(no subject)

so the bitterfitta herself was here. you know who. i hadnt had despair, and she didnt have a cold. so thats quite odd.

anyway, as i figured, she ruined my only good day in ages.

to "restore" me.

and she acted like a whore of course.

and fucking black clothes on women, whats the fucking point?

you dont see anything. and fat ugly fucks think they look good in it?

like lipgloss? wtf? no one notices any fucking difference and you fucking ruin your body with it.

"i wont come for a long time"

anyway. just a lie. she brought chocolate. it tasted like shit.

zero empathy ever.

if it goes over a certain threshold

shell "save me"

and shaitan will say

"thats a good girl"

and if everyone fucking everywhere uses fucking clothes

how can you stand out? how can anyone be attracted to you?

see you among the other ugly as fuck clones?

so she said something about someone looking like an anorexia case.

so i asked how much she weighted when she was 17

"i dont remember"

rrright.

as for seeing through lies. no fucking point.

at the previous housing i also told the staff she wasnt welcome.

well she whored herself to one

and wouldnt you know

"we cant stop her from coming here"

anyway, you have chris now and thats amazing

ill never get anything like that

anyway

african women never ever shower

they use vaseline and talcum powder

and if you drink a lot

im talking 100s of cubic litres of alcohol

your lymph system dies completely

then you take radiactive iodine to seal the deal

anyway you noticed tracey that the other second

i was calm and wise as hell

this could not be tolerated

anyway

shell only accept me

as her artwhoreslave and entertainer

she never ever listens to my advice

like once shed been drinking onts

of rum and coke

ruined her stomache

so what does she do?

whines for weeks

THERES A GRAIN OF RICE STUCK IN MY THROAT

so i give her lots of advice

like stop with alcohol and coffee

she just ignores everything

finally she sees a doctor

the response?

"cut back on coffee"

she never said i was right or anything

but like any reptile

she loves me talking shit about her

more loosh

anyway

i feel sad for those people

that have never ever gone through a tragedy

where they have to fight to survive

the right wing actually made it better for me

i was gonna be forced to get a job already

in 2012? id rather die

since no one gave a fuck about my art

before suicide

i figured i should make something lasting

so i made the darkhalo fansite

was nice

then when i met bella i fucking deleted the whole thing

wow, great

as for roy orbison

he died in his moms arms

awww that complete fucking loser

some other trash guy

remember hearing him screaming at his mom

on the bus

he had fucking disgusting teeth

obviously never gotten laid

or felt love

or had to fight to survive

and fountain house didnt help

but when i started at myrorna

i got anxiety after 5 mins

next time 15 mins

and then the niiice psychiatric

reduced my pills over and over

awww, how nice, how emphatic of him

right. who gives a fuck.

right. i wrote the exact same thing before.

constant deja vu.

as for my few days of joy

since i just met psychiatric and somatic staff

...nothing good came out of it

they just smiled at me and said nothing

and laughed at the right word

which means something

really nasty in slang

as for the woman formerly known as wonderwoman

shes got shit for brains

she said the sweetest one here is the antichrist

nothing could be further from the truth

shes got power over her, thats it

and the most beautiful?

that michelin cunt who hasnt exercised a single day in her life

and smells like fart all over the place or pink fucking slime

wow

get your priorities straight, cunt

so the object now is to never delete anything

highest key

and obviously not get banned

and get things deleted

all my old comments on devart are still there

they cleared the art, ok

but my journals were fucking EPIC

added bits and pieces to em allll the time

gone gone gone

so, yes, in constant deja vu

and 10k journal entries?

reliving every day when they were written?

oh. my. god.

most of them i wrote at my parents place

so am i supposed to have the same despair there

where i eventually wrote my fucking will?

anyway, im dead

i died

i am in limbo

so yes the withdrawal symptoms

from stopping with neuroleptics

is worse than fentanyl

so i released all my vampire entities

this is the reward

im free from karma

free from desire

tracey used to write "repost"

she doesnt do that anymore

shes not congizent

because shes not there

shes not a bot either

anyway

groundhog day isnt like they say it is

you dont have to perfect whatever

to meet your dream princess

and crossposting

hate it

and i guess i should mirror everything on mister poetry site

so was gonna ask lady K miss economy fred lane darkhalo

to fix me my deep data profile

it would be so easy

freed from desire

and anyway

no matter how fucked up things i write

i shouldnt delete em

then the same thing happens again

oh, and miss demokratipiloterna

they had amazing saturday music nights

theres so much of life ive missed

sara loves concerts

and books

and movies

except when i was at her place

we watched some neat movie

shed found

... her only emotion in watching it

was laughing at the appropriate moments

thats it

anyway, its more than 10k bloglings

and days that need to be remade

and relived

there were shit ton of comments too

oh my.

