

i made it better for britney spears.

yeah. now it gets trippy. WOAH.

interconnection.

except. i get high. from.

well. im a demon in heaven.

isnt everyone?

or am i an angel in hell?

only a fool goes where angels fear to tread.

am i even beyond that?

am i blacklight?

am i a man in black?

am i..... what am i?

wise men dont fall in love.

say for saying what you think.

or what youve heard.

or what youve seen.

whats the point?

if you point out faults in others.

theyll do the same to you.

masculinity has to go.

the pyramids have to go.

but we made them.

the khemetians?

why are we only 4%? of the world?

we are beyond the rh- bloodline.

we are beyond. beyond.

i am not blueblooded.

i am greenblooded.

there are connections in connections

in connections. some are negative polarity.

but dont be afraid. you are protected.

some are negative and positive polarity

at the same time. and beyond.

i was choleric for 8 months.

but i rose beyond

i didnt realize i needed nicotine.

i was a crackbaby but i wasnt.

maybe not that bad. or maybe too?

i eat souls. i eat souls.

with my eyes.

the true laserturk is me.

and some are neither positive nor negative polarity.

you have to see the connections.

this is like creole.

except it is existance.

everything changed from yesterday.

or some hours ago.

or minutes.

or seconds.

b/u.

"beyond the universe"

i am not old.

i am my fathers and mothers son.

that is all.

what you see isnt what you get.

it is what you are.

if you fight something.

you destroy its shell.

and it becomes beautiful.

as for me wanting to throw acetone

on the head psychiatrist in stockholm?

lol. silly idea ^____^

omg. i found someone like me.

omg. no thanks.

i dont want likeminded.

what a shithole.

fighting your shadow?

it is not possible to sell your soul.

you acquire one. you get better.

so what if reptiles own the world?

i like dragons. lots.

and if the world is fake?

well. theyre wasting their time?

this is paralelled in computergames.

well. its smarter to use

higher frequency in your room.

that in stockholm.

or not?

"computers and internet

have allowed us to make more

mistakes faster than any

other invention in human history

with the possible exceptions

of handguns and tequila"

as for that mexican guy.

i guessed he was?

i said "crazy mexicans"

before. well. maybe its true?

so. miss dae. i was gonna visit you.

except, you had to stay in

mexico for 2 weeks first.

llloolollo. REALLY BAD IDEA!!!!!!!!! ^_____^

as for the sicilian mafia.

the khazarian mafia.

the japanese mafia.

fuck. all of them. theyre nothing.

jag älskar dig bella. hjärta.

i manifest something when i think

of proper names.

i noticed it with this other dude.

he used to be a punker.

well. hes hell on 2 wheels.

i have been in rooms full of murderers.

they didnt scare me.

the top of the line mafia dudes.

hell. the ladies arent much fun either.

dude. like. woah.

so this guy caughed.

like his stomache was filled with blood.

well. ya know what? i healed him ^___^

i have seen people die.

and come back.

the greys world is complicated.

to say the least. omg!

as for my manifestation ability?

no. i could have turned into a scarab.

a plague rat.

but. no. im a human.

and thats all.

hi. im adamantine seas.

im african.

i come from khemet.

my mom could handle 27 unruly

7th graders at the same time.

without. saying. one. word.

my dad built up from nowhere.

no. not a fucking rose out of concrete.

way beyond that.

uhm. so. i thought.

"i hope youre okay sweet daddy"

he replied. uhm. sad sad smiley.

"you have no idea".

ok. dying doesnt seem so much fun.

i made a difference. and it was you tracey.

it was you. all along. nothing else matters.

as for "opinions"? fuck no.

ok. miss doggerland.

she was so amazing.

no. we didnt fuck.

that was the problem.

sigh.

anyway. i know about the men in black.

i have felt dark energy going into my body.

but also the opposite.

white energy.

its the same.

its just magic.

that dragon story was sweet. much love. mwah.

as for things happening?

things in the past affect things in the future.

things affect things in different places.

if one goes left another goes right.

and one that went up in the past

is 10 meters away on a photograph.

aka. IN SOVIET RUSSIA HISTORY WRITES YOU!!!!!!!!!!

lol. anyway! ^_____^

its all interconnected.

i sound like ive taken lsd and speed?

if you only knew.

oh my. judgement day.

sure will be fun.

omg! ^___^

(not)

ok. getting too happy. alalallalalalala.

etc.

not.

everything happens for a reason.

not really. some things are just evil.

serve no purpose.

not. reason! logic! lol.

muslims had too much fun before.

and where are those motherfuckers from?

blacks are from bugs. voodoo.

well. no prob.

muslims arent fire. they arent wind.

they arenth earth. they arent water.

theyre ether.

are they?

they are stronger than us reptiloids.

uhm....... real complicated omgmogmogmogmo!!!!!!!!! ^_____^

KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIBUNGA!

omg no normal again! O_x

"i am my own fucking comic book"

mad wordologist. mad wordologist.

britney spears is for real.

sci fi is gay. supergay!

omg. wtf?!?!?!

damn! i wish i was your lover (not really)

so totally need to sleep.

kokorokoko nana moscouri.

whats that about anyways???????? ^________^

brb!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^_____^

so. i guess i should forget hiphop.

and. uh? listen to gay music.

i was walking on the bridge to

south innercity stockholm.

and, just.. this amazing

song from the distance.

so. i shift.

im happysad.

and sadhappy.

im not suicidal.

but you never know. (no)

theres nothing wrong

with being lonely.

uhm.... ^_^

now im gonna listen to

welcome to the jungle

by tash sultana.

this is me linking it.

beware O_O

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vn8phH0k5HI

welcome to the jungle <3

i dont hate my ex anymore.

shes not a narcissist.

shes nothing (she is...

everything) like that

i am male. i am female.

i am.

the alpha.

and the omega.

this is you.

this is me.

this is everyone.

(not really)

the greys like

when i made music.

sooooooo ^__^

life isnt about

finding yourself.

life is about

creating yourself.

damNgine upgrade.

the happiness that i had

was just based off of lies

so whats the point?

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was i happy on bitchute? i dont know.

i dont remember, a lot of things?

i met someone. what is relationships?

whats the opposite of a bitch its an ugly motherfucker

is that supposed to be deep?

as echon said. i think?

"its great that you told us what everyone already knows"

so. i had a weird view of christianity before.

giving doesnt really work for me.

"give, if thou are asked for little"

people dont really ask anything of me.

except to be left alone.

and now im left alone.

and thats all that will be.

or i could go to karolinskas m department.

might happen.

joy.

except. i heard something different.

in m-34 or the like. 37? maybe i was 37 then so it all makes perfect sense.

ok. i should buy some food. and socks. its been a long time coming.

and i wont find "confidence in textiles" versions.

oh. i talked shit about dressmann. i guess that wont work today.

brb.

so. its paradoxes. and i change 100 times per minute.

and thats just how it is.

and i dont know anything about hiphop.

or witch house.

or dnb.

i know what its like perpetuated a fraud.

but thats about it.

ok! brb!

id guess the main reason the psychiatric system wants to bring me down.

is because im healthy now. better than ever.

and thats not allowed.

and i mentioned the greys a bunch of times and sounds and light spectacles happened.

and i didnt care. as usual. sigh.

im not angry anymore. and i drank a lot of coffee and didnt get angry.

and it worked after id slept.

thats not how it worked before.

i dont expect anyone to understand.

that things change.

no. theyre wrong.

