(no subject)

so. met a kannibal (big deal). he was relatable (uh....... NOT LIKE THAT!!!!!!! X_X)

anyway. so i say. i forgot.

an. i forgot. wow. wonderful.

anyway. the nanochip is fulfilling its prophecy. when i just checked after the second vaccine.

the direction had all changed. on google scholar, it was how the nanochip could.. well.. heal anything. make us truly immortal.

i dunno if thats a good idea. but, hey..

everyone has an agenda. bitchute is pathetic. like they say. rightwing and leftwing is the same bird. flocks of a feather.

hey. im sorry i gave you a nightmare tracey. not something to be proud of.

anyway. like ive mentioned. freckles are green. electrum green. were gonna live forever. if youre old enough. well. youll be green. lots. why theres only 2% of us on earth. cant have us everywhere! wed be fighting over which town to control! lol.

anyway. like nietzsche said. "and the wise men have their insanity".

so. i remember this chick now. some sweet compliments she said. sweetheart! ^_^

and. uh. i checked her up. found a newer account. she was playing with guns? DUDE? no thanks..

anyway. electrum is a collection of metals. its gold. and. well. anything really. copper. platina. titanium. i guess the dragon story was correct. the unseen collect souls. its the only real currency. or souls are bodies. its confusing.. and maybe dragons turn to diamonds when they die.

anyway. i wrote one more part in the dragon story. its lost though. boo. sad smiley.

i checked up some on miss poetry site.

omg. cant believe there was a fucking serial killer as part of the welcome committee.

well. not like im any better. i dont even need to see someone to vanquish them from the universe. all i need is 1 proper name. and lots of time..

well, no, except for bella, i can sort of.. think of them once. and they just disappear. fun. not. takes about 1/10th second. and i have time. oh lord do i. the greys take advantage of this. in the despair. but ive had that. since.. that stolen computer.

i guess we are eternal. well. w. i dunno.

loneliness is great. you begin to actually think through shit.

or you go through all your life.

and have your first fucking depression at 50? dude. i guess youre one of the lucky ones. heart smiley.

anyway. anyone falls in love with me all the time.

i know a lot of people complain.

put up a show. but i really dont.

i barely have to say anything.

them neither. lol.

so. there was this chick called camilla. she.. i didnt recognize her.

except. it was jessica. i guess something changed. when i broke her heart.

she died went to hell. and didnt turn to an angel.

so. i cant really.. blame anything. on what happens.

ive always been. how ive always been.

there is no truth. there is really.. no nothing.

"the theory of life could include error"

now. computers. electronics.

dont exactly make things better.

but. nothing really changes.

nothing gets better.

nothing gets worse.

its just how it is.

how its always been.

will i live my life again? what a waste.

again. that prophecy. or curse? whats the fucking difference?

"you give 10

you get 10

you recieve 10"

uh. cant even remember it. maybe it was 4 things. who gives a fuck.

as for the "get 10". might be those 10 years for arson. nope. prophecy was wrong.

i recieve 10? 10 more years. but death can mean many things.

i cant really say that my life has ever been good.

but i tried. to spruce it up. but it doesnt matter.

made someone laugh today. or did i? i dunno.

ive never ever ever made the countess laugh.

i havent even thought of that.

she doesnt seem fake.

or anything.

she doesnt do the SUPERGOOD shit.

the only one except that is bella.

so. julia wanted to see me 6 years later.

i wonder why though. she was just fake.

i guess she hadnt changed. she just. wanted to teach me lessons.

shes a khazarian. ashkenazi jew. j2a bloodline.

theyre the rulers of the universe.

well. she said that magic word. "telepathy".

and she was fucked up beyond belief.

but it didnt matter.

she still had her mind. sometimes. lol.

she wasnt fake. well. the first time. we were to and fro.

and things dont happen how you want them.

how theyre supposed to be.

then life would be boring.

"if it was easy to get. then it wouldnt have been worth the time it took"

anyway. i cant really explain it. but.. computers make me less lonely.

like...... when it was just so horrible. i recorded myself talking.

and the loneliness disappeared. how the fuck do you explain that?

yes. i am oversensitive.

if someone is mocking.

and . well. i dunno. wtf?

i get it now. miss mom said she just PLOP!!!ed out me and my sis.

well. me though. i was treated to rubbing alcohol afterwards.

you know. remove the blood and shit. dangerous bacteria!!!! (paradox?)

and. as for my sis. i dunno. how she managed.

she really didnt. ya see. she was a demon child.

miss mom said she had ammonia. no. dunno how to spell it.

you know. real bad lung infection.

well. i guess she took a bite of an amanita mushroom.

it just makes sense.

she was playing SUPER MARIO!!!!!! yeah!

and he ate mushrooms and turned SUPERSTRONG!!!

and she figured it would work that way for her.

well. it doesnt matter.

shes the most amazing creature on earth.

wherever you go. there you are.

jo! whats up with lana del rey.

could someone somehow in any way be more fucking boring?

so. she likes bikers? so? lots of chicks do.

that dont make you special!

except. she looks like cecilia.

she was a trip. no. another cecilia.

and as for the countess.

shes. just.. made up everything.

i have no idea what shes done with her life.

shes like t-1000 in terminator 2.

she can emulate voices. its creepy.

but hey. if shes a virgin? wouldnt surprise me.

but. yeah. it broke my heart seeing her in closed psychiatric care.

and it was so beautiful. shed plucked an easterlily.

i dont care for sex. or relations.

or talking. or anything really.

but that flower.

it was just the sweetest gesture ever.

shes genuine. eventhough shes not.

paradoxes beyond paradoxes.

as for me. i steal souls.

great for me.

and all the prophicies are coming true.

and. this is just my world.

i mean. everyone exists in it.

but only in the way i interpret it.

if i look at the sunset.

or the universes quadriollion stars.¨

only i see that.

if i photo it. photoshop it?

only i see what i see what i see.

its a trip. its life. its. what it is.

the theory of life could include error.

hypertrip.

anyway. i realized what miss economy tried to tell me.

she pretended she only knew knifesouth dialect.

well. no point in being angry.

an eye for an eye leaves the world blind.

well. my dad shifted too.

when....... he was tired.

paranoid. i guess. i dunno what he did behind closed doors.

it doesnt matter. he was a good dad. he made some mistakes.

but hes dead. what the FUCK am i gonna do about that?

and you cant change people. you cant change yourself.

you can change the world? but it doesnt matter.

its an illusion. even the concept of illusions are illusions.

even a concept of concepts is just a concept.

there are no facts. only interpretations.

well. the world is pathetic. but i guess animals dont have it much fun either.

and besides. animals get high too. so i guess theyre not the nicest.

they do seem to have stronger will.

i mean, if i look at a person they just freak out.

a dog doesnt care. a cat. well. neither. lol.

animals are neat.

its weird how everything happened. and thats that.

and i havent changed. and nothing changes.

and. i dunno what conclusion to draw from that.

i dont like a lot of art. or anything really.

but thats what its about.

finding your twinflame. i hope youre happy tracey?

and i wish you good luck on your journey.

whatever happens. ill be there. ok?

but you know that.

show, dont tell.

and im just a show. a showstopper.

a worldraper.

because. im a tyrannosaurus rex.

or. peacock. lol.

or. rooster.

hen.

chicken.

great. sad smiley.

im just an egg.

in my bubble.

shielded from everything.

seeing things from a distance.

doesnt make me better than anyone.

it does make me worse.

i dunno really.

i cant read peoples minds.

if youre genuine.

it matters.

its all that matters.

but if you do something.

you get it. eventually.

and you change.

but nothing changes.

so it doesnt really matter.

