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Aug. 8th, 2022 11:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaaayou know what makes me proud?
truly genuinely proud?
uploading a bunch of albums ive made on bandcamp.
and then seeing them there.
thats pride to me.
except, then i delete them.
then, i finally figured i should change the login.
then i cant see the so called stats.
but numbers dont make me proud.
achievements do.
and i can brag about a lot.
and this sounds sappy so ill stop.
oh. i talked to a knifesouth babe.
everything she said went over my head.
but its just the illusion
that someone would appretiate me for who i am
oh. i did get some parts.
and. she knew everything about me.
im see through. im the illusion.
and the world isnt me.
no one can bother plowing through this.
like my music. they turn it off after 5 secs.
thats it. miss electro made a polar opposite of that.
i turned it off.
dresses arent good for me.
i used to mix swedish and english. when i blogged.
that was good though. because tracey is a mom.
so she understood. if she exists. ill never know.
i couldnt handle it.
i guess shes not that horrible.
like darkhalos previous album.
it sounded incredible.
then i tried it recently.
it was just predictable?
i mean. it was literally not the same songs?!
and it wasnt the same name.
it was called metamorphosis.
i made a flawed review. had listened to the first song.
thats it. and i thought i heard a sample in it.
which said "hecate". no? lilith?
miss mom says jesus wife was called that.
i dont know anything about christianity.
and...........
whats the difference between:
judaism
satanism
baalism
demonism
coptism
and more words im not allowed to use.
i should be normal. i should be proper. i should be swedish. in sweden.
but im in hell.
oh. things change. no point in having opinions then.
nietzsche said something about that. i could use my own words.
but i like his. im not trying to fit in.
havent really found anyone that appretiates him.
the hamlet wytch quoted him.
maybe i hadnt heard of him before then.
she found an englishman.
so did miss sri lanka.
i dont know if they live in the capital.
i heard its an ugly town.
and the government is. sigh.
my energy has faded.
everything turns cliché then.
oh. as for that citation.
oh. thought of my sister.
the only time we really connected.
we didnt talk a lot.
but we never did that.
she liked grunge music.
and theres stories about that culture.
MAC LETHAL SUCKS PT. 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_Q9dB7YdFI
thats my favorite song now.
it doesnt sound like it would be any of value.
the sample is beautiful. dreamstep.
but im not allowed to say that.
its monday.
i feared there would be nothing on my bank account.
but. it was the normal amount.
oh. i guess i phased off until i mentioned what i was supposed to mention.
and now i mentioned what i was supposed to mention.
and by that time. the thought was gone.
you want everything like before?
the mirror of truth.
thats deep. but i cant relate.
it sounds good. but it doesnt really spur anything inside of me.
i heard that i should look myself in the mirror.
i took a lot of selfies back then.
so i retaliated.
and didnt run.
and. it doesnt matter. spamming poetry.
low quality hogwash.
what does whining give me?
"all the stars that you see have been dead for a billion years"
thats deep. and with the sample.
it sounds incredible.
i dont know what its about.
maybe he was bullied long ago.
his flamewar. consisted of the other guy.
saying hes the biggest clown in ICP.
oh. insane clowne posse.
i havent heard them.
grotesque warning.
was it the book the heart of darkness? by joseph conrad?
written in the beginning of the 1900s?
i found the writing style to be really beautiful.
elaborate descriptions.
i quoted it on literarycitations.
but it didnt give me anything.
then i imagined that group liked me.
so i did my usual technique.
spamming poetry. so called opinons about things.
quickly thought quickly written.
someone got annoyed with me.
the top of her blog said she juggled 5 mental disorders.
i couldnt relate to that then.
i read long ago.
that the DSM treated humans as a collection of errors.
thats how science sees things. popular science.
how i interpret things. how my world presents it to me.
i could whine about it or be angry about it or joke about it.
but thats over. i hope.
so. went to the mall. bought some foodsies.
when i got home.
i realized it was complete deja vu.
i dont know if i bought the exact same things.
but everything else felt like a copy.
the problem though. the last time..?
felt like years ago.
i didnt live here then.
so what does that mean?
one of bob marleys daughters.
i. oh. i guess it shouldnt mix languages.
i should talk swedish. i should only talk english.
i. i. i. dont know.
one part says one thing.
one part says another.
and your heart says one.
but the heart is one of those.
i felt enough miserable i heard it say a word to me.
that heart is bella.
she called me her heart.
and many other amazing things.
i should make a poem of that.
but i wont. i did. but its spamming poetry.
negligable.