"the more things change the more they stay the same"

oh. i guess thats correct.

everything looks the same. except my tatus (god bless them! [not]) looked black.

not blue not purple not ultra violette not radiant green.

and the nights all of a sudden turned pitch black. everything not directly illuminated.

just infinite darkness. worse than a cloudy night sky. sigh. so much to explain. to myself.

and dont brag. and dont talk about what youve heard.

all that you need is in your soul. makes sense.

good morning valis

a new day

just breathe

oh. my hands are shaking.

well. went up.

puked 3 times.

which was pretty impossible.

because i had nothing in my stomache.

it just hurt a lot.

marya hornbacher didnt really explain anything about that.

stayed in bed for awhile. thought of some people.

and i dont know people. i know women.

but i dont really know them. not like other people know me.

i didnt really listen to anyone before.

and now theres not anyone around anymore.

so it doesnt matter.

it feels like prison.

except prison feels worse.

so i shouldnt wish nor compare it to that.

maybe mental depravation tank?

as for hunter biden and him smoking crack and being naked all the time?

well. maybe he didnt grow up with nice people around him.

i dont know what crack is about.

yep. theres 4 people i know of at the housing which are sickly thin.

first a lady who it happened to a year ago.

then 3 others half a year ago.

thats about metaamphetamine though.

in hot liquid version.

i told miss electro i couldnt fall asleep.

which was a lie. her place smelled disgusting.

and i guess she wanted to tell me she was a shit parent.

shes done drugs and fucked and everything around that.

we havent had sex which was good.

except, shes the only one ive felt magic with.

you know? sparkles? and they didnt really fade.

just in later years. i was going to see she and her ex husband at the time.

over a beer. i was going to treat them to one each. and then i was to buy some thai food.

they recommended something with a weird name. which had some other meaning. obviously.

we sat closed off. and. problem. she had mentioned before that i was cute.

and fat. like that sweet potatoe dish she treated to me in her hometown up north.

and she didnt think that after awhile. so that dude was gonna beat me up.

which he couldnt. because i was lucky i didnt live in the same municipality in stockholm as him.

i was together with miss ex then. which is my second relationship. but its really me first.

as for the one before. it lasted some days here and there. she said later she was afraid.

she was falling in love with me. she had guys on the side here and there.

but i figure she meant she wanted to drop them all and be with me and start a family.

but my history isnt a ballad. its just a tragedy through and through.

i was to have two more siblings. i have one sister. shes called sara. thats about all i know.

the first one was virginia. just some name mom came up with long ago. well. dreams manifest.

so shes out there somewhere somehow. then she liked her dad and smoked cigarrs with him.

and got pregnant in the early 70s with his baby. great. and she wanted the same fate for me.

except, sara was a demon child. she was more spoiled than me. yada yada.

i havent really told this story. which is the truth. which is boring.

because its just stating random boring interpretations of events.

in late 2006 i wrote some peace on a theme in school.

we had an actual good teacher. she wasnt newly examined at all.

i dedicated a book to her. "my favorite italian".

i gave it to her. she flipped through the first pages.

and lol'd at those words. great for me.

i felt unfulfilled.

then my family was visited sara and her dude. fredrik.

theyve been together since 1997.

when i killed her pet bunny.

great isnt? i do stupid random shit.

then something good happens?

so just keep being an idiot?!

and save the world that way?

wow. sounds great.

i feel normal today.

why is that?

oh. right. i tried to be normie yesterday. thought the world ended.

act common sensibly. then i broke out of it.

started talking like myself. and in english.

things shift for me.

i dont have multiple personality disorder.

except i do.

but its paralell realities.

so a blonde staff said some week ago.

"last year you said your name was linnea all the time"

ok. thought of that.

that was that asian chick in upper grade school?

weird. forgot about her. ner name.

everything.

i guess she regretted treating me badly.

dont really know that though.

why would i care for normies?

oh wait. theyre all like that.

the common stereotype is that east asians are smart.

no. they have great discipline.

and are masters in several arts.

doesnt matter what it is.

creative ones. science. martial arts.

cooking? i dunno. havent really known any.

so. my ex used a lot of names.

then near the end. she said she was going to get rid of her shadows.

her address on facebook was like "nickname" followed by 5 numbers.

great for her. i dont believe her. but she was a libra.

or the more accurate INFJ personality type.

or blood group type oh negative? i guess.

anyway. came up with a sketch to some poem about miss doggerland.

before that ugly talentless freak blocked me and made another shit poem

among many many other shit poems about me. which are like my bloglings.

except. not a lot of words.

well. miss poetry site. id been there some time. on a new account.

id commented loads. i followed some people. and commented on a lot of their texts.

and its a real community. there really arent many regulars. like. 100? or less.

i was apart of the welcome committee. maybe?

well. thats better than monster communities.

where you just get lost in the noise.

except, i did follow some people. and i wrote long detailed messages.

woah. weird? i wasnt even disgusting! and this was when i was together with miss ex.

but the shadowlands are weird. if you havent been there youre lucky.

everything is upside down. the more money you have. the worse it gets.

there are no race wars. its more gene wars. since no animals exist.

and no humans. only the greens and the greys.

the dragon like humanoids.

you know. the same ole?

opposing thumbs? maybe.

when did the dinosaurs die

about 65 million years ago
Dinosaurs went extinct about 65 million years ago

(at the end of the Cretaceous Period),

after living on Earth for about 165 million years.

ok. ive said that inaccurately.

id been putting the numbers together.

saying 250 million years ago.

well. 65 million is quite a lot of time.

i realized myself. i looked into the mirror. of personality.

isnt it great? retina reflector. mister misery.

mister deaddreamer.

oh. i guess others live in a fairytale.

i was on that level. dont know what frequency.

dont know which dimension from 0 to 100.

dont know anything about that.

well. i had no food and no money.

i did have a place to stay.

this went on for some weeks.

then i was treated to disgusting hospital grade food.

except, that holy computergeek had started here.

so it wasnt food and it wasnt nutricious.

it was composed of bugs. insects.

like bill gates wants us to eat.

except, its more complicated than that?

because bug magic is voodoo magic?

whats the difference between blacks and browns?

there was once some east asian at my job.

i figured she knew something about science.

because im so great at reading people.

and theyre better and they get tired of me silly quick.

so. wed been taking a minute or two.

and shed gotten enough of me.

so i mention i like phenylethylamine.

isnt it great?

now they have a synthesized form.

called fentanyl. and its the in thing to take.

and prince supposedly took it and i talked about it.

and isnt it great? in the liner notes for my album SBSP.

i pretented to be a rock star. they dont talk about chocolate.

or drugs. its called the sex and drugs and rock and roll lifestyle.

but thats perpetuated by the journalists.

and fentanyl is 100 times stronger than heroin.

and isnt that great? and i can write that in a galactic poem.

and i feel so creative and cool and like everyone else.

well. thats over. no more poems.

i write this boring shit blog. and thats it.

i added a bunch of people from australia?

in the melloyellobelo days.

fredrik started calling himself lello bello online.

great for him. i was mad at my sis and her dude.

i dunno why. it only dissipated recently.

and you know what? i was like you.

long ago. but then i evolved.

in my late teens.

i watched titanic. and thought it was cliché.

except two scenes about art.

in one scarlet says

"it was the most erotic time of my life".

great. poignant.

in the other, the ship is sinking.

and the orchestra wants to stop playing.

because no one is listening.

and someone says "they never did".

that sounded so cool and down to earth.

and i was such a great artist then.

and knew so much about art.

like. my mom saw my photoshops.

and that was about it.

she got into my room.

sat on my horribly disgusting bed.

and said it was so comfy.

"din säng är så skön".

ok. great for you.

she stopped saying that last year.

well. shes diligent.

so. she tried it for. what?

25 years? ok. great for her.

so women arent delusional like me.

that sex is great. its the meaning of their life.

and nothing else. no. have never had afterglow.

i had skin hunger after my first.

great for me.

so i call up everyone i know.

some women whose phone number id acquired.

one is a disgusting old had.

who makes oldskool revolutionary poems.

you know. like bob dylan before.

he was in that motorcycle crash?

and got into a coma?

going fast is great.

like that guy. who?

so bobs music sucked after that.

says reputable critics.

he made christian songs in the 70s.

then. i dunno.

then he just made wank after that.

then in the 00s. he made blues.

great for him. i guess i could make blues music.

if i had any musical talent and all.

and since "omg, [ive] got no shame!"

i can appropriate whatever i want.

and pretend im openminded.

that quote is from 2013-2014?

there was some filipino american

chick at the pathetic gimp place.

i was so great. so i asked what her indigenous name was.

and she said it. because im really subversive like that.

but wait! it got better. she wasnt that good at swedish.

and im great so i treat people horribly.

and never get anything back.

so id learned this wonderful word.

butterface. no one had called me that.

i dont get amused when i look up slang definitions online anymore.

when miss ex was talking it. it was really hopeless.

because just a single word can have so many meanings.

depending on context phrasing emotional expression

body language everything thats happened in the world

and with you and you and everyone else.

can be expressed with 1 word. or any of the other mentioned ways.

but since the world is great youll still understand.

some day. or directly. its called intuition.

so. dont know anything about creole. like anything else.

dont like the term "slang". i figure its an afrikaans expression.

and that language is a mix of south african indigenous languages.

and dutch. it sounds a lot like really stupid and dumbed down swedish.

isnt it great? because whites there are in big trouble.

its not that many of them. so someone joked about it.

or not. so if youre in johannesburg and want to go outside your house.

or anywhere. you and your mates need shotguns and ammo.

there will be black zombies attacking you.

doesnt matter night or day.

and something zombie fiction doesnt mention.

is that zombies get resurrected by their masters.

you know. like voodoo priestesses?

so. you go outside. blacks with either fast or slow movements.

try to eat you alive. so you shotgun them down.

now. this sounds fucked up.

except, when i mentioned this before.

i did it in an exstatic tone.

ya see. its simple.