I DONT GET SHIT!!! lol. sad smiley.

as for turning normal. GOD DAMN that was boring.

just being angry and having no words to express it.

and no one giving a fuck about you.

and even if you do express your anger?

what will that give you?

as for me asking people "why did you say so-and-so?"

and they always answer the name "i did not say that"

i mean. its self-evident.

its like "i did not have sex with that woman miss lewinsky"

for real. so i did some test.

and. FOR REAL!!!!!!

they fucking asked me.

now. this is the creepy part.

they asked me.

if i see connections?

like. between things?

dude? what?

im not a fucking labrat.

im not a fucking gold hamster.

im not an amoeba.

im not a transistor.

im not fully automatic.

im not a robot.

i am not programmable.

i am not conditionable.

well. i dont feel like posting this to mr poetry site.

if i get suicidal again? great.

i know when it started. 2017? 2018? dunno.

since miss mom fucked her dad.

got fucking pregnant with him. gross dude.

thats just wrong.

she wanted to perpetuate that.

i mean. since i was like. what? 13? younger?

she used to come to my room.

sit on my bed. and fucking.. say my bed is comfy?

she did this constantly.

until like. last year? wtf?

uhm. no. i dont wanna fuck a robot?

there is really nothing good about you.

youre a joke.

youre a sicko.

youre a bad fucking joke.

just go drown yourself or something.

then youll "get wet".

because thats all that matters? right?

anyway. so miss moms been at my place for awhile.

and she opens a can of beer. drinks it.

after half is up. she says. you want some?

i cant handle a whole.

i mean. its like im in the fucking truman show.

it so pathetic.

and i tried it some.

using code words.

power words.

and....... its so fucking deficient.

hey. you know what?

i used to be truly majorly depressed.

i used those words.

i didnt notice it.

yep. i had anxiety 24/7.

then not much later i found fountain house.

well. they can go fuck emselves.

i liked the radio show.

they actually had ambitions.

why would i fucking want to cook food?

do i look like a housewife to you?

and write some stupid shit on a fucking whiteboard

that no one gives a fuck about?

its like grade school over again.

but worse. and the bullies fucking run the place.

and you dont get grades based on how good you are.

its on how corrupt you are. its just. jesus christ?

as for the psychiatric system. theyre alright.

they are fucked up beyond belief.

but how does it matter?

its not fun to be left alone.

to be chased by wolves.

or get abducted by aliens.

hey. maybe they did that. abducted me.

as a kid. it was close to the woods. like. uh. literally.

10 meters. except. aliens love desolate places.

fucking creepy. and. remember those 5g towers?

in botkyrka. right next to my fucking parents house.

they put up a fucking 5g tower.

DUDE? in the middle of fucking NOWHERE?

whos gonna fucking care about that?

the only way i can explain it.

is theres an underground base ther.

anyway. im getting weird light flashes.

im getting normal. im healing.

as for having a vocabulary.

barely beyond a dog or cat?

like. uh. 3 words? 5 words?

wtf? dude. stop fucking rotting your brains

with weed and beer and that shit.

all that you need is in your soul.

do you understand?

all that you need is in your soul.

when your soul is gone.

youre gone.

and that is that. you dont want to corrupt your soul.

well..... not like i havent done that ^__^

anyway. i realize why i creep out people now.

why they just go quiet.

im nice. then im a fucking freak.

so i found this guy.

he talked wisely on a subject.

tried another video. ok.

warning warning warning.

another video popped up. ok.

interesting but fucked up subject.

the dude had fucking dressed up as a clown.

hes fucking hilarous.

and he talks about the most fucked up shit.

well. thats me. enjoy? sad smiley.

anyway. i heard bella wonders how im doing.

well. she knows that. does she?

im alright. ok. i love you. etc.

happysad smiley.

youre the only one.

so. was to the mall. wow. had like.

REAL clothes on me. since my dress is disgusting.

and. yeah. an other one is drying now.

superawesome!

and people noticed me?

like. things were normal.

and i wasnt... pissed off.

if houses can be cursed.

why not... clothes too?

and i spent too much time there. like. literally.

less than 10 mins.

ok. things are manifesting in my room.

shit. this is creepy.

and some stupid cunt says "carrot top".

ok. great. never going back never going back

no more no more no more.

i dont really get it?

is it because my tits are better than yours?

i...... dont really get it.

whats your fucking problem?

id forgotten all about that.

robots have the most fun.

you do what youre told.

easy as pie.

then you sleep.

the most amazing dreams.

WOAH! ^_^

and today. in boring boring IRL.

was just a deja vu.

literally everything that happened.

every word. was a copy.

hey. if i wanted to view a shit movie again.

id. uh. do that? shit dialogue. shit action.

nothing happens. someone says nigger.

and like. wtf?

deja vu isnt youre on the right track.

it means youre stuck in a loop.

a downward spiral.

fuck you.

anyway. i manifested on 2 frequencies.

quite wild ones.

it made everything weird.

ok. things are creeping me out.

but ive had high voodoo priestessess telling me.

they can throw me across the room.

they never did shit. one cunt. like. pushed a table away some?

ooook?

and she said "crush him". WOAH. that curse i got out of.

in. uh. 5 secs. im impressed!

do that yourself. WE WILL CRUSH THEM LIKE BUGS.

anyway. my eyes are strong. and theyre useful.

if i try to be nice.

things morph. it gets harder.

dont do that.

but my path is already staken.

it doesnt matter.

is that amanda from dresden dolls?

god damn.

so damn happy i dont have to

fucking chase attention anymore?

fucking hated that.

but i tried it so hard.

and i never really got it.

well. one chick said

that i make her feel so evil?

gee. strong words.

well. was "evil" to her once. ENJOY.

(merkstave costs only 99% of your entire

karma in 1 second. quite a lot of shock.

dont worry. trauma isnt dangerous.

the worst thing that happens is you rebirth.

the best thing.. you dont wanna know ^_^)

your fucking misery and fucking

3 motherfucking fuckbuddys per day.

dude. wtf is your problem?

thats just wrong.

and youre no fucking muslim.

youre a whore. an asswhore.

a fagget. a buttboy.

a tomboy. a vegetarian if you wanna.

hop off your fucking fake religion.

you dont pray to god or allah or whatever.

you pray to baal and the prime evils.

you fake piece of shit.

the reason muslims are only to have sex.

to get pregnant.

is the female orgasm is the strongest force.

in the entire universe.

you shouldnt abuse it.

as for faggets? its wrong.

anal sex is like poop.

you literally spawn demons then.

well. dunno.