IT IS ALL REALLY THE SAME
LOW EFFORT MASS PRODUCED
AND OFTEN PORNOGRAPHIC
its pretty hard to make an impact.
if no one gives a fuck about you.
and i shouldnt be proud of.
uh. that she took me into her world.
never seek to tell thy love
love that is spoken of cannot be
its not the exact quote.
and maybe its william blake.
doesnt matter. i dont remember a lot.
like a thousand puzzles
each with a thousand pieces in a raffle.
its good if you achieve something.
then you turn into a better person.
and you still do music.
live your dream.
parent and musician.
thats not for me.
it seems.
but its not like that.
there is a greater world out there.
The mirror deflected his final spell back onto him, causing his essence to be destroyed forever. It became useless once the madman was defeated.
i played ultima 7 a whole summer.
i didnt really play it. i did mischief. that was about it.
but its not better or worse.
what if you want to be a better person?
be appretiated?
do good?
everyone has a heart.
oh. nietzsche said that silence is toxic.
keeping silent.
darkhalo - shattered energy.
so. mac lethal. he heard that he only makes entertainment for housewifes.
and thats not an in thing to do. but things said.
he replied
But what’s the point of having it if I don’t help people heal?
I used to wanna just destroy, I’d rather help you rebuild
it means a lot. evidently the comment section. which now in my perspective.
is 15001.
thats quite a lot.
maybe thats what my karma account is.
i dont know.
speak not horror.
see not bluff.
hear not peace.
show not
i did not like the alchemist.
then i said. the connection was lost. its still there.
if you can see.
if you can hear.
if you can speak.
if you still cannot.
if you cannot see.
if you cannot hear.
if you cannot speak.
if you still can too.
so. dad bothered me. he wasnt annoyed.
i told him about this new story genre i made.
you print random words.
or rhymes.
then you use all the words.
or all the rhymes.
or words between the words.
it worked. it sounded good.
they were unusal. but they ended poignantly.
like a true japanese haiku.
look. listen. see.
but it has more ancient origins.
it is said japan was founded in the 6th century.
A Paleolithic culture from around 30,000 BC constitutes the first known habitation of the islands of Japan
well. thats from fact.
i guess i shouldnt perpetuate stupidity.
the mythology. says that before the conquering.
there lived gojira there. wow. im so deep. and articulate. amazing. delete that shit now now now now.
i thought bella had a twin sister. siamese. the second time we met. since then.
i could make a story. but that only seldom.
she was called akira. except, according to the original story.
akira was a guy.
i am akira.
my sister is akari. i could look that up and get my illusion shattered. or i discover something better. which is what she wanted for me. how do you give up your heart?
i once asked.
if there are good demons.
i havent been able to answer it yet.
do demons live in heaven?
do angels live in hell?
no. demons are bad men.
corrupt men.
or. demons are men.
angels are women.
that sounds fatalistic.
ok. i should start saying akari. akari harakiri.
but that could end up strange.
i do not know about otaku culture.
i do not impress them.
https://soundcloud.com/heldeus/harakiri
hmm. strange link.
as usual. ymmv. your mileage may vary.
"life is like a beautiful melody
only the lyrics are mixed up"
how can something be both
hopeless and meaningful
at the same time?
i was going to do military duty.
it was mandatory back then.
it was tests. mental. physical. and psychological.
i didnt get a good score.
she looked at me
slowly rubbed her nose
in some sort of disgust.
and then i was acquitted.
akaris kyss på min nacke.
kiss akari neck on my you right.
i used to have nosebleeds.
no. how to explain.
jack of all trades.
where you go there.
you are.
If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.
i cannot remember those 3 words.
i can only recall "acculumation".
i do not know if it is stored in swedish or english or somehow other.
it could be explained. it is said the language of this is uuga buuga.
simple.