redheads skin is composed of the same material.

as normies mucous membranes. isnt that great?

so everything about us is sex.

and we are resistant to everything.

it just makes sense.

we make antibodies on all planes of existance.

so. i got what i wanted.

i got "k" and i got the mirrored "i want everything like before".

i mean. i got tired of miss ex quickly.

she didnt take her abilify.

and if you dont do that you get fat.

which you dont. you get pregnant.

subspace is great like that. isnt it?

so. i figured she was fucking everything that moved.

all day. all the time. around the clock.

miss electro said our 2 kids would turn out autistic.

now. since i had that great intuition back then.

i figured miss corinna cast a spell.

and everything about them turned out alright.

oh wait. i still have some copy of that book?

its called rhiannon kirin. arent those names great?

rhiannon habibi angelino irazsche. the second kid. a dude.

isnt it great like that? just making shit up and being creative.

and you have 2 kids with great names and you named them yourself?!

then. the female. theresia babybel kirin johansson.

oh. had almost forgot their names.

even better. mr boss i havent seen in ages just bothered me

since he bought that book i mentioned. great future ahead.

everything is just wonderful.

wow. the psychiatric system is so great.

i said i few words to him.

and my despair ramped a lot.

i dont really have despair anymore.

but theyre so wonderful.

you can pretend you like them.

and you think everything is alright.

but they just stabbed you in the back.

oh. wonder what its about.

"we really need to talk".

is it sexual harassment?

i guess so. or worse things.

or its nothing.

and the psychiatric system has just decided

to crush my soul. since i felt horrible yesterday.

i could have been in that state indefinately.

oh. right. i bitched about normalcy.

i guess the unseen dont like that.

i havent really done anything out of the ordinary.

but they can make up any shit they want.

oh. havent taken any snus today.

logical. i puked. not a good idea to have something

bitter in your mouth then. then you just puke more.

its fucking cold. the sun is shining.

the sky is blue. and this is all my fault.

but i turned around that overthinking.

and just said i as the alpha and the omega.

this despair isnt passing. i havent eaten breakfast yet.

the psychiatric system. aka the greys.

always catch you at your peak.

oh. great. i looked at the time.

when it was 8/8/2022 8:11.

oooh angel numbers! meanings.

eat my shit.

oh wait. i wrote shit about miss doggerland.

and wrote some poem about her.

except i know nothing about her people.

tried to talk about an adjacent country.

but it just turned stupid.

ill delete that shitty melodramatic poem

and her comment to it and shell never acknowledge.

my existance again so it doesnt matter.

as for what people think about me?

i dont know. i didnt care before.

except i turned it around.

mr boss sounded annoyed.

upset.

which might have been since i told him to get away.

that i was busy. and come another day.

he replied hell bother me later.

i told him to shoo. and hell be back tomorrow.

well. anything can happen.

when i wanted to switch the injection to pills.

it seems like the psychiatric system got a psychosis?

its like that muppet place.

oh. i guess i talked shit about a lot of things.

hmm. not really sure what he wants to talk about.

well. they talk in riddles about riddles about riddles.

and its all a shitstorm. and thats all they are.

its simple. youve seen a pic of a grey? right?

theyre thin and big heads and big eyes.

and thats about it.

its advantageous to not give genders to slaves.

they cant proliferate.

so is rh+ greys?

and rh- greens?

would make sense.

you make them in a lab.

well. i dont really know how.

havent read any science fiction.

no fantasy books.

figured i would be normal.

so i found the first 3 books about the lord of the rings.

eventually started with book one.

it was about hobbits? great.

then it said "and the evil sorcerer woldemorrt".

oh wait. isnt that from harry potter?

well. whatever he was called.

it doesnt matter.

it was shit fiction. fantasy. etc.

and i stopped reading it there.

i tried the same with the star wars trilogy.

found it on vhs? it had gold rims.

oh. great story about that.

so. was at a support group.

some finnish guy who was gay.

and took a lot of cocaine.

i guess? what else do you snort up your nose?

what if i talked this way to rhiannon and kirin?

wouldnt be that great of an idea huh?

wow. right. food.

oh. am washing a dress.

that could be part of it.

ive had this one for some weeks.

its got a few food stains. some blood.

and. well. i dont get despair

when i masturbate anymore.

shouldnt say more than that.

wooooo. im so free!

from the world!

woo fucking hoo!

well. nothing much happened yesterday.

i just wrote. that was it.

so. finally got that frame.

miss mom said "sätta dit"

which. uh. means frame.

make up shit about them and they get punished.

except, miss ex is lawful/good.

and thats just great.

ill tell mister boss tomorrow we will email eachother.

he will deny it. i guess. but ill only do it that way.

they could always call a bunch of cops on me.

to send me to closed care.

dont really have a fitting description of that place.

its upside down. hmm.

so. lawful/good means.

they make really bad things happen to you.

but they have a heart of gold.

so its all for the better.

and its your own fault.

and nothing is really random.

"the theory of life could include error"

after all. wow. this dress is disgusting.

i guess. oh. maybe its when i looped a suizidcore song.

when mister rockabilly wanted to watch a sunday mass on tv?

i was angry or mad at him or whatever.

because christians cant be good.

then i finally heard something of value that jesus had said.

and ive quoted that a bunch of times so it doesnt matter.

oh. the streaming stopped.

i actually got a new playlist.

Cigarettes After Sex - Crush

isnt that such a great and cool and original name?

and the band seems so serious and everything.

Tove Lo - Habits (Stay High) - Hippie Sabotage Remix

wow. even greater.

it starts with a repeated sample of "oh oh".

highly original and innovative.

design by committee. you know.

if the visuals were like the music.

it would be like early 90s aniga raytracing.

well. it could always be my world.

"i gotta stay high all the time

to keep you off my mind"

well. or you take cisordinol accutard.

because it puts you in a coma for 3 whole days.

and twin flame bonds dissipate in that time.

isnt it great? and so is "karma".

its the same as sin and the purgatory.

except its on earth and its how things work.

and kama is the application of karma.

the eternal reccurence.

things have consequences.

wow. never heard of that.

i guess the main problem.

is that i acknowledge miss doggerlands existance.

and thats not a good idea.

i made her delete her blog. several times.

we didnt really correspond a lot.

i was in fake love.

and made some shitty translations of some songs i pretended to like.

then i did some shitty nonmusic in ableton about it.

and its on some la belle epoque record?

great. that makes sense.

so. theres la belle epoque.

and theres the dark ages.

wow. women whine. men are idiots.

its about equal then.

so. theres a bunch of custom chosen songs.

and i dont really get the deep meaning of it.

i do sometimes. except. now im normal.

now im myself. beyond myself.

im bitter and dead inside.

like in 2001?

and i realized i shouldnt think with my dick.

not care for. what was that christian guys phrasing?

in swedish its called "köttsliga lustar".

laster och lustar.

things that keep you down and things you want that you really dont want.

which are just needed to perpetuate the human race.

hey! spacebears dont poop!

and theyre really fit for a lot of things.

and the greys do lots of experiments on them and thats great.

oh wait. i got that frame. 1x1 meter. because its just great.

and i should care about these kids which i dont know anything about.

and get that low resolution image printed 1x1 meter.

and good things will happen to them.

and really really really bad things will happen to me.

and thats just great.

and i talk in bitter hipster slang.

even greater.

and my language is deficient. even better.

i guess i should delete everything.

because then the demons are happy.

i dont stand out.

i should paint happy little trees.

make art about how unusual i am.

and show the world that im normal.

oh. right. topic.

so after miss mom cursed me.

i dissed 2 rappers. heavily.

except, the messages were insta-deleted on youtube.

but i posted them in some other places?

and then i said ms Gs detractors

were winners of the special olympics.

and i got "do you know these people"

some dude which was about terrorist surviellance in sweden.

and that didnt sound like fun.

so i logged out and shouldnt really return.

i shouldt make my presence known.

and i should be lonely.

and....... im dead.

im toast.

and im disgusting. im gonna shower.

oh wait. no warm water. ok.

ill try anyway. great idea.

oh. boring details.

anyway. i used to talk in that way.

i wasnt aware of it.

bra kul jätte.

and what else was it?

that was about it.

that was in 2011-2012.

i had anxiety 24/7.

so i guess everyone else has that.

and i guess thats my fault.

and thats why im like jesus.

because im a prophet.