"evolution? still just a theory" ^_^

anyway. i creep people the fuck out.

explains things. woooooo ^_^

sad smiley.

im sure i shift eyeshape.

you know. snakeeyes?

cateyes. im fucking sure.

would explain things.

la di da. g night ^_^

(no subject)

oh. thought things. how does it matter.

the dress had dried.

put it on.

went to the mall.

found that latina.

who said she knew someone who would fit me.

but. like ive said. i am protected. from evil.

and from good.

bella was ok? but the story ends with no sequel. nothing happens after 2.

as for my dad? he was from another world. now i understand it. i understand him.

how does that help me?

anyway. normies. the junkies. the whores and the fuckboys.

theyll have no problems in the afterlife.

fuck. theyve met god in person. fucked satan himself.

they know that shit. theyll be fine.

no matter what happens. as for me? nope.

as for mister dad. i figured it wasnt his fault.

it was just a sign of the times. so i forgave him.

in like.. 1 minute. i dont forgive myself.

thats why im jesus. reborn. i am cyberchrist?

so. miss latina. no idea what she said.

i dont talk with people. i talk to them.

hey. i met someone like that.

her parents were upperclass.

anyway. how does it matter.

oh. met a proper trans. he she it allalalal

whatever. she was neat. she was real british.

anyway. people are amazing.

so. i am free from pain and suffering?

oh. the boss would come here today.

they always do it at the most misopportune moment.

but its not they. theyre a reflection of me.

theyre just better at hiding their intentions.

oh. forgot to buy snus. thats great.

so. i dont see angels.

and i dont see the demons that attack me.

sometimes. it makes you wonder.

how the world works?

if it works at all?

ive been in a world.

with no seasons.

no wind.

no time.

no night.

so. yeah.

its all a hoax.

and. uh.

what are we supposed to do about it?

i tried to break free from the psychiatric system.

but it wasnt that. they play you like a piano.

and bella mentioned it was like that as well.

she couldnt play them. or she could.

she just presented a character to me. a lie.

how does it matter? so. people dont like

me mentioning them. well. i made a song about

that. tons of reverb. i find it pretty.

but i dunno. oh. lets listen to it

and watch while i wreck the entire world!!! ^_^

my new artist name is.

well.

its.

va.

or just ?

or va?

i find it so clever.

like. if someone actually listens.

oh yeah. a couple of stalkers. just a couple.

and you cant make something for people to figure out.

since theyve figure you out.

like. i could delete all music.

and just leave 1.

va.mp3

my contribution to the world.

i tried to make it extratone style.

but couldnt figure it out.

so. it sounds.. like a typewriter? lol.

pathetic.

anyway. my style isnt krautrock.

its artrock. its an older style.

well. not like i know anything.

maybe you could say concept art.

just that. so. elektroniskt i p2.

how all my music started. sort of?

music geeks. upper class. theyre not

like other musicians. they have read a lot.

studied a lot. they see things differently.

so. they interviewed someone about their technique.

and the guy said. he sampled a cooking kettle.

it was high pitched and detailed and random.

with a dirty expensive microphone.

then he blended it with some other sound.

and it was for a museum or art gallery.

it was supposed to be. uh. an hour? maybe.

basically. things happen.

so he had a 22 min sample?

and some other thing.

so he just used pitch shifting or whatever.

so it would be exactly 1 hour.

and the song was done. and it was that.

not years tugging away in the studio.

anyway. as for miss latina. im naive.

i should just leave it be.

"the aim of rock n roll isnt survival."

oh. great. mister boss was here.

shooed him away. this will be fun! ^_^

not that it matters. you cant change people.

i am going to hell. again. and its my own fault.

it doesnt matter. 70000 muslim girls have committed

suicide in sweden. ya see. they see freedom.

but theyre not allowed to. jump from the balcony.

hey. that sounds familiar? lol. anyway. im fucked up.

im a clown. no wonder people cant stand me.

oh. lovely. no snus.

as for the psychiatric system.

they dont have any emotions.

you can say no. it isnt pretty.

hey. dont have despair anymore.

but they can give it to ya in a second.

and if you agree with them?

get tricked by them?

you think they have your best interest in mind.

then you realilze. yeah. they played you.

they stabbed you in the back.

and you thanked them.

you helped them along.

and you begin stabbing people.

because its the only thing you know.

as for freedom? no. do npcs in mmorpgs have freedom?

lol. freedom to be slaughtered for their loot?

hey. sounds like cattle huh? weird.

stories repeat. in different colours.

like fractals.

as for mister boss. he said

"i understand you"

well. i do too? you know?

you pathetic fucking fraud.

they cant play me anymore.

the greys are over.

they greys are raped.

they greys are done.

actually. the greys are like our ai.

the greens got lazy.

so they engineered a slave race.

uhm. they sucked at engineering.

the greys had a world party.

all over the universe.

theyre not the nicest people.

but they got punished.

and. on earth.

theyre trying to do good.

its a weird philosophy.

but it is good.

uhm. not? lol.

am i a grey?

or a green?

or a red?

or a blue?

or a.. jesus christ.

a black?

anyway. as for rappers demonising things.

the government. of course they do.

they want anarchy. they want to take over

afterwards. like in the cute fucking latin america.

you know what? columbus was right. he was a good man.

and real latinos know it. a president is just a reflection

of the people. there are no psyops. there is a world. and it

is here. and that is all. as for yugoslavia? i dunno. i dont

know anything. if you want something to happen. it will manifest.

doesnt mean its true or that youre right about anything. fuck. wheres

my fucking snus? geez. "i cant breath". strange that thing is in a rihanna

video before it happened. couldnt be a psyop, right? just some guy dying

and some guy filming it. why did the filmer not stop it? why did the cops

not stop the guy filming? simple. it was a fraud. theyd done it before.

mind control. and voodoo people. well. theyre good at that. thats why theyre lazy.

the world is theirs. and they still manage to fuck everything up.

i read about that. burning witches was good. later.

witches would go up in court. they always lost.

ya see. the witch lived the life of her dreams.

but she did it too much.

so she goes to her neighbours houses.

and begs. and they know what shes about.

that shes a fraud. a crackwhore.

then she puts a curse on them.

thats not enough though. they still dont

give a fuck about her. so she takes them

to court for bad treatings. except. the

courts arent corrupt. so the witches lost

the court battles too. k. brb.

(no subject)

so. cliches. arent they great?

like. some shit poem or whatever.