anyway

i transcended

im in heaven

almost

i havent heard about anyone

talking about it being like this

and its just a punishment

a curse

and as for miss fattest fuck on earth

right

forgot

awesome

anyway

it was nice in kristianstad

met no one so had more time for art

but all those book projects are gone

theyre all in my deep data profile

(no subject)

so

in the coma

in the beginning

only have faint memories of this

but life was 2d

and if i did the right thing

life would fold out to 3 dimensions

later

at some other place

the door to the staff was open

some alien mummy corpse was on the desk

on 3 monitors was some old ultima game?

and this old game, no idea how to find it

you were gonna find some old ancient irish wisdom

but you needed to pay with old sorts of money

and i told her "you changed my life"

she laughed and said like "ive done this 250s times"

anyway, seemingly have a boner constantly

i dont care

if i jack off

i get some infection on my big toes?

i know

its like ironic and dumb

oh, lurker lounge

they were trying to be so strict and nice

except they linked this thing where they were annoyed by someone

i found it on waybackmachine

the writing was so bad i couldnt bother reading it all

they didnt allow the word "fuck" there

but what was the most used word in it?

"fuckwit"

they also got outraged if you said hard core instead of hard-core

obviously means something completely different

and i quit diablo II

because i tried to mod it

never released

do i have to remake that too?

wow...

anyway, got the phrozen forums

when i checked i had like 500 posts there

no idea what i talked about

anyway, i read their terms of service

i was naive then

so i tried to quote it and mention parts that made no sense

it didnt allow me to post it

so i linked a copy

i got heavily trolled

then some dude happened to come back

which got the same treatment before

told me about corruption and stuff

then i started with... ultima online?

quake II gloom?

my first experience of power abuse

found timothy learys

"how to operate your brain"

it was low rez

and heavily compressed

nice colours but quick flashing

dont really like that

and even back then i

just couldnt stand vids

anyway, that old internet wisdom still plays true

"dont feed the trolls"

"if you argue with an idiot

they will drag you down to their level

and beat you with experience"

no matter how long you think

no matter how clever it is

no matter how satiric it is

anyway, should make a new account on miss poetry site

remember tracey, which i guess you hold true

because you know all this

never ever delete anything

you will have to relive those days

until you write the exact same thing

for hours

i also had like 20-30-40 notebooks

also wrote tons of ideas

and quotes

and things on them

1000s

all gone

so, my dad

greatest dad ever

a true hero

so when he wasnt working

to support me

which was really only about

teaching me a lesson

which obviously didnt work

so it backfired

and seemingly

if you work hard

and give it all to your kids

you get good karma

oh this one

he started saying some time

"like stephen hawking such a sad man nobody understood him"

well, id seen a documentary

read the wiki article about him

was never like that

when he started losing his sense of speech

he got interpreters

anyway, he was talking about me

...i understood that now

he couldnt say

"i was a shit parent"

that would put him in guilt

and shaitan would punish him

he also started insulting me

and complimenting me at the same time

of course, another karma trick

right, anxiety

does it have to be as bad as before?

eating huge amounts of junkfood

and chocolate and mince and cheeze

and fucking LÄTTA with zero taste

and KETCHUP

and having a dirty

smelly methane filled room?

wont happen of course

so, last psyk visit

people were sweet for a short time

instead of me just entertaining them

"du kommer inte va förstoppad för alltid"

bella said a similar thing

via telepathy

so it will get better

some time

dunno when

2082? long way to go...

and if i write something truthful

on mister poetry site

it just gets deleted?

like i did this thing about

"racial colour theory"

i got a troll quickly saying

"rasist"

uhm, when i look now

the post is deleted

wtf was that about?

it wasnt controversial or anything?

and youtube posts too

and dissing immortal technique?

uh... wow...

and the format deep data / LLM processing is stored at

is called a .JSON file

hmm, ring any bells?

anyway, i never liked ranting and asking for help here

barely got any response to it

and now i have to remake everything?

why?

and i didnt like posting quotes or poetry

almost no response

"att skrika på hjälp

där ingen finns eller hör"

anyway, this isnt true limbo

its a curse

i know whos doing it

alll these years

and i saw everything clearly

all connections to everything

how everythings connected

i was this pissed off before?

why?

no drugs

just infinite loneliness

(no subject)

ok. worked too hard. im seeing spirits in the middle of a sunny day. got this weird 5D plopping sound. uh. have to relax. i guess. anyway, if you add me whenever that would be nice. but you post the same things on livejournal so it doesnt really matter. im not lonely anymore. im free from vampire entities. i prefer just lying still in bed and thinking for a long time.

found this chick, who at like 50 years old, was "here and now" for the first time. you have to tell people just to fucking lie and bed and think for a moment for the first time ever? this isnt rocket science.