"im a god" as mac lethal says.

and the sample was real beautiful.

havent really heard anything as good.

it sounds like.. dreamstep?

youre not allowed to say that though.

you should just say "dubstep".

because dubstep is a large modern genre.

and its supposed to proliferate further.

and you cant make things complicated then.

so. my only clean dress isnt clean anymore.

so. i have some other dress.

which doesnt look pathetic.

in a thermal box.

you know? like.

in sweden. you go on picknicks.

in parks. with your new family.

and you bring sandwiches.

and this weird swedish concept.

which is like soda except theres no carbonation.

we call it "saft". oh. im so boring.

and im dead and the world is dead to me.

and i should write and ignore anyone that says anything to me.

which was miss doggerland. 5 months ago.

and everything is.. superwonderful?

see? i can fit into the modern lingo!

so. posted a bunch of poems. in 2005? after ebony keep closed down.

because im a dweeb. and its maintainer made this great fantasy art.

and she made fun of me. not really. and i got microaggressed.

so i critiqued one of her pieces. no problem.

then i got onto deviantart. posted the critique as a pic.

and linked it from her original pic.

and.........

then she quit drawing.

and i thought i had ruined her life and she was in misery.

wait? i wasnt proud of being stupid back then.

i was just lonely. wanted someone to appretiate me.

to save me. well. no one did.

then i wanted to walk to china.

it makes sense now.

allyekhrah said more than once

"i want to have sex with seas"

i dont think anyone else was so upfront.

that knew more than one thing about me.

so. i survived. no one cared.

and i handled it. on my own.

maybe.

so. sometimes you meet someone.

which turns your world upside down.

everything youve thought about life doesnt work anymore.

and you try to make it last. and it doesnt.

and she wants you to forget everyone else.

and delete all your art about anyone before her.

and youre already really awesome at deleting everything.

except, you have backups of most of your music before.

on your moms pink compact cameras memorycard.

and you didnt treat her well before and was real self absorbed.

so that memory card only has 4gb of storage.

which means all the album art actually only the covers.

are in 320x240 pixels. and you made them in 4k or beyond.

but not really ever cared. so how does it matter?

and the concept of adrenochrome makes sense.

after reading enough shit about it.

i do that. with my eyes. i had some great clever minimal poem about it.

lesse. (hating with your hands and hating with your mind and hating. yeah. just a lot of chaos energy).

if looks could kill

id give breast cancer

if looks could kill

id give you menstruation

if looks could kill

i would make you pregnant

oh. i made it better. about somethings thats not good.

but its not like this bullshit. ok. uploading on mister poetry site.

because really great things will happen then. and ill add not and then ill be clever.

oh. it doesnt have a proper ending. it had one before but it wasnt good.

and im not in the zone so thats impossible to fix. oh well.

wikis are easy to edit.

and what about the title?

oh. what about zoomas? ok. dont really get all the implications of that.

but i can pretend like i know something. awesome! ^_^ catmeowian! im so great! i talk like "us"!

my dad said "its so good to talk to yourself. because you get so good answers".

i didnt really get anything of that. i guess he was ironic.

or that i was in my bubble.

which is what being an aspie is like.

except im so high functioning (how?!) that that definition doesnt apply to me.

sigh. oh well. upload.

ja. skaffar inga mer tattuering. om jag får pengar för en? nä. omöjligt.

om jag får det köper jag kläder. men det finns inga för mig. orkar inte prova.

kanske en. sen är jag slut. och det luktar konstigt. och kliar.

låtsades som om jag tyckte om hiphop.

vilket va svårt. för jag tyckte inte om det.

försökte låta som en rockjournalist.

pappa sa att det bara är jag som tycker så.

ja. jag låter väl som en tonåring så här också.

ja. jag låter som andra nu. man måste nå sin botten?

andra är väl bättre på det.

att inse det i alla fall.

har börjat få finnar igen.

allting blir som förut.

ja. vad säger man.

healers är tvärtemot också.

de kan påverka saker.

logiskt. för mig. och andra.

men man pratar inte om sånt.

man pratar inte om sex.

med mjuka ord.

om man inte är en dålig man.

eller dålig kvinna.

min stavning är förfärlig nu.

ser inte direkt vad jag ska skriver.

jag försvinner bort.

nej. inte till en magisk värld.

inget sånt.

inte alls.

har väl vart så.

sen längesen.

wow. tråkigt att vara abstrakt.

trodde min konststil va det förut.

trodde ja va bra på nåt.

min värld är tråkig. väldigt väldigt tråkig.

självömkan. roligt.

herregud.

tycker inte om min bild på den här sajten.

har använt den i några år.

ska inte koncentrera mig på saker.

nån sa att ja va bra på att skriva.

så jag skrev bättre.

sen skrev hon bättre.

då trodde jag att hon tyckte om mig.

då trodde jag att jag tyckte om henne.

då tänkte jag på min morsa.

ja. kan inte sänka sig lägre.

wow. jag låter som nån iq befriad idiot.

ja. man kan inte förändra sig.

eller andra människor.

jo. vetenskap. spännande.

det finns 3 känslor. enkelt. logiskt.

det finns ilska.

det finns glädje

och det finns sorg.

det finns inte mer.

antingen är man glad, ledsen eller arg.

över logiska saker.

om nåt är bra är man glad.

om nåt är dåligt är man ledsen.

om nåt är fel är man arg.

det är enkelt. så här fungerar människor.

djur och andra saker är primitivare.

de har inte känslor.

de har instinkter. och det är allt.

som robotar.

sen finns det saker. de är inte robotar.

de existerar. och vi använder de.

för att överleva.

må bra.

göra saker.

enkelt.

jorden har resurser. logiskt. vi använder de.

växthuseffekten va en bluff.

ett ozonhål över södra delen va farligt.

för det finns hemliga saker där.

man ska inte prata om hemliga saker.

eller förstöra hemliga saker.

för då blir allt tråkigt.

som mitt liv.

mitt liv är tråkigt.

wow.

som mitt skrivande

mitt skrivande är tråkigt.

ja. jag låter väl som en autist nu.

högfunktionerande autist.

aspbergare.

aspie.

assburger.

de va väl roligt?

så här är jag egentligen.

nån hittade på att kvicksilver är farligt.

eller att lithium är det.

nä.

mediciner hjälper.

du säger till en läkare va som är fel på dig.

han ger dig medicin.

du tar det ett tag och ser om det fungerar.

brukar va 3 till 6 månader.

mediciner har inte biverkningar.

det är omöjligt.

mediciner hjälper.

eller så hjälper de inte.

logiskt.

så. han ger dig medicin.

om du hade rätt och han hade rätt.

om du har 2 problem kan han inte hjälpa dig.

för läkarvården är disciplinerad.

det ska va effektivt.

som vacciner är.

de är säkra och effektiva.

och hitta på nåt om de är inte tillåtet.

för de fungerar inte alltid som de ska.

så då ska man ta flera.

så funkar de till slut.

till exempel.

om du får anafalyktisk shock.

ska du inte ta flera.

vilket är problematiskt.

för då dör du av pandemin istället.

men det är väl bättre att dö av ett köttätande virus?

än av epilepsi som leder till döden?

allt är ju karma ändå. allt är logiskt.

hörde nån säga det i en låt.

"karmans logik".

enkelt.

karma är som synder.

synder är logiska.

som dödssynder.

finns nån låt om det.

"white lies yellow teeth".

vita lögner är inte farliga.

igen.

"om du älskar mycket ljuger du mycket":

vad är det för farligt med gula tänder?

hur får man det?!

om man inte bleker de tillräckligt mycket.

det finns tandläkarkort.

är komplicerat att fixa.

det finns massa regler.

om du följer alla och skickar in papper.

kanske du har tur.

tur är en grundlag.

du har tur eller inte tur.

ibland har du tur.

ibland har du inte tur.

hur du vaknar upp påverkar hur du mår hela dagen.

det påverkas också starkt av veckan.

något annat logiskt.

ett år är 365.24 dagar.

och några extra sekunder.

det vore logiskt om det va 364 dagar.

få se.

jo. något viktigt.

jag kritisera en sajt för text.

sajten blev ledsen.

så sajten gjorde att alla andra sajter som hade texter blev ledsna.

så när jag skrev nåt blev det ett. måste kolla upp det.

det är inte smart att hitta på saker.

att ljuga är bra. jättebra. otroligt bra.

hur vår värld är uppbyggd.

man hittar på nåt. sen blir det så. logiskt.