"you broke my spirits". dude.

thats impossible.

the truth still holds.

your soul never changes state.

i used to know things before.

then i moved back to stockholm.

oh. my. god. so. im almost at my parents place.

i mean. i tried to run away. several times.

you could say i killed my dad. lol.

those stalkers are amateurs.

anyway. i take a seat wherever.

actually. i remember some details.

its in the middle of the carriage.

you know. how on old ones, you had

to open a gateway to get further?

anyway. i sit facing the opposite direction

of the train. theres 4 seats.

i sit on the back to the left.

either i sat there first.

or the woman. shes on the forward right.

doesnt matter. im tired. i dont care.

except, i check her out for whatever reason.

she licks her lips. like. literally.

with her tongue. that never happened again.

something else happened instead.

i got the stockholm syndrome.

its not something you should strive for.

on any level.

anyway. i did get afflicted with it in 2006?

2007? but then i figured like. nah. this is

fucked up? except, the neuroleptics had their

way with me. miss mom said. after we had argued.

for years. and years. and years. anyway. shes old.

shes been through worse things than me? it depends.

everything is relative. your parents story reflects

in yours. be careful who you demonize. who you idolize.

if you do it for real? great. if you dont. well. you

dont want their spirit. if theyre something you want to be?

great. if not. dont do it. dont do it.

those stalkers are amateurs.

the brotherhood? suck my cock.

yeah. my "huge almost gigantic" cock.

you dont think ive gone through pain?

hey. where is the original sin?

why do you hate redheads and blondes?

why did you enslave them before?

oh. thats right. theyre the easiest to control.

they believe in peace love happiness.

so. theres some things you dont wanna know.

like. on bitchute. some dude is mad at somethings

thats happening in the world. now. death threats

against the khazars are commonplace there.

so. this dude says "i hope he gets the north american

treatment. they used to filet their enemies.

the adrenaline made them stay alive". uh huh.

them cute genocided indians arent so cute anymore huh?

and. besides. you die when youve done what you should.

i didnt get 8 years for arson. i got 10 years to live.

a free life. which wasnt that. never been that.

hey. it was alright before miss exes.

but i always talk the same. as for the one before her.

my "relationship". my first one. it seems you have to fuck

whoever youre with. its this big thing. "bonding" or whatever.

so. shes running around and around and around her apartment.

well. it was my fault. ya see. i made some joke we should hit town again.

i dress up as a girl she dresses up as a guy.

uhm. bad idea. at least its like this in my world.

they say sweden is so securalized. well. its not.

everyone needs something to believe in.

so. for awhile. everyone was posting pretty food photos.

except, normal people dont have time for that.

it was like. i dunno why they make stats on it.

a normie in sweden spends 7 minutes per day cooking food.

uhm. WHAT? lol. then miss tall dark and handsome comments that.

she says its "pretto". whatever the fuck that means.

(and then. the trend stopped. i dunno if it was her

or me or both of us. it just stopped. like that.)

urban dictionary and slangopedia. woah. so much fun.

as for miss exes. i couldnt learn her language.

and she was surprised i knew hers.

i mean. my dad talked it. knifesouth.

it wasnt a foreign one. just compressed.

and really. you know exactly what theyre saying.

its about death or sex or taunting or lying or control.

people dont search the truth. or they do. they know everything.

and dont tell it. well. one guy did. he was an open illuminati.

like........ you think people are a certain way. then you meet someone.

and everything gets turned upside down. i asked what drugs he liked taking?

no. he didnt take any. he didnt do their rituals. he was in a spiritual war

against satan and witches. he was afraid of no one. but like always.

the relationship ended before it began. its like that. i dunno if its always

been that. i guess it is. im on the highest frequency. i was a choleric.

as they say. if you go through pain. you get smarter. you have to. to survive.

and pain and wisdom is the same thing. except wisdom isnt happiness.

or maybe it is. the more you understand things. the less pain and suffering you have.

because you know theyre an illusion. then you realize happiness is an illusion too.

theres a definition for this. i dont remember it. and i shouldnt.

i shouldnt pretend someone im not. appropriation is real.

as for people acting weak? its a fraud. but he mentioned that.

and he who came before. thanatomania erotomania.

the internet used to be this place for knowledge.

like. the middle of the 90s. you searched and you found.

then the internet turned into tv. mainstream media.

so. theres even ipv6. its a LOT of numbers.

the guy who created mr poetry site uses it.

i was paranoid. you know? like the private investigator

i pretend i am. that im the judge jury and executioner?

so. 4 women have wanted to marry me. it wasnt the other way around.

it didnt happen. and it wasnt supposed to happen.

they show you their ultimate truth.

and they ask you. do you accept me for who i am?

so. i know a lot of cannibals now. great to brag about that huh?

i mean. THAT surely doesnt creep out people? lol.

so. the 5th dimension is interesting. i dont like numbers though.

women dont seem to. but they do. like. i heard some extreme alcoholic.

she wasnt that. just a guy trapped in a womans body.

so shes talking. like "i took 10 beers. and 20 shots. and"

i dunno. i dont know that world. i didnt know then if she meant

shes taken that ever or on one night?

and the most important thing are TAXIS.

and SOMETIMES TAXIS ARENT SAFE EITHER!!!!!!!!

uhm. youre in the middle of nowhere.

youre so drunk you can barely stand or talk or think.

what did you think was supposed to happen?

take control of your life.

if you want to forget.

uh. why?

theres good and bad in everything.

theres no easy solution.

theres no shortcuts.

so. alcohol is praised.

as the universal solution to everything.

i mean. your life sucks.

you drink. its good again.

you work to get drunk to work to get drunk.

youre not free half of the day.

then youre free half of the day.

simple. right?

gypsys are the same.

its like gyspy rose frequency.

cant pretend i know anything about it.

so i was making up that i was married.

and she says "i.... dont know what you are".

ow. gypsys spend half the day begging.

and half the day having fun.

the world is their oyster.

everywhere they lay their hat is their home.

theres a reason the khazars keep

getting kicked out of countries.

its quite confusing. to sort everything out.

so something is a lie. and the truth there is a lie.

and then you get 3 lies and 1 truth.

and only 1 of them is a truth.

and. omg! lol.

so. subspace. fun fun fun.

manifestation is real there.

on such a high level its silly.

magic? you just have no idea.

so a guy says powerwords.

hes like "clone". looks at me.

now theres 2 of me? uh. fun.

great. when i just got in there.

i realized. life is like a maze.

so. i buy some shampoo. he steals it.

uses the whole fucking thing.

i mean. he looked disgusting.

afterwards. better than getting drunk!

literally. he looked 30 years younger.

we only really talked for real once.

and he disappeared then.

he got back eventually.

he says. one word only.

maze.

labyrinth.

theres some hiphop group or whatever.

called that now. i dunno if they manifested

the same time he said it or i thought it.

it doesnt matter. science is just numbers.

theyre an approximation of the ultimate reality.

but if reality is a lie? how does it matter?

and if you measure somethings state.

and it just doesnt make sense?

what the fuck are you gonna do?

