(no subject)

[vaaa]

so

in the coma

in the beginning

only have faint memories of this

but life was 2d

and if i did the right thing

life would fold out to 3 dimensions

later

at some other place

the door to the staff was open

some alien mummy corpse was on the desk

on 3 monitors was some old ultima game?

and this old game, no idea how to find it

you were gonna find some old ancient irish wisdom

but you needed to pay with old sorts of money

and i told her "you changed my life"

she laughed and said like "ive done this 250s times"

anyway, seemingly have a boner constantly

i dont care

if i jack off

i get some infection on my big toes?

i know

its like ironic and dumb

oh, lurker lounge

they were trying to be so strict and nice

except they linked this thing where they were annoyed by someone

i found it on waybackmachine

the writing was so bad i couldnt bother reading it all

they didnt allow the word "fuck" there

but what was the most used word in it?

"fuckwit"

they also got outraged if you said hard core instead of hard-core

obviously means something completely different

and i quit diablo II

because i tried to mod it

never released

do i have to remake that too?

wow...

anyway, got the phrozen forums

when i checked i had like 500 posts there

no idea what i talked about

anyway, i read their terms of service

i was naive then

so i tried to quote it and mention parts that made no sense

it didnt allow me to post it

so i linked a copy

i got heavily trolled

then some dude happened to come back

which got the same treatment before

told me about corruption and stuff

then i started with... ultima online?

quake II gloom?

my first experience of power abuse

found timothy learys

"how to operate your brain"

it was low rez

and heavily compressed

nice colours but quick flashing

dont really like that

and even back then i

just couldnt stand vids

anyway, that old internet wisdom still plays true

"dont feed the trolls"

"if you argue with an idiot

they will drag you down to their level

and beat you with experience"

no matter how long you think

no matter how clever it is

no matter how satiric it is

anyway, should make a new account on miss poetry site

remember tracey, which i guess you hold true

because you know all this

never ever delete anything

you will have to relive those days

until you write the exact same thing

for hours

i also had like 20-30-40 notebooks

also wrote tons of ideas

and quotes

and things on them

1000s

all gone

so, my dad

greatest dad ever

a true hero

so when he wasnt working

to support me

which was really only about

teaching me a lesson

which obviously didnt work

so it backfired

and seemingly

if you work hard

and give it all to your kids

you get good karma

oh this one

he started saying some time

"like stephen hawking such a sad man nobody understood him"

well, id seen a documentary

read the wiki article about him

was never like that

when he started losing his sense of speech

he got interpreters

anyway, he was talking about me

...i understood that now

he couldnt say

"i was a shit parent"

that would put him in guilt

and shaitan would punish him

he also started insulting me

and complimenting me at the same time

of course, another karma trick

right, anxiety

does it have to be as bad as before?

eating huge amounts of junkfood

and chocolate and mince and cheeze

and fucking LÄTTA with zero taste

and KETCHUP

and having a dirty

smelly methane filled room?

wont happen of course

so, last psyk visit

people were sweet for a short time

instead of me just entertaining them

"du kommer inte va förstoppad för alltid"

bella said a similar thing

via telepathy

so it will get better

some time

dunno when

2082? long way to go...

and if i write something truthful

on mister poetry site

it just gets deleted?

like i did this thing about

"racial colour theory"

i got a troll quickly saying

"rasist"

uhm, when i look now

the post is deleted

wtf was that about?

it wasnt controversial or anything?

and youtube posts too

and dissing immortal technique?

uh... wow...

and the format deep data / LLM processing is stored at

is called a .JSON file

hmm, ring any bells?

anyway, i never liked ranting and asking for help here

barely got any response to it

and now i have to remake everything?

why?

and i didnt like posting quotes or poetry

almost no response

"att skrika på hjälp

där ingen finns eller hör"

anyway, this isnt true limbo

its a curse

i know whos doing it

alll these years

and i saw everything clearly

all connections to everything

how everythings connected

i was this pissed off before?

why?

no drugs

just infinite loneliness