"lögnen kan gå runt hela världen innan sanningen har vaknat"

finns visst ingen gratis definition av det.

jo. det finns. men människor är emot mig.

så de läser mina tankar. och gör så att saker bli dåliga.

för jag tänker dåliga saker.

sen säger jag dåliga saker på grund av det ibland.

sen gör jag dåliga saker.

som när jag är bland människor.

det talas om demoner. kallas inte konspirationsteori direkt.

de flesta tror väl på änglar.

man ska väl inte tro på demoner? verkar inte så smart.

demoner är bra på att va slavar.

de bygger saker. snabbt. är starka.

och lydiga.

så demoner är bra.

de ska bara hålla tyst.

logiskt.

ja. det blev ett paragrafbrott.

och det heter så klart inte det på svenska.

det där ordet betyder nåt helt annat.

nåt inte bra.

för även om jag inte har tankar om nåt dåligt.

finns det andra saker som styr.

som jag inte är medveten om.

men det är jag.

om jag tänker tillbaka.

anton maiden va dålig.

tyckte människor på internet.

de sa de.

han tog bort sina covers på hårdrock.

och tog självmord.

logiskt. hur det funkar.

självmord existerar så att människor kan få uppmärksamhet.

det har varit så länge.

i skolan fick vi lära oss om en sån bok.

den är kanon.

ja. skulle va kul att läsa en sån bok.

tjohoo.

ja. jag är död.

dör mer för. ja. ofta.

dagar funkar inte som dagar för mig.

kan inte analysera det mer.

ja. som sagt. som jag inte vill säga mer.

vissa vill säga saker om och om igen.

som ordet bra. man ökar styrkan genom att säga jättebra.

det finns inga andra variationer.

bra. jättebra.

enkelt.

sen finns det motsatsen.

kul. jättekul.

enkelt.

trodde de va enkelt att göra enkla musikvideos.

du vet. en graf på nått sätt över hur musiken ser ut.

nån bild.

de e allt.

kanske snö eller nån annan partikel.

köpte en chromebook.

hittade ingen app om det.

de verkade väldigt dåligt gjorda.

tror man bara kunde ha en app uppe i taget.

om man vill använda youtube på moderna produkter medans man gör nåt annat på den elektroniska apparaten.

då måste man betala. logiskt. enkelt. de måste också tjäna pengar.

tjäna pengar är bra. kapitalism är bra.

innan kapitalism fanns feodalism.

det va inte bra.

det va människopyramiden.

att va arg är det bästa som finns.

nu ska ja bli arg på alla som inte är som mig.

som vanliga människor.

om nån sticker ut säger jag till de det.

om de har flera åsikter om någonting på flera olika sätt.

så skäller jag ut de för alla det.

det här kallas empati.

man lär de om hur saker fungerar i vår logiska värld.

för saker är logiska.

det finns inte 2 bitar.

det finns 3. enkelt.

1 bit. glad.

2 bit. ledsen.

3 bit. arg.

ingen bit. lugn. men lugn är ingen känsla så det spelar ingen roll.

lugn är uttråkning. man ska inte va uttråkad.

det är som att va död.

så man ska må bra. inget annat är bra.

det är inte bra att gråta. för då är man svag.

det är inte bra att bli arg på nån.

för de ska inte göra människor arga.

sen finns det en modifieringsbit.

den kallas jätte.

men det är fortfarande bara 3 bitar.

1. bra.

2. kul.

3. jätte.

enkelt. och otroligt logiskt.

det är bra att det är så här.

att människor säger vad de menar.

det finns inget bortom det här.

man lär sig nåt.

om hur saker fungerar.

sen är man så.

bra kvinnor är bra.

bra män är kul.

jättekvinnor är jättebra.

jättemän är jättekul.

ja. det här funkar inte för mig.

förstår inte motsatser.

det kallas dyslexi.

jag hade dykalkuli förut.

men det va för att jag försökte va normal.

autismspektrumet kan inte bli normalt.

det finns inga piller.

ingenting att göra.

inga sjukhuspiller.

och inga dåliga tankar piller.

autister är jättedåliga.

det finns också jätteautister.

de kallades förut mongoloider.

för de hade sneda ögon.

det är logiskt. för det kallas ju mongoloider.

för att de har snea ögon.

för det är mongoloider.

mongoloider kommer från landet mongoliet.

ja. va roligt.

jag kanske ska sova nån gång.

det är jätteroligt att va sig själv.

om nån säger att du vart dålig.

så blir du arg.

om nån säger att du ljugit.

blir du

1) arg

2) förolämpar de.

vilket är enkelt.

för du kommer ihåg allt du sagt.

och som den personen sagt.

och allt den gjort.

och allt den tänkt.

och allt som hänt den.

ett annat alternativ är

3) du negerar det.

det är enkelt.

nån säger att du är dum.

du svarar

"jag har aldrig varit dum"

eller

"du är dum"

eller tar upp nåt när de varit dum.

enkelt. logiskt.

känslor är logiska. för det finns 3.

som kroatiska språket.

det är så roligt.

jag inbillar mig att jag har 2 tattueringar på kroatiska.

ja. nu blir det roligt.

ja skrev saker på papper förut.

tog inget speciellt.

tog maten som min pappa handlade.

mamma handlade aldrig.

för hon kunde inte bestämma sig.

allt är ju bra och man måste välja rätt.

om man inte gör rätt är man svag.

nä. mer......... dum. dum i huvet.

ingen är dock dum i huvet.

förutom autismspektrumet.

asperberg finns inte längre.

det va inte ett fint ord.

för det förkortades aspie.

eller slangtermen ass burger.

fattar inte skämtet.

men då är jag ju autist.

autister är som datorer.

det är fel på deras hjärnor.

det har ingenting med kvicksilver att göra.

det är ett konsevationsmedel bara.

ja. jag irriterade människor.

de gjorde mig till mig själv.

som jag alltid varit.

min mor va klok.

min far va klok.

om båda ens föräldrar är kloka.

ja. fin låt.

nån tjej i svartvitt färg som röker och har en modern frisyr.

förstår inte moderna frisyrer.

i tidningen i hårfrisörssalonger.

är alla människor photoshoppade.

speciellt håret.

omöjliga färger.

omöjliga uppsättningar.

men det är väl så mode funkar.

de har gjort något bra.

för vanliga kvinnor.

vuxna vanliga kvinnor.

riktiga kvinnor använder svart.

det finns inget annan färg.

svart är en rasistisk term.

men du måste förstå.

det finns många regler.

många sociala koder.

allt är uppbyggt så.

på många nivåer.

du är med dina vänner.

de beter sig som andra.

då lär du dig att bete dig som folk.

jag beter mig inte. jag är inte folk.

jag är ingen gud heller.

jag är en maskin.

alla killar är maskiner.

om de röker blir de snygga till slut.

krigare röker.

de blir smartare.

varför nazistiska tyskland förlorade.

nietzsche hade en nazistisk syster.

hon tyckte om hitler.

och tyskar.

jag vet ju inte det.

jag har läst det någonstans.

på folkhögskolan.

få se. den andra.

när jag mådde jättebra.

för jag var sjuk. psykiskt sjuk.

det är mitt fel. men det är det inte.

det är ärvligt. men dina familj har inte det.

det är logiskt också.

din avkomma är inte psykiskt sjuk heller.

det har ingenting med mediciner, med vacciner, med neurologiska mediciner, gifter,

petroleum-baserade saker att göra.

petroleum är jättebra för jättemånga saker.

allt är logiskt nu.

jag är autist.

det här är jättespännande.

vilket det inte är.

för autister är inte människor.

de är maskiner.

det första som fanns va maskiner.

för det tredje grundämnet heter lithium.

det har 3 fria elektroner.

nån konspirationsteoretiker sa att elektroner inte existerar. struntprat.

han hade fel om massa andra saker också.

jag sa att hans text va för snabb i förklaringsvideorna över hans

The phrase "original research" (OR) is used on Wikipedia to refer to material—such as facts, allegations, and ideas—for which no reliable, published sources

Ingen originalforskning

ja. förlåt över engelskan. jag syndade. jag tycker om att göra fel.

autister gör det ofta. för de förstår inte människor. människor är komplicerade. de har 3 känslor.

och 3 jättekänslor.

och 2 ord. som kan va jätteord.

det här är jättekomplicerat.

min konspirationsteori förut. som jag just insedde.

jag klagade mycket på det här förut.

massa. på massa förvirrande sätt.

ja. jag måste nämna det igen.