OH. LETS MAKE A PARTICLE ACCELERATOR

THATS BIGGER THAN 2 FUCKING COUNTRIES!!!!

yeah. thats a good idea. not.

and. anyway. no point in ranting about things.

when you control everything. or is that a lie?

i am cyberchrist? tracey. you mean a lot.

you have meant a lot. the less you say.

the more you say. its simple.

an atom where he exists could shatter all existance.

i used to find these interesting websites.

in the 90s. i came up with some interesting theory.

and there it was. deep thinking.

beyond artificial intelligence.

so what if we have cameras

which can pinpoint everyone

in an entire city?

god knows all.

anyway. i broke miss exes heart.

not that it mattered.

was so fucking tired of her.

and it all makes sense.

we started talking.

when her mom added 2 of

her accounts on facebook.

it makes sense.

theres 2 of her.

fuck no. theres a lot.

its called the brotherhood for a reason.

theyre all the same. like christians.

like romans. like. it doesnt matter.

so. lesse. frequency vibrancy.

no. im pathetic. i cant even remember 3 words correctly.

frequency i get.

the more you evolve. the frequency increases.

it gets better. mom once said.

no. it gets better and worse.

its at the very core of the universe.

but theres something greater than paradoxes.

mind and matter is the same thing.

theres 3 major religions in the world.

judaism christianity islam.

i mean. it sounds weird.

theres not a lot of jews.

it doesnt make sense.

theres palestinians.

theyre the original.

except. theres almost no palestine left. lol.

then theres the khazars.

its all a big mess really.

half of them are in america

half in isreal.

like. 6 mil. 8 mil.

thats it.

like redheads and blondes.

redheads. 2% of the worlds population.

same for blondes.

theres no white man.

theres no white privilege.

and mind and matter isnt the same.

before the big bang.

the universe was pure energy.

it didnt evolve.

it was perfect.

i dunno what it was like.

maybe thats eden.

theres pure energy beings.

they dont evolve.

its their mission.

to guide people.

to help them.

theres a devil on your right.

and an angel on your left.

or. well.

spirtual guides and guardian angels.

thats it.

except. theres negative and positive polarity.

thats why oxes and scorpios just dont work.

yes, theyre opposites. except. theyre not.

theyre the same. theyre 2 sides of the same coin.

like the wise madman. goes hand in hand.

you can pretend youre something youre not.

that youre a being of pure light.

that you do things for the better.

its impossible.

roots and wings.

no such thing as bad music.

no such thing as discord.

everyone has a fan of their style.

they might not be like others want to.

but how the fuck does that matter?

some people get married.

and take out a divorce the next day.

it could be fraudulent.

or it might not be.

so. the japanese leader was assassinated.

or was he? he was killed so he would be in safety.

did he sell out to the greens? or is it beyond that?

paradoxes within paradoxes.

so. i tried to get high without getting high.

its the theory of adrenochrome.

you steal others energy.

but you dont need to.

energy is infinite.

matter is spirit.

and thats all there is to it.

so. miss paradox.

wrote this huge thing to me.

while high. in my style.

then she emails me the next day.

"did my message get through? lol"

i dont know what

"1000 thoughts

in your head

at the same time"

is like.

hasch and beer was fucking boring.

you cant really ask people anything.

just as simple as. what time is it?

you always get different answers. omg!

you know when people lie. its simple.

you ask someone "you did that"

they always answer the same

"i did not do that".

like theres some universal concept of guilt.

and if you dont manifest it. it doesnt exist.

"im sorry if i exist".

so youd implode if your truth got out?

that you hade made 1 mistake ever?

that youve ever ever lied?

if i am walking with two other men.

each of them will serve as my teacher.

i will pick out the good points of the first.

and imitate them.

and the bad points of the second.

and remove them in myself.

so. it sounds like i get all my information

from a wiki. easy to digest.

compliments turn to insults

turn to compliments turn to insults.

what is there to grasp?

what is the difference from truth and lies?

the greys are awesome.

its simple.

it doesnt matter what you do.

it all has the same end result.

so. there was some chick.

she was untreatable.

a fucking chaos engine.

where is the original sin?

respect your elders.

you dont talk of incest?

oh. fuck if id know. lol.

then. someone took her to a farm.

she found home. you see. animals dont judge you.

because they dont have a society.

and they dont get drunk on the weekend.

they dont put up a show.

they cant. because theyre natural.

theyre apart of nature.

well. everything is relative. lol.

so. scorpios and oxes.

its simple. theyre both negative polarity.

theres no magic.

so. i make another book for miss mom.

super extra plus. it was fucking A3 size.

crazy shit. each book costed like 1000 sek each.

100$. i dunno if thats a lot. i guess it is.

i tell her. she comes over.

she looks at it.

and says.

its a masterpiece.

so? i knew that.

tell me something i dont know.

negative polarity magnets.

they get close.

they might think something is going on.

but they could just be in different worlds.

theyre the same. eventhough theyre not.

so on adjacent signs.

theyre the real deal.

for oxes.

its aries and gemini.

for scorpios.

its libra and sagitarius.

my bestie was an aries.

mom always shit talked them.

for good reason. i dunno.

miss ex. 2 in her family.

they were aries.

well. nothing wrong with them.

my bestie was ok.

i mean. he was everything.

i dont remember us ever really talking.

there was no tension between us.

no magic. no sex. nothing like that.

then i lost him. and something happened.

like. the concept of "friendship" just disappeared.

i killed it. so. buck 65 interview.

he talks about how his wife left him.

and he was talking to his friends afterwards.

all his friends are women.

some other guy. a leo.

he hated the very concept of a woman.

he had a lot of sisters. it makes sense.

everyone is born bisexual.

if someone treats you badly.

from the male gender.

youre attracted to females.

if both treat you bad.

well. tough luck.

youre not attracted to anything.

inheritance and environment.

theres really nothing special about me.

but thats the thing.

so. people these days.

they have no aspirations.

what they dream of?

they dont wanna be somebody.

no gods. no nothing.

they want, to be...... rich.

thats it. its easy.

you play poker or buy a ticket.

and you can get instarich.

your dreams come true.

if youre just lucky.

if you play the system.

if youre just drunk enough.

everything works out perfectly.

so. my dad liked betting on horses.

one of his brothers were worse.

he said that if he won big.

hed just play more.

he never really did anything.

corona killed him.

or. i dunno. i killed him?

no. i really have no idea.

im not clairevoyant.

i cant read peoples minds.

i have theories. thats all.

im not a scientist. im not on that level.

because they dont believe in paradoxes.

omg! status update! exciting!!!!!

so. was some huge fire alarm.

this dude ive never talked to.

never heard him talk.

dont know what hes about.

whats the point of talking?

to "prove" that you are anything?

for example.

higher classes grade school.

i use jeans for the first time.

great. couldnt figure out nor care

how to use a belt. i sit with my geek trio.

im happy for once? weird. warning warning.

not allowed. so. mapei laughs

at my buttcrack showing. fun.

didnt get anything then.

dont get anything now.

and says

"dude you think youre special?"

i laugh and say "i know im not".

after that. maybe? she wasnt mean anymore.

oh. thought things. didnt write them.

i dunno how it matters.

what if everything that happens has already happened?

what if god has a plan for you?

what if that plan is sinister?

what if you are god?

and you write it down without knowing?