?=u=e*f*v
not really.
this is how my mind works.
i could make a tatu with them.
but i heard it was only criminals who had tatus before.
criminals and sailors.
or rather.
criminals and pirates.
earth criminals.
sea criminals.
the death of the earth.
the death of the seas.
geeks tell the truth.
i buoght a pc with only linux.
the network card couldnt be detected.
i guess that was a sign.
not the first one.
what else do i have?
i am cyberpunk?
i am cyberchrist?
i am cyberdemon?
so. the song i linked.
i figured i should ignore it.
and go back to that cute evilness.
like harakiri in and of itself.
honourable suicide.
that is another world.
cannot say i understand it.
this is the definition of a warrior.
hey. its like before.
it is before and before and before and before.
i realized later. some of my acts.
only harakiri could have understood.
i called her a lyxhora. golddigger.
she laughed. it sounded genuine.
what do i know.
her friends thought of me as her kunta kinte.
i guess i should only talk in poetry.
cosmic poetry.
cosmic ballads.
cosmic fairytales.
i guess they call that science fiction.
i do not know this world.
except. maybe one true dream.
julia julia julia.
julia angel.
Honorifics of the other person's house.
2
Honorifics of the other person or the place to which the other person belongs.
"I'm sure you are aware of that."
3
A person who shuts himself up in the world of his own narrow tastes and hobbies and does not want to associate with the world (dark feeling).
"computer-"
that didnt turn out better.
damned if you do
damned if you dont
100 tpm.
100 wpm
100 bpm.
100 rpm.
red young heart
blue old mind
purple middle paradox
metal is predictable
but it is only that to me
my world
my sister liked grunge
they are related
dont lose your soul
dont lose your courage
dont lose your power
dont lose your self
dont lose your ego
dont lose your twin
dont lose your sister
dont lose your faith
dont lose your art
dont lose your style
dont lose your hair
dont lose your colour
dont lose your dont
dont dont dont dont
dont lose dont lose
lose dont lose dont
lose lose lose lose
your your your your
du är också japansk
truly genuinely proud?
uploading a bunch of albums ive made on bandcamp.
and then seeing them there.
thats pride to me.
except, then i delete them.
then, i finally figured i should change the login.
then i cant see the so called stats.
but numbers dont make me proud.
achievements do.
and i can brag about a lot.
and this sounds sappy so ill stop.
oh. i talked to a knifesouth babe.
everything she said went over my head.
but its just the illusion
that someone would appretiate me for who i am
oh. i did get some parts.
and. she knew everything about me.
im see through. im the illusion.
and the world isnt me.
no one can bother plowing through this.
like my music. they turn it off after 5 secs.
thats it. miss electro made a polar opposite of that.
i turned it off.
dresses arent good for me.
i used to mix swedish and english. when i blogged.
that was good though. because tracey is a mom.
so she understood. if she exists. ill never know.
i couldnt handle it.
i guess shes not that horrible.
like darkhalos previous album.
it sounded incredible.
then i tried it recently.
it was just predictable?
i mean. it was literally not the same songs?!
and it wasnt the same name.
it was called metamorphosis.
i made a flawed review. had listened to the first song.
thats it. and i thought i heard a sample in it.
which said "hecate". no? lilith?
miss mom says jesus wife was called that.
i dont know anything about christianity.
and...........
whats the difference between:
judaism
satanism
baalism
demonism
coptism
and more words im not allowed to use.
i should be normal. i should be proper. i should be swedish. in sweden.
but im in hell.
oh. things change. no point in having opinions then.
nietzsche said something about that. i could use my own words.
but i like his. im not trying to fit in.
havent really found anyone that appretiates him.
the hamlet wytch quoted him.
maybe i hadnt heard of him before then.
she found an englishman.
so did miss sri lanka.
i dont know if they live in the capital.
i heard its an ugly town.
and the government is. sigh.
my energy has faded.
everything turns cliché then.
oh. as for that citation.
oh. thought of my sister.
the only time we really connected.
we didnt talk a lot.
but we never did that.
she liked grunge music.
and theres stories about that culture.