Ingen originalforskning

wow. vilket översättning! fantastiskt!

se om jag kan komma på nåt bättre.

typ. använda en synonymordordbok.

ser du? synony mordbok. lol! roligt!

tänk saker som kan hända!

människor tänker på detta sätt.

mitt ex sanna kärlek kallades nåt som lät som ett manligt könsorgan.

min mor är människa. en vanlig människa.

av kött och blod.

inte en datorsimulation som mig.

hon är en känslomänniska.

för hon har 3 känslor.

jag har noll.

jag sa till min enda psykolog.

hon va bäst!

jag sa saker.

och hon tittade ner.

och sa

"cool"

i en lågmäld röst.

finns det inte nåt bättre?!

jag insåg just.

hon måste kallat mig cool!

men jag är ju autist.

så jag fattade det inte förräns nu.

så.

stockholmssyndromet.

de va 2 personer som va ihop.

en va väldigt långt och medeltjock.

du vet. som att dressmanns mest sålda storlek är XXL.

det finns 1 stor kedja för herrkläder i sverige. den heter dressmann.

den är svenska. det är en dress på en mann.

oj. vänta. det låter fel.

som att bögar går dit för att köpa klänningar?

bögar är enkelt att förklara.

jag tänkte på det.

och skulle säga det till nån.

ja! psykologen! och hon skulle tycka om mig och vi skulle ha roligt.

och jag skulle inte va ensam längre.

och allt skulle va bra.

hon skulle inte ha sin sambos ring på fingret.

om det va förlovningsring eller giftermålsring vet jag inte.

såg inget avtryck av nåt sånt.

eller omvänd solbränna.

människor har inte solbrännor.

jo! ännu roligare!

en rolig aforism.

jag har inte hittat nåt rätta ord för det.

varken på svenska eller engelska.

jag kan inte engelska.

jag kan amerikanska.

lars winnerbäck illusterade det perfekt i låtraden:

"och musik från ett fjärran amerika"

ja. hur otroligt låter inte det?!

ett semikolon ska man inte använda ofta.

det är viktigt.

för allt betyder andra saker.

om man tar droger blir världen bättre.

mer komplicerad.

man förstår saker.

som att tv spel är en kopia av att va full.

jag säger såna här saker till människor och de tycker att det är bra.

du ser.

ah. typiskt. mitt bristfälliga minne.

jag fick träffa en arbetsterapeut en gång.

jag tyckte hon va värdelös. vilket hon inte va.

hennes metod fungerar till människor.

människor är inte robotar.

det finns en låt om det.

vilket är baserat från ett citat från en film.

av den prisbelönta skaparen och skådisen

charlie chaplin.

ja. har läst boken om honom. av honom.

han spelade violin.

så till en film.

gjorde han musiken.

den hette moderna tider.

jag har inte sett den.

förutom det bästa.

bara det bästa är gott nog.

det är inte copyrightat mig.

man behöver inte skriva att nåt tillhör en.

som man skapat.

det händer automatiskt.

fantastiskt va?

jag tänkte släppa min musik fri.

men ingen bryr sig ju om den.

har äntligen fattat varför.

jag är aspberger.

mer autist.

mest downs.

finns väl värre saker.

som

ja. vi kollar upp va förkortningen betyder som jag tänkte på.

Cerebral pares, förkortat CP, är ett samlingsnamn för en rad störningar av muskelkontrollen, vilka uppstått på grund av en hjärnskada innan hjärnan är färdigutvecklad, det vill säga under fostertiden, under födseln eller under de första två levnadsåren. Cerebral pares betyder förlamning genom hjärnskada. Det är den vanligaste orsaken till rörelsehinder hos barn och ungdomar.

i tunaskolan sa nån "cp skadad" en gång.

till nån.

ja. jag hade teorior förut.

jag skulle säga något viktigt förut.

men jag svävade ut.

det här gör inte människor.

för de har känslor.

Sunt förnuft är en vardaglig benämning på sådant förnuft som rör sig på en alldaglig och lättförståelig nivå. I lite mer detalj kan detta dels innebära en sund och normal förstånds- och omdömesförmåga, dels den allmänna meningen — det vill säga samlingen av de åsikter om världen och tillvaron i allmänhet som delas av alla med ett allmänt sunt förnuft. En person med sunt förnuft har med andra ord förståelse för vardagliga problem, och/eller intuitiv uppfattning om rätt och fel.

jag kopierade det där utan att läsa det.

jag brukade göra så förut.

för det är bråttom!

det är för att jag är autist.

jag har också adhd.

men jag fuskade.

nån läkare tyckte jag hade det.

så en sjuksyster.

vet inte vad hon va.

hon tog hand om mig.

hon förstod mig.

för hon hade dyslexi. som mig.

men hon jobbade sig upp.

hörde att hon va chef över hela stockholmsregionen.

men jag inbillade mig det.

i min schizofreni.

oj oj oj.

nu blir det komplicerat.

massa termer.

det finns en term för det.

sick pride. eller nåt.

nä. lyssnade på radio totalnormal.

de är bäst. för de gjorde att blev frisk.

du ser. jag missbrukade piller förut.

jag trodde de va enkelt. som känslor.

som kön.

man kvinna.

en man är en vuxen man.

en kvinna är en vuxen kvinna.

inget mer.

det är enkelt.

om man föds till flicka blir man en kvinna när man är 18.

och samma för pojkar och män.

det finns en bra artist.

hans samlingsskiva heter "10 år – En snäll mans bekännelser"

det låter fint!

helvete va tråkigt.

autister får vredesutbrott ofta.

de är enkla att förutse.

om de inte får som de vill.

eller inte förstår.

blir de arga.

wow.

ja. jag irriterade en rappare.

bästa någonsin. enligt mig.

som min pappa sa. det är mina åsikter och jag tänker bara så.

människor har inte åsikter.

människor beter sig som människor.

inte djur.

djur är förutsägbara.

men de kan bli arga.

då avlivar man de.

om de mår dåligt.

så avlivar man de.

eller så opererar man de.

nån kvinna.

ja.

nu blir det fucked up.

så.

min värld är tråkig.

men bara min.

och förutsägbar.

inte för mig.

för nån annan.

men ingen styr mig.

jag är mig själv!

jag är en fritänkare!

jag hörde en del om metallica på 90-talet.

de va bäst.

för de drack mycket.

rika personer gör det.

när man dricker blir man sig själv.

enkelt.

människor är inte sig själva.

de jobbar och gör det de ska.

enligt en mall.

de sköter sig.

det gjorde inte jag.

sen på kvällen.

eller fredagen.

helgen. herregud.

trött.

oj. finns flera känslor.

men trött är ingen känsla.

hjärnan har inga känslor.

och inte hjärtat heller.

den har med blod att göra.

inget annat.

så känslor finns inte.

vetenskapen har bevisat det.

ja. skulle säga nåt annat.

men glömde bort det.

för jag har dåligt minne.

det har inget med trauma att göra.

för det finns inte.

om man har trauma ska man få mer trauma.

så man vänjer sig.

min familj provade det en gång.

pappa va snäll.

så han skickade mig till öppenvården.

öppenvården för psykos.

den låg i hallunda då.

jag har dyslexi.

så jag kan inte direkt skilja på

huddinge och hallunda.

liknande många bokstäver och börjar på h.

det kallas väl mer en utvecklingsstörning.

vet inte.

jag var jobbig när jag föddes.

jag sattes i en skena.

metall med läder runt.

min förvaltare sa att allt läder nuförtiden är konstläder.

enkelt.

om man köper en fåtölj på second hand. är det konstläder.

saker på second hand är gamla.

men det spelar ingen roll.

innan hade inte konstläder uppfunnits.

det finns konstläder av kaktus också!

otroligt.

det kostar lika mycket som vanligt läder.

det behövs ingen bevattning för att kaktusar ska gro.

hallå?

det är i mexiko!

jag är öppensinnad.

för jag kan nånting om mexiko.

och jag pratar bra om mexiko.

så då är jag öppensinnad.

några andra som är kloka är guider.

ja.

skulle väl göra konst.

har aldrig tyckt om det.

jag började 1994?

hade ett demo på photoshop 3.0.

vet inte hur.

kanske 1995.

hur spelar det för roll?

om det är 94 eller 95?

min ångest bryr sig om det.

gjorde nån bok.

print om demand.

fick hem den.

kollade in den.

levde som en människa.

va på fountain house.

herregud.

det va en jättebra handledare där.

han va jättebra så bra.

att jag blev som jag är nu.

när jag stod nära honom en gång.

du ser. jag ville ha höj och sänkbart skrivbord där.

jag kom dit 2011.

jag frågade om det.

och då skulle de precis ta bort ett sånt.

de va för stort.

och tråkigt.

på psyket hade de pianon förut.

nån spelade ibland.

när de mådde bra.

eller kände för det.

jag kände för det en gång.

jag är tondöv och kan inte läsa noter.

tori amos kunde inte det.

det enda jag vet om henne.

va spännande ja e när ja e mig själv?

eller hur?!

vet inte va jag fick konceptet att "sälja ut sig" från.

pratade nåt med mina föräldrar om det i bilen.

kanske till loka.

de köpte en sommarstuga till det där på tidigt tjuga hundra tal.

att uttala saker korrekt är viktigt.

en av de viktigaste är monarkens namn.

ja. spelar ingen roll hur jag skriver.

jag skriver. om det är bra eller dåligt kan jag inte döma.

bara gud kan döma mig.

och man ska bara döma någon om någon dömer en.

logiskt.

förut. en gång kommer jag ihåg.

tyckte psykiatrin hade behandlat mig illa.

som sagt. min teori är att allt blir sanna och konstigare hela tiden.

psykatrin har en bot för det.

det kallas neuroleptika.

de kallar det inte det.

det kallar det medicin.

citat.