.............lol. whatever ^_^

Someone Special
Artist: Hardcore Superstar
Album: It's Only Rock 'n' Roll
Released: 1998

so. maybe it was in 1998? and the song got released the very second she said it?

or because of how i replied?

i realized last year.

that everything my sis has listened to.

has left a trail.

if i listen to it.

i get apart of her world.

its strongest with dua lipa.

the one who introduced me to her.

said i was.

the only one.

she never said she loved me.

well. she did. when she was pregnant.

we have never done it.

which is logical.

there was julia and bella.

except...... i dont think of julia?

its like. some people just disappear.

from your mind. now. most people have

this thing called "discipline".

so. id eaten from the biscquit jar.

or a bag of potatoe chips.

i mean. it was so easy. to be spoiled.

you do things. your parents dont do anything back.

you continue doing it. so i asked why?

"i thought someday youd realize it yourself".

ouch. i sound like an 18 year old?

like. once or twice. in runescape.

id meet some dude.

he was like "yeah i was dumb before".

and i honestly thought they were like retirement age?

or beyond?

nope. they were in their 20s.

"some people are just built differently"

they were smart. disciplined.

they lived the college life.

sex and drugs and rock and roll.

geeks dont get that.

they get xvids and light in a dark room and mp3 piracy.

wow. something to strive for.

like i said.

DONT FUCKING MESS WITH THE TRENCHCOAT MAFIA.

omg. sad smiley.

except. i was ranting about school.

never really done that.

havent been able to think about it.

the pain was just out of this world.

and some dude says i sound like a school shooter?

ok. makes sense. except columbine was an mk ultra psyop.

geeks dont shoot down schools.

theyre not dumb.

they have root access to the ultimate reality.

if they want to bring you judgement.

theyll do that. you wont have a clue though.

like they say.

microsoft invented viruses.

then they make antiviruses.

it all makes sense.

so. kevin mitnick is now free.

hes gotten his repentence.

and besides. mk ultra scientist are smart.

theyre geeks too. like you wouldnt believe.

so. i heard this talk. from high up government official.

about space. it sounded amazing. for the first time.

powerful people know things.

they wont let you know that you know it though.

biden isnt dumb. he just plays it.

so. some dude goes up to him.

and says hell lose his next election.

no one wants to vote for him anymore.

he gets pissed off. hes in complete control

of his body. he says in a calm but clearly

angered voice "97% of all democrats want to vote for me".

now. you could wonder how this could be possible?

if someone can get close to a president.

they could kill him?

its quite confusing.

so JFK wanted to make a silver dollar.

not just the gold standard.

thats why he was offed.

but he was a mason. obviously.

he talked a lot of shit.

so. who is good. who is bad?

what is truth? what are lies?

is shallowness depth?

is depth shallowness?

hmm. brain decay. fun.

i cant tell the difference

between is and are anymore.

it just doesnt work.

so. music is nice.

theres a lot out there.

well produced.

well made.

an average album takes 3 whole year to make.

there lyrics writers theres composers

theres musicians theres audio technicians

theres drum technicians theres the outer image

theres a whole fucking orchestra.

and theres so much of it.

you rant that they buy your dreams and steal your soul.

or that women buy your dreams and steal your soul.

or that. on any level.

theyre projecting.

theyre hiding something.

theyre the unseen.

the puppet masters.

god isnt a woman.

god isnt a man.

god is a thought.

thats all.

but god isnt a thought.

god isnt a thought at all.

god is nothing.

god is nothingness.

at the beginning.

there was nothing.

at the end.

there will be nothing.

everything disappeared.

so they say.

the unseen take something unseen.

and make it ugly.

they take the essense.

but not the soul.

because you cant figure out the soul.

and soul is just matter is energy

and its really nothing and it doesnt really matter.

it was nice to finally meet a taurus.

its over. which is how things work.

at least for me.

sara. miss sis.

i like proper names a lot.

i like words. theyre pretty.

i only know english and swedish.

so cant say that im good at language.

i tried to impress. its what i do.

so this latina says she knows 6 languages.

its one of the first things she says

when we meet. so.

i can see some italian

characterists on her.

so i just try to say as quickly as possible.

italian spanish portugese english swedish

and one indigenous.

she was impressed. or was she?

i cant read minds.

i dont know what people say to other people.

i am desperate. i am lonely.

so. this joga teacher. obvioously i have no chance on her.

her dude is a yoga teacher also. or something.

i mean. i didnt get it.

and i got into a relationship. finally.

long term.

except, id fucked up some other peoples relationships.

as they say. what goes around comes around.

no one can really get to you when youre happy.

it doesnt work like that.

they bide their time.

do the hit at the exact perfect moment.

revenge is a dish best served cold.

is there subversiveness in this? fuck yeah.

things dont happen over time with me.

i am hyperlaxative. i know.

its a laughable word.

the prime psychiatrist in stockholm said that.

i mean. i was mad at him.

then we had this boss.

i was mad. at things.

so i wrote. a lot.

what was wrong with the psychiatric system.

great for me. i ruined her.

except, she didnt exactly look happy to begin with.

like. most latinas just look so sad.

like they have the world on their shoulders.

and their guys. act like they own the world.

well. thats just a reflection of myself.

im sad. i think i own the world.

infinite sadness infinite darkness infinite loneliness.

theres a concept of world parties.

the planeswalkers. they walk around the world.

they learn things. they affect people.

they cant stand around too long.

either the place goes to ashes.

or they do.

so they walk. and walk. and walk.

it only takes 260 days to make 1 course around the equator.

hey. maybe i shouldnt just rant here.

and make photoshops and music about it.

uhm. why? who could ever give a fuck?

so. its original? im impressive?

to who? ive already proven everything.

before grandma died.

she said, in her normal mocking tone.

that i was a better artist than miss mom.

then i annoyed miss mom. a lot. a whole lot.

i mean. im dumb. im a guy. im a dog.

im a loner. girls just wanna have fun?

but if you never have fun?

if youre desensitized?

whatcha gonna do?

you exagerate.

it got scary in runescape.

some people only do 1 of 2 things there.

they make money.

or they kill people.

i mean. its a fucked up world.

you go the maxing experience and levels route.

and you need goldpoints for that.

or you just buy everything.

items xp levels. everything.

easy.

its not geeks. that is. dudes. engineers.

which like computers anymore.

loners.

its normal people.

normal people have jobs.

normal people have a house.

they dont live in their moms basement.

they do things.

they achieve things.

they improve the world.

they get money. legitimately.

they pay their taxes.

theyre boring. theyre shallow.

except. their life has actual meaning.

they work a job they hate.

they get drunk.

on fridays holidays.

they get drunk to celebrate.

they get drunk when they get home.

and watch tv for 5 hours per day

with 40% commercials every 14 mins.