MAC LETHAL SUCKS PT. 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_Q9dB7YdFI
thats my favorite song now.
it doesnt sound like it would be any of value.
the sample is beautiful. dreamstep.
but im not allowed to say that.
its monday.
i feared there would be nothing on my bank account.
but. it was the normal amount.
oh. i guess i phased off until i mentioned what i was supposed to mention.
and now i mentioned what i was supposed to mention.
and by that time. the thought was gone.
you want everything like before?
the mirror of truth.
thats deep. but i cant relate.
it sounds good. but it doesnt really spur anything inside of me.
i heard that i should look myself in the mirror.
i took a lot of selfies back then.
so i retaliated.
and didnt run.
and. it doesnt matter. spamming poetry.
low quality hogwash.
what does whining give me?
"all the stars that you see have been dead for a billion years"
thats deep. and with the sample.
it sounds incredible.
i dont know what its about.
maybe he was bullied long ago.
his flamewar. consisted of the other guy.
saying hes the biggest clown in ICP.
oh. insane clowne posse.
i havent heard them.
grotesque warning.
was it the book the heart of darkness? by joseph conrad?
written in the beginning of the 1900s?
i found the writing style to be really beautiful.
elaborate descriptions.
i quoted it on literarycitations.
but it didnt give me anything.
then i imagined that group liked me.
so i did my usual technique.
spamming poetry. so called opinons about things.
quickly thought quickly written.
someone got annoyed with me.
the top of her blog said she juggled 5 mental disorders.
i couldnt relate to that then.
i read long ago.
that the DSM treated humans as a collection of errors.
thats how science sees things. popular science.
how i interpret things. how my world presents it to me.
i could whine about it or be angry about it or joke about it.
but thats over. i hope.
so. went to the mall. bought some foodsies.
when i got home.
i realized it was complete deja vu.
i dont know if i bought the exact same things.
but everything else felt like a copy.
the problem though. the last time..?
felt like years ago.
i didnt live here then.
so what does that mean?
one of bob marleys daughters.
i. oh. i guess it shouldnt mix languages.
i should talk swedish. i should only talk english.
i. i. i. dont know.
one part says one thing.
one part says another.
and your heart says one.
but the heart is one of those.
i felt enough miserable i heard it say a word to me.
that heart is bella.
she called me her heart.
and many other amazing things.
i should make a poem of that.
but i wont. i did. but its spamming poetry.
negligable.
IT IS ALL REALLY THE SAME
LOW EFFORT MASS PRODUCED
AND OFTEN PORNOGRAPHIC
its pretty hard to make an impact.
if no one gives a fuck about you.
and i shouldnt be proud of.
uh. that she took me into her world.
never seek to tell thy love
love that is spoken of cannot be
its not the exact quote.
and maybe its william blake.
doesnt matter. i dont remember a lot.
like a thousand puzzles
each with a thousand pieces in a raffle.
its good if you achieve something.
then you turn into a better person.
and you still do music.
live your dream.
parent and musician.
thats not for me.
it seems.
but its not like that.
there is a greater world out there.
The mirror deflected his final spell back onto him, causing his essence to be destroyed forever. It became useless once the madman was defeated.
i played ultima 7 a whole summer.
i didnt really play it. i did mischief. that was about it.
but its not better or worse.
what if you want to be a better person?
be appretiated?
do good?
everyone has a heart.
oh. nietzsche said that silence is toxic.
keeping silent.
darkhalo - shattered energy.
so. mac lethal. he heard that he only makes entertainment for housewifes.
and thats not an in thing to do. but things said.
he replied
But what’s the point of having it if I don’t help people heal?
I used to wanna just destroy, I’d rather help you rebuild
it means a lot. evidently the comment section. which now in my perspective.
is 15001.
thats quite a lot.
maybe thats what my karma account is.
i dont know.
speak not horror.
see not bluff.
hear not peace.
show not
i did not like the alchemist.
then i said. the connection was lost. its still there.
if you can see.
if you can hear.
if you can speak.
if you still cannot.
if you cannot see.
if you cannot hear.
if you cannot speak.
if you still can too.
so. dad bothered me. he wasnt annoyed.
i told him about this new story genre i made.
you print random words.
or rhymes.
then you use all the words.
or all the rhymes.
or words between the words.
it worked. it sounded good.
they were unusal. but they ended poignantly.
like a true japanese haiku.
look. listen. see.
but it has more ancient origins.
it is said japan was founded in the 6th century.