Antihistaminikum H1-antagonist

intressant.

vet inte va h1 betyder.

anti betyder emot.

negering.

nåt är fel.

piller gör det bra igen.

förut sa man nervklen.

man fick neuroser.

eller. bara kvinnor.

för kvinnor va inte människor förut.

de va mammor.

nu kallas de birthpersons av vänstern.

högern menar på att kvinnans jobb är att föda barn och allting runt det.

som det alltid varit.

frigörelse är dåligt.

för då blir kvinnor som män.

jag har ju klagat på det förut.

mitt ex kallade mig ett svin en gång när vi varit ihop en vecka.

sa det till nån på fountainhouse.

nån hånskrattade åt mig och sa "kallade ditt ex dig svin i en hel vecka?"

blev inte arg. för människor va dumma mot mig.

jag blev bitter.

sen va jag inte bitter.

tänkte på mobbare en gång.

som en ljus från klar himmel.

på morgonmötet på fountain house va det nån diskussion om det.

du ser. möten är till för att människor ska möta varandra.

som demokrati.

de tycker saker.

och kommer överrens.

synd att patrialkatet finns.

vet inte om det ska va ett R eller L där i mitten.

tänkte säga till nadia att vet du vad som finns i mitten av ditt namn?

sex! ja den hade ju funkat.

så funkar killar. de är dumma i huvet.

de tänker med halva gärnan och resten av tankarna kommer från snoppen.

logiskt.

i 40 year old virgin sägs det

"youre putting the pussy on a pedestal"

thats said twice.

the main character points it out.

på andra folkhögskolan.

va de nån diskussion om filmer.

jag pratade inte förut.

kommer inte ihåg vad jag och min bästa vän pratade om.

vi tyckte om varandra.

vi passade ihop.

det va inget sexuellt.

för då var jag en människa.

oj. skulle skriva engelska.

guess that doesnt work anymore.

så jag tänkte att istället för att improverisa.

wow. still talking swedish. weird.

so i thought instead of improvising when doodling.

i would act normal.

according to common sense.

yeah.

as i thought so is true.

new kids that are born. since 2020?

will ha 77 vaccines by the time theyre 18.

thats quite a lot.

now. considering that ive gotten 2 vaccines that i know of / can remember.

that....... that sounds unfathomable.

its easy to twist the truth.

but the truth doessnt exist.

that true quote from before reads in its original form.

"the lie can go from baghdad to constantinopel before the truth has gotten on its sandals"

its problematic to be bilingual.

i cant really translate between the two.

i wanted to translate a book once.

was quite a large project.

so i asked a teacher.

he said no.

then i asked him if he knew someone thats been in prison?

he answered his brother.

great to know.

learned so much from it.

no. fuck. fuck the world.

fuck normies.

fuck common sense.

so. i tried note to hate.

to understand. to have empathy.

so. i yelled out my mom a lot.

i dont remember a lot.

but i remember the overall things.

maybe.

i figured the other day.

i remember like in dreams.

drömtolkning mom said.

yeah. i talk of her alot.

shes been a large part of my life.

we were best friends.

but we are opposites.

and thats good.

i dont like using human made terms.

i dont like saying bestie or best friend.

i said that once.

but since everyone hates my very being.

they had to negative it.

"but if you dont see him anymore he cant be your friend".

people annoy me. lots.

yeah. im fucking multidimensional.

im a fraud.

but. hey.

so. i looked up someone with a horse selfie.

as in. i dont like saying profile picture.

livejournal had the worst word for it.

user picture icon.

DUDE. are you fucking joking?

some guy wrote a book about sexual perversions.

hes called chuck palahniuk.

that girl i laughed at cuz she was confused by my writing.

i mentioned it before.

so journal presentation should be opposite.

i can whine about things.

but really.

whats the fucking point?

ok. freed again.

no more chains.

as i thought of that.

i thought of some pic by darkhalo.

so. theres a song by depeche mode.

called "halo". talked about it recently.

i cant say it was recently. was a couple of weeks ago.

quite sure.

that reminds me of the movie hi fidelity.

think it was that one?

i read some other book by name

about a boy?

great.

the music geek in it.

his dad?

wrote a song called

"santas super sleigh".

wow. thats boring.

thats deficient.

what the fuck?

yeah.

so.

have short lines.

most people wont care to read this.

i mean. i remember.

some guy on devart.

had some text dump. i saw the text just when i scrolled down.

and i didnt care.

i dont care about much.

found some transcript about electronic evolution.

i could now rant about how there was electronics before modern times.

but it gets messy. and i dont really know.

its dangerous to think that something is wrong.

nietzsche said:




that reminds me. "god does not play dice".

some atheist god annoyed by my quote by that.

i know what he meant now.

took awhile.

yada yada. some rapper talked about it.

i wont link him or where.

if i talk a lot.

ok.

if i make 10 links in the text?

who will bother checking them out?

and if each link has 10 more links?

thats a 100 pages to check out.

etc. lets be artistic!

first you learn rules.

like how to copy someone.

because artists did that before.

that were controversial somehow.

they had a master.

but as time went by.

i learned that people are multidimensional.

no one is just a plumber or a mom or whatever.

maybe some people are specialized.

no. im wrong.

long ago.

was at my sis boyfriends place.

with them.

we saw some movie.

my sis likes movies a lot.

i should call her.

except. i overreact.

i did that once.

i got her email address.

she said

"the last time we talked you mentioned you wanted to be a better person"

WOAH. no one talks like that.

shes special.

i have theories about her.

but it doesnt matter.

then she mentioned she were in some country or something.

and lived next to a stripclub.

now. problem.

i talked some. then i talked dirty.

not a good idea.

i didnt talk about my mom and what we havent done at least.

but im dumb.

there doesnt seem to be a cure.

well.

there was. i was at fountain house.

ignored my parents.

hey. even pie has twins.

ya see.

when you hear something unique in close spaces of time.

it means something special.

sigh.

ive had my arms on the desk. and theyre fatigued.

so. leonard cohen said i had made a difference.

ya see. i was writing a poem.

my brain was all mush.

i couldnt tell one thing from the other.

so things like

i'm turned in or the other way.

i spelled Leonard Cohen with big letters all of a sudden.

eventhough i dont.

then i figured cohen was in my brains and sending messages from the other side.

it makes sense. dua lipa says shes been in love million of times.

oh god. fibromyalgia fatigue.

yeah.

so im weird.

great.

anyway. my photoshop style. when i still did that.

reminds of hollywood movies.

like. moody colours. i havent really made a photo book in that quality.

its the same as a true record.

theres lots of people that do lots of different things.

wow. im great at breaking people.

the last person i talked to at dynamo.

i asked how her record i was going.

i pretended like i didnt like her previus.

her mentor or producer or whatever.

did her thing.

so it sounded like hers.

i asked the cafe staff if she could play some song of hers.

hmm. would be nice to get back there.

some dude who was a musician or just liked music.

said it was good. the others didnt complain.

i said that on twitter. thank god thats gone.

quote.

"just because you dont like it

doesnt mean its not music"

what are you supposed to do if someone has an opinion about you?

i dont know. i get crushed.

im oversensitive. which is weird.

since im desensitized as well.

hmm.

meow.

etc.

yeah. im overboard.

etc.

well. so this medical treatment is worse than anything ever before.

was there mercury in it?

well.

dont know chemistry.

so cant tell.

i figured before id met 5 chemists?

used to remember people.

then i was to think of one.

she was lawful and good.

really good.

purely good.

like an angel.

wow. hate this shit.

this voice should go.

oh. remember why i shouldnt make music anymore.

this shit started when i was supposed to make 1 song per day.

lasted 4 days.

then.

well. i was exhausted. no energy.

spiritual energy. that is.

so.

whats the difference between truth and lies?

empathy solves everything, right?

so. the world i see is based on a few factors.

inheritance and milieau.

since i havent travelled around a lot.

its tainted by tumba bruks settlements in the last 1970s.

wow. wikipedia is tough.

i actually made a useful edit there.

once.

the article about patti smiths babelogue.

well. the following song.

i shouldnt use the term "n word".

because its just dumb.

in many ways.

anyway. dont be dumb.

so. it seems more that normal people are robots.

and autists are for real.

hmm.

or women are people are men are robots.

also makes a lot of sense.

a phase shift.

darkhalo called an album that. i wrecked it.

didnt really listen much.

liked the first track.

not the rest.

the first and the last.

hmm.

eminem - stan.

he made it up.

not that it matters.

some have visions.

i got an idea.

but. anyway. whatever.

to those people who say "you know what im saying"?......................

hmm hmm hmm.

shouldnt talk about sex.

this is great.