14 mins content 7 mins advertisments.

the tv is their lover.

their world.

their companion.

their. whatever.

i have concentration now.

there used to be a time i was normal.

fit. actually. it was 2 times.

strangely enough. i ignored my parents then.

or my mom. thinking back.

i spent less than a year in university

somewhere else in the country.

and i got skinny.

this doesnt make sense.

i only took a walk for 1 hour per day.

i walked a lot more later.

except. small town. small municipality.

small. landscape. whatever you call it.

there was this huge hospital. yep.

and there were 2 supermarkets.

both were from the same company.

i used to call my dad. a lot.

he once said i had 2 mothers.

he was dumb when he was young.

but thats the point.

you cant be both smart and stupid.

normies arent like that.

theyre stupid then they realize things.

they get discipline. they get.

the countess is so amazing.

i used to write some poems about her.

i cant really find any of them.

dont recall any.

dont think i read any of them on the radio.

i dont get the concept of "forgetfullness".

people do that. they get into a relationship.

they save their hate for last.

as a defence.

and when they break up with their "narcissistic ex".

they project their insecurities towards them.

simple. then they dont mention them anymore.

theyre gone. literally. they turn off that part

of their brain which has memories about them.

uhm........ how can you turn into a better person

then? if all you wanna do is not get lonely?

to get laid? so. a soyboy definition said.

that soyboys are desperate. they seek love

everywhere and they wont find it.

because they dont know what love is.

love is not sex.

so. mister serial killer.

i remember his name now.

it doesnt matter.

so. art. history. myths. legends.

tell stories about the past.

present. future. another world.

they do this. to teach us something.

but its not the ultimate desire

of the creator to improve the world.

its beyond that. they have this burning desire.

passion. some christian dude

said the heart is in the middle of the chest.

he wanted to see a sunday mass on tv.

i hated him then. or everything else.

so i tried to annoy him with some song.

now. hes a rockabilly dude.

hes a knifesouth dude.

hes calm. and kindhearted.

like me? lol. watch out for those! omg.

i figured he was bullied in school.

by both teachers and normies.

well. dunno. could ask him that.

to impress. to get on his level.

so he wont do subversive things.

like call someone he knows.

its quite a lot.

knifesouth is big.

rockabilly culture is bigger.

it was the start of rock n roll.

quite old religion.

like my dad. he knows everyone.

everything.

and like pussys. he plays weak.

its easy. its called drunken boxing.

like biden does.

like bush the second does?

i mean. hes a fucking genius.

they put him on tv recently.

and like. WHY?????????????!?!?!?!?!?!!

so he says theres mean people who want

to ruin this country called...... iraq?????

he smiles. excuses himself.

and says. "i mean. obviously. ukraine".

you could wonder why things happen.

so. mr rockabilly.

you walk past him. or hear him from a distance.

hes talking to a cop. or a friend.

or whatever. you get nothing of what he says.

he talks in normal tone. quite slow.

about normal things.

and you know somethings going on.

and its not funny.

lesson of the day:

dont kill angels.

dont make angels.

kill demons?

then you become a demon.

cant have it any way. sad smiley.

revenge is a dish best served cold.

you set up shop in another country.

you pay protection fees.

theres karmic debt.

you do good things.

it increases.

you do bad things.

it decreases.

i got my down to 10000.

i had made a poem about that.

10000. i made it into a song.

its still up there.

im not saying you should listen to it.

or even acknowledge my existance.

what is appretiation?

have i gotten what i was looking for?

how do you know what youre looking for?

is your horizon a little slanted?

does it go down? or up?

or is it, just....... horizontal?

forever?

how could the sky be the limit?

if we dont know when the universe ends?

vill du byta

so. no places left. for muppets like me.

no. theres one. in my muncipality.

they paved heaven and put up a parkin lot.

or a mosque. no syrian orthodox church.

oh. now its turning weird again. lol ^_^

im fucked up. i finally realized it.

so. the fire alarm. great. everyone together.

like a party. ive been on a dance floor once.

didnt drink any date rape chemical.

i tried to pretend i know anything.

so i sit in lotus style.

with my arms out.

and i do that for awhile.

i close my eyes

AND TOTALLY GET ONE WITH THE EARTH

AND MAKE EVERYTHING GOOD AND FLOAT OUT

INTO THE COSMOS.......... not.

some crazy mexican comes up.

puts his finger through one my clasped hands.

thats it though.

i take a piss. go home.

and nothing happens.

you have to realize something.

about getting drunk.

you cant take the good without the bad.

if you increase your frequency you also decrease it.

god. i sound like such a creep.

you dont. youre a normie.

youre a nothing.

theres nothing special about being an artist.

theyre just stuck up pricks.

vain assholes.

think they "are" something.

theyre hasbeens.

they were something.

now theyre nothing.

nobody cares.

they make one good song.

put it on an album.

sign the contract.

get fame fortune fanny.

and they tour 300 days per year.

and they have all these people

doing everything for them.

they are supposed to make 5 albums in 10 years.

they make 3 in 7. and burn out.

etc. who cares.

i dont know anything.

i havent really talked to musicians ever.

theyre not like you think.

they dont "teach" you how to write.

how to play the guitar.

they start playing their guitar.

the dont say anything.

and you sing something.

thats how music is created.

its not inspiration.

it is creation.

from creation stems destruction.

creation is destruction is creation is destruction is.

theres no point to it.

i got what i wanted? great? now what?

"i dunno. get married?"

is anyone truly happy?

you dont see them sad.

you dont want to see someone sad.

you dont want to be an influencer.

i dont get how they do it.

you get fans. and detractors.

except some of them change sides.

so. was in twitter. bad mistake.

i thought i deserved someone.

to not be alone.

i thought when bella and i got together.

thered be world peace and.

i checked the news.

it was the same ole shit.

i was exstatic before.

its weird.

i have no idea how i acted.

or how anyone could handle me.

which they couldnt.

they thought i was a free pirated

comedy series.

you watch it. you throw it away.

and thats it. well. i am?

i am a product of the american dream.

because sweden was a nightmare.

but everyone is the same.

everywhere is the same.

stockholm doesnt interest me.

it looks the same wherever you go.

concrete. asphalt.

and thats it.

i tried to make a better world.

pretty colours.

so what?

then i tried to find that better world.

i guess it works for some.

but. people have treated me badly.

so. if i take drugs.

i am. as they say. myself.

i dont like being myself.

being a guy.

guys are angry.

guys are disciplined.

guys die for what they love.

they arent supposed to survive.

they arent supposed to proliferate.

guys are trailblazers.

prophets. kings. legends. pioneers.

so i tried all these things.

professions. personalities.

women arent vain. nor shallow.

if you change your looks

you change your world.

its simple.

if you dress like a cow

you become a cow.

the theory of manifestation.

making up words isnt a good idea.

because words already exist.

and since i dont know anything.