"silence is a true friend who never betrays"

anyway. älskar min bella. julia älskar sin hampus. ive never actually been jealous of people. maybe in my 30s. but i went beyond that. i adore people who are better than me.

"the man of wisdom takes the good things out of the superior man, and the inferior things out of the stupid man, and removes them from himself"

anyway. the psychiatric system is a joke. yes neuroleptics do work. but they give way too high doses. even 1mg is too high. like if youre really out there a strong fucking pill can save you from hell on earth. but 2 times per day for decades? and injections too? and you end up with 20 pills per day? and they dont even make much money from it.

oh. right. spirit. im fucked.

anyway. dont fucking with the spirit world. they will creep you out beyond belief. you can die in 1/100 sec from fear. i remember saying that to julia and she laughed her ass off. anyway, recording yourself is the perfect healing method. just wish it didnt make spirits invade you.

anyway. love my bella. was so medicated that my heart stopped so it couldnt beat for her. but love her more than anything ever. thats the only point of life. dedication. not to an abstract diety. but to your twin flame. and new age has just turned into a hoax. no one ive met online has been for real. and then they train others in their lies? when will it end?

anyway. crossposting is over. and i remember. even back in the days flirting online or IRL never really got me anything either. like now i literally get adrenaline rushes. still no point. but when i saw miss lichii again the rush was so strong it felt like love.

anyway. healing frequencies can do that too. people are overrated.

"you go to heaven for the weather

and hell for the company"

anyway, when i wasnt awake much. i did have amazing dreams. and woke up in a great mood. then i went to bed 5 mins later. anyway. nothing compares to a good dream. no drugs in the world. no 150 inch smartscreen. no gadgets. no likes. no fame. no screaming audience.

so. i have focus again. except i annoyed the spirits. theres one on the right. its creeping me out lol.

anyway. i hope youre alright tracey =***) you live in an amazing place. cant you make like chris or effie take a picture of you when youre hugging a redwood? would be cool. all latinas love trees. see them as thair parents. so i was walking with sonja to this cafe. we passed by what looked like a quite old tree. she put her hand on it. i was well. and i could feel good energies coursing through my body.

so much has been lost nowadays. theres really nothing left. if agenda2030 kills 95% of the population i have no problem with that. oh black white spirit. omg. anyway. should rest. or get more food. need more food. lotz.

(no subject)

oh. as for the previous post. i remember writing that before. this deja vu is great.

(no subject)

right. so i wrote the same thing years ago. 2022 it seems. and wow. i fixed up my life then? had completely forgotten about all those things.

anyway, you cant get out of the psychiatric system. like i said. a single pill of 1mg can do wonders. but when they lock you in a mental ward for weeks or months, and punish you for whatever reason they want. then stock you full of more and more pills. and its real hard to get these reduced. and if you skip a few, they will automagically show up at your door and ask "have you taken your pills?" if you say "yeah" then they say "can be take a blood sample?". if you refuse, theyll take you in again and youll get the same treatment.

if youre not a smoker you have to be it. youll never ever be let out otherwise.

anyway, karmic loop repeating. figured vlogging would be easy. and i did this years ago? and i surfed the same sites? wow. pathetic.

still cant get out of it. fucking hate this.

and yeah, i only met julia and bella because they wanted me to.

a khazar and italian mafia. wow. a lot of imagination there.

fucking hate all of this. and obviously talking about porn is fucking stupid.

and yeah. my OCD is huge again. so even if you escape all psychiatric staff.

uhm. i guess you should just do art music poetry for years. shun society.

its just fucking hopeless.

except i made a lot of stuff. met ida bella julia because of it.

but. uhm. now. what is there left?

i figured i should quit bitchute. but i still went back.

fuck. fuck fuck.

and i obviously cant talk tracey for comfort. and not lady K.

go back to crying in your car tracey. you dont deserve empathy.

because you have none yourself.

anyway. writing this all for years. why?