A Paleolithic culture from around 30,000 BC constitutes the first known habitation of the islands of Japan
well. thats from fact.
i guess i shouldnt perpetuate stupidity.
the mythology. says that before the conquering.
there lived gojira there. wow. im so deep. and articulate. amazing. delete that shit now now now now.
i thought bella had a twin sister. siamese. the second time we met. since then.
i could make a story. but that only seldom.
she was called akira. except, according to the original story.
akira was a guy.
i am akira.
my sister is akari. i could look that up and get my illusion shattered. or i discover something better. which is what she wanted for me. how do you give up your heart?
i once asked.
if there are good demons.
i havent been able to answer it yet.
do demons live in heaven?
do angels live in hell?
no. demons are bad men.
corrupt men.
or. demons are men.
angels are women.
that sounds fatalistic.
ok. i should start saying akari. akari harakiri.
but that could end up strange.
i do not know about otaku culture.
i do not impress them.
https://soundcloud.com/heldeus/harakiri
hmm. strange link.
as usual. ymmv. your mileage may vary.
"life is like a beautiful melody
only the lyrics are mixed up"
how can something be both
hopeless and meaningful
at the same time?
i was going to do military duty.
it was mandatory back then.
it was tests. mental. physical. and psychological.
i didnt get a good score.
she looked at me
slowly rubbed her nose
in some sort of disgust.
and then i was acquitted.
akaris kyss på min nacke.
kiss akari neck on my you right.
i used to have nosebleeds.
no. how to explain.
jack of all trades.
where you go there.
you are.
If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.
i cannot remember those 3 words.
i can only recall "acculumation".
i do not know if it is stored in swedish or english or somehow other.
it could be explained. it is said the language of this is uuga buuga.
simple.
?=u=e*f*v
not really.
this is how my mind works.
i could make a tatu with them.
but i heard it was only criminals who had tatus before.
criminals and sailors.
or rather.
criminals and pirates.
earth criminals.
sea criminals.
the death of the earth.
the death of the seas.
geeks tell the truth.
i buoght a pc with only linux.
the network card couldnt be detected.
i guess that was a sign.
not the first one.
what else do i have?
i am cyberpunk?
i am cyberchrist?
i am cyberdemon?
so. the song i linked.
i figured i should ignore it.
and go back to that cute evilness.
like harakiri in and of itself.
honourable suicide.
that is another world.
cannot say i understand it.
this is the definition of a warrior.
hey. its like before.
it is before and before and before and before.
i realized later. some of my acts.
only harakiri could have understood.
i called her a lyxhora. golddigger.
she laughed. it sounded genuine.
what do i know.
her friends thought of me as her kunta kinte.
i guess i should only talk in poetry.
cosmic poetry.
cosmic ballads.
cosmic fairytales.
i guess they call that science fiction.
i do not know this world.
except. maybe one true dream.
julia julia julia.
julia angel.
Honorifics of the other person's house.
2
Honorifics of the other person or the place to which the other person belongs.
"I'm sure you are aware of that."
3
A person who shuts himself up in the world of his own narrow tastes and hobbies and does not want to associate with the world (dark feeling).
"computer-"
that didnt turn out better.
damned if you do
damned if you dont
100 tpm.
100 wpm
100 bpm.
100 rpm.
red young heart
blue old mind
purple middle paradox
metal is predictable
but it is only that to me
my world
my sister liked grunge
they are related
dont lose your soul
dont lose your courage
dont lose your power
dont lose your self
dont lose your ego
dont lose your twin
dont lose your sister
dont lose your faith
dont lose your art
dont lose your style
dont lose your hair
dont lose your colour
dont lose your dont
dont dont dont dont
dont lose dont lose
lose dont lose dont
lose lose lose lose
your your your your
du är också japansk