talking about something i dont know.

is a really bad idea.

so i got the urge to see american history x.

great. a guy kills some other guys.

you know. an eye for an eye?

he talks shit. for a year.

nobody cares.

hes the king. hes on top of the world.

except. an amateur thinks hes a god.

a professional thinks hes ok.

thinks dont really exist.

there isnt data. its not 0s and 1s.

and its not fixed.

this seems strange.

you write something.

you photo something

photorealistically automatically. a snapshot.

anyone can be an artist!

heres 10 tips how to be creative!

first tip. heres all these rules

on what youre not allowed to do!

create!

uh. no. if you want to manifest your world?

i dunno why?

then you do that.

the only rules are. there are no rules.

you cant cheat the system.

and sometimes you can only use a computer

30 mins a day. uhm. not a lot of fun.

is it possible to make the world better?

i....... dont think so.

does that make me special?

because im a nihilist?

bad things happen then good things turn out of them.

why not just be a ranting fool and youll improve things?

doesnt matter what you do. be as stupid as possible.

it all turns out good in the end!!!!!!!!!

so. the fire alarm.

it was for real this time.

im not unhappy anymore.

i am not cyberchrist.

im not an artist.

im just a ranting fool.

the last man on earth.

but i dont live on earth.

i dont live anywhere.

i dont even live nowhere.

the space inbetween.

so. i used to exhagerate.

sometimes i manage that.

i use things. i use people.

to get what i want.

but i never get it.

i never get it.

i never get it.

so. i started writing this.

after awhile i feel like im such a fucking genious.

that doesnt work on stage.

youre good. make an impression.

or you get bood off stage.

so. theres 2 paralel stories about microsoft and apple.

it was 3 geeks in some of their parents garage.

bill gates was poor. he was a loser.

geek. no one wanted him.

steve jobs had it all. plain boring shallow jock.

then there was some guy called steve wozniak.

have no idea what he had to do with it.

the birth of the modern personal computer.

so. apple has this image of.

they have an image. thats it.

nobody gave a fuck.

they paid people to make it seem

like their computers were good for anything?

nope. they paid adobe to slow down the pc

version of photoshop.

apple products are 2x expensive and 2x worse.

meaning. 4x expensive. or 4x worse.

then. hallelujah. end of the 90s.

hypercommercialism was invented.

girls and grandparents liked computers.

ive seen this happen.

to even play a fucking computer game.

you needed engineering talent.

640kb should be enough for anyone?

hey, what about 70kbaud too?

ms dos. command prompt.

and linux is still stuck in the 80s?

lol. pathetic.

DO. NOT. FUCK. WTIH. THE. TRENCHCOAT. MAFIA.

so. tried to be modern.

it had escaped me.

i wanted a neat haircut.

to stand out. whatever.

most dont dare to get it.

i saw it in.. 2007?

one some guy.

you shave the left right and back.

the rest is as long as possible.

it has many names.

punk. cyberpunk. crustpunk.

metalpunkcrossover.

malefemale.

i saw it in the 90s.

some neat finnish dude.

wow. now ive written too long.

and that christian dudes words.

"do you get all your information

from wikipedia"?

so. i wrote these poems.

for someone i wrote a lot.

great for me.

i used all these great big words

that i have no idea what they mean.

i strung them together.

and that was it.

i get why guys have a distaste for me.

its logical.

they meet my type all the time.

theyre raving drunk lunatics.

they think they own the world.

and what they say is so special.

and if they just annoy enough people.

someone will actually believe the lie?

except. it wont last.

because theres nothing to them.

they cant achieve anything.

they dont change anything.

no one cares what theyre really about.

because there isnt any.

i dont get things.

in middle upper gradeschool.

we got an assignement to write about our best friend.

now. im real real dumb.

so i thought best friend.

meant a friend. who was best. at being a friend.

you know. rock star? original? cool? interesting?

impressive? has lots of stuff? says lots of deep things?

looks good? has lots of friends?

well. ive become him.

cant really blame him.

but maybe it was my sisters dream.

what is the original sin?

i cant manifest.

i cant make something its not.

i cant have emotions.

because guys arent supposed to have them.

i cant say anything.

because guys dont do that.

i cant use anything but boring colours.

because guys are supposed to be camoflougad.

i cant stand out.

because whoever stands out gets removed.

i cant say deep shit.

because thats what you get when youre drunk.

and you learn things.

you dont say that youre smart.

you are smart. thats it.

if you are something. do it.

i cant not escape what ive done.

is it great that ive written this?

that i wrote a lot shit?

everyone knows this.

everyone knows this.

artists bring it up into the open.

and ruin it. ruin its soul.

and theres no salvation.

i cant have a fucking job.

because i ruined my body

playing stupid fucking computer games.

so they can feel special

well. guess what? everyone is special.

thats what makes them special.

that they are themselves.

anyway. gangsters dont punish you.

they teach you things.

they have patience.

oh god.

they dont talk about disgusting things.

like death and sex.

i do that now.

and. im just pathetic.

no one could handle me before.

and now im fucking atrocious.

they dont talk about amazing or beautiful things.

like love or friendship.

because once the do. it goes away.

how does it matter?

everyone knows this.

so. i thought nobody cared about my art.

and besides. normies kept calling me

"vegetarian" all the time.

i was fucking tired of it.

so i make a straight edge tatu.

great for me.

then because of that.

i met my ex.

great for me?

im the same as before now.

nothing has changed.

LIFE IS LIKE THIS GREAT STORY

LIFE IS LIKE A COMPUTER GAME

yeah. so?

everyone knows this?

pirates had tatus before.

i like beauty. but i dont.

im a guy. im shallow.

like a moth to flame.

im an ox. i see red.

and i run towards it.

thats it.

im not the puppet master.

i destroy the world.

but its just my world.

this place ive imagined.

well. the world is over.

its contracting.

into a big bang.

i wont rebirth it with bella.

and make this great new world.

which will have its first word

TOMBEL.

the word was tombel

and tombel was the word.

no?

that sounds fucking stupid.

should i drink beer at work?

well. being drunk isnt allowed.

you can clean your hands

with rubbing liquor though.

45-96%. you get clean.

you get holy.

you get fresh.

youre yourself again.

an angel of pure light.

except.

angels and demons are the same thing.

it doesnt matter.

hey. maybe i should do something else.

lesse. watch music videos.

and........ thats it.

youre not supposed to be alone.

but if the people that are around you.

say youre not like them?

and then you dont like yourself.

and the few people that cared about you.

well. it wont work.

youll drive them away.

and thats all youll have from that point forwards.

loneliness. because killing someone is no problem.

you can get in trouble though.

so you crush their soul.

not much is needed.

youre subversive.

you say something now and then.

just a word here and there.

when theyre not protected.

no.

a single wolf doesnt attack a flock of sheep.

its the other way around.

a flock of wolves attack one sheep.

hey. its all in the bible.

the concept of "stoning".

thats why "being stoned"