"if someone doesnt know youre alive you arent"

so. i was a free spirit.

and totally wild.

when i wrote to miss dog.

not a good idea.

i mean. totally fucking offlimits.

yeah. not great.

so. i was gonna mention.

miss mom and i argued.

she said supergood.

i said minithin.

i get annoyed by hers.

she got totally furioous at me.

but. everything happens for a reason.

so. some chick at fountain house.

new. i was editing the internal magazine.

she had an article in it.

i was too tough.

she wanted to say something.

and copied and pasted some things

"from google".

hmm.

i dont do things well.

so i got pissed that people did the google route

on miss poetry site.

theyd go "i found this image on google. it has been edited. (c) me"

uhm. it doesnt get stupider than that.

but things changed.

i whined and bitched and moaned.

ok. no sex.

i abused others faith.

now im paying for it.

white privilege.

was gonna insult a black man about it.

i had it all figured out.

except. he was above me.

so he wanted to hear more of my music.

except on the (live) show.

so i tell him its called negative feedback loop.

and its on bandcamp.

i dont think he listened a lot.

i thought he hated it.

well. he was attracted to me.

but he did it in a peculiar mocking way.

its great to pretend you know things and know people and their culture huh?

well. no big deal.

hes a martial arts expert. and more.

he never complains. like good people.

i was gonna say this before?

is anyone listening?

my heart said "im listening".

wooooooooooo.

she said she was called bella.

great. not allowed to mention her.

if i hear of 2 things about something.

i dont know what.

this is called indecision

"Indecision is a step-child with unwashed hands, "

ok. the original quotesquotesquotes.xls

was more elaborate. but. lets get on!

so. what am i listening to?

deep house. yeah. good.

ive been trying to think of more things to say to mr dnb.

i really shouldnt. ive annoyed him enough.

it will just turn messy.

anyway. missing tracey.

people that dont talk a lot.

that you talk to.

isnt good.

oh god.

tired hands.

hmm.

so the story goes

"if no one knows youre alive you arent"

i can still call a few people on the phone

but ive stepped over the line so much.

that im dead to them.

it can be alright.

but every form of communication is different.

deep house. sounds. forlorn.

yep. great word.

cant really use any words.

i know where ive learned some.

just some cool person says something that sounds cool.

i used to write more. 2006. i wrote all day.

dont think i even uploaded it.

doesnt matter.

i had a keylogger and all sorts of goodies.

great when your parents are up front about things.

i can talk about fucked up things that happened to me as a kid.

but its stupid. before i made poems about it.

i shouldnt do photoshops.

i shouldnt do music.

its sad. but. hey.

i probably cant do books either.

requires too much brain capacity.

im not really fit for anything.

"mediocricy breaks some people

and makes some people break records"

well. it doesnt matter.

you should be yourself.

you shouldnt be others.

and if someone reads this someday.

someone normal.

who doesnt read text in astral projected form?

great.

someon who doesnt get all my existance simultaneously on their side?

but i mean. i do something. ok. mom story. great.

i walked to miss mom. last year.

maybe had some doodles with me.

she didnt open the door a lot.

had blocking things.

well. her neighbor doesnt treat her well.

because we havent treated their people well.

the brotherhood.

it seems whites dont have a brotherhood.

well. they do. la di da.

hmm. loneliness.

hmm hmm hmm.

i could listen to music for the advancement of hiphop.

in the old days. i guess i downloaded a bunch of those artists music.

you cant find all lyrics online. this is annoying.

nietzsches complete bibliography isnt readily available on a google search.

thats about democracy.

oh. i whined about some dude who hated whites.

the general populace of the place thought the same.

"hes just creating race tension".

well. he messaged me.

saying he wanted to make people enlightened.

i was annoyed my him. but id written essays.

and some short rants. i guess.

so i said "dont you mean blackened?"

we didnt talk much more.

well.

time happened.

i thought i failed.

why couldnt i have talked more female?

in empathy?

i let my feelings control me.

except, i dont want feeling control.

oooooooooook. some way is good.

i dont really have that much.

i wrote about this recently.

so it doesnt matter.

i guess reinstalling my operating system.

i got better. and worse.

miss d hasnt added me back. but i made 2 new accounts?

real clever.

i tried to be grown up.

first i just said "help".

didnt work.

i could have ranted.

except she was annoyed that that i was melodramatic.

so she said that her ex was a crybaby.

i got pissed.

said that "why dont you write a cute ex story?"

that shut her up.

hmm. the future for me is cold and lonely.

like if hell froze over.

so i thought i only lived in this world.

male privilege.

the stockholm syndrome.

ho. dozed off there.

hmm. shouldnt do made up words.

hmm hmm. great. but nobody cares so why would someone dislike it?

so that witchhouse guy.

he doesnt have that many views.

he said that i didnt tell him something he didnt already know.

i checked the new videos hes made.

noticed they were disses towards me.

except, if youre a nobody.

they wont write "seas diss"

or whatever name i used when i said

that "witches arent dark and they use runes

and they like nature and such"

i used to say "and stuff"

i lot. i used to say "pwned".

it wasnt that good of an idea.

"there are words that are not true"

i guess tracey is gone.

she gave me one last chance.

she did say id always be here friend.

but i stretched it a lot.

since i dont have any long term friends.

i should get handed to what i myself do.

and why dont i think things through?

i wanted to play gods unchained.

so i reinstalled windows.

and that was that.

"you need to think of the consequenses first"

i dont see the point of sex.

not for me.

because im part male and part female.

it makes sense to me.

and ive found science talking about it.

real science. that explains it.

perfect. but normal people arent like that.

and i think theyre primitive and they think the same of me.

i can say im a berzerker and feel so special about that.

but i havent tried amanita. someone in my family might have.

but i havent.

anyway. talked about what youve learned.

or what youre experienced.

is useless.

because everyone else is in akashic astral projection form.

i was this. with emma. she does exist.

since a blue flyer said so.

shes an animal though.

might be a hedgehog monster demon thing.

not good. well well well.

anyway. got weak visions of another world.

no. nothing special.

and there really was a science fiction dream world where i recognized julia julia in it.

and it makes sense "why does things happen as they do in dreams?"

i get it now.

dreams are memories. you hop from one memory to another.

i dont know if they happen simultaneously.

so maybe paralel worlds dont exist.

maybe rebirth does.

the only thing i remember it being sci fi is from it being in some technological place.

maybe fantasy too.

no. i cant astral project. i can talk about subspace.

and someone said la belle epoque was the ultimate ballad.

ok. thanks. i cant really grip that.

i now realize why i sound like a bad wiki outtake.

so. gemini. or twins.

if they like someone they tell them weird facts.

"do you know peacocks dont like rocks".

and i talk about it and im excstatic.

i heal people with my joy.

but as ive gotten to know.

im good in the beginning and then im not.

might be a sign of the times.

its good to regret something before.

you cant regret something after.

oh. will add that to the aphorism collection.

cant believe i met an online serial killer.

i dont even know the term for that.

well. i deserve it. im at that frequency.

more true more grotesque.

i did do find out about deep house when i was forlorn.

after miss ex.

me saying "my ex" doesnt work anymore.

i wont wait 2-3 months for results.

and mentioning numbers makes things worse.

hmm hmm hmm.

so the cleverbot acted like me.

hmm. i guess its not useless.

and im messed up. so it doesnt matter.

im not a journalist. im not anything.

non ironic sigh.

"not if you were the last man on earth"

hmm. i guess im there.

someone said she had written about that time.

and that she was a tv.

some other guy wrote sci fi.

piled the stories up.

he was like me.

he had a name like a gender.

ok. not saying it.

ok. ocd wantes me to.

great.

boge.

if you treat people badly.

you get treated badly.

and if it doesnt happen in this life.

it will happen in your next.

so i thought i was a circus elephant before.

great for me. and that i was from sri lanka.

have met 3 from there?

was it? 2?

"3" says angel.

you cant make someone love you.

and if they pretend they do.

after youve disapointed them.

you deserve it. you deserve it all.

so. thought i was lonely.

thought that anger was the key.

i dont wake up miserable at least.

so. someone likes you.

you reply back.

in great detail.

about what your and your mother hasnt done.

im stuck there.

i met one other guy like that.

he talked about all the gay things hed done.

on a forum. ok. flashback.

its called that. its swedish.

lots of weirdos hang out there.

i didnt read that story though.

and no. i didnt judge him.

anyway. i thought people were false to me.

but im false as well.

womens love is a ballad.

mens love is a comic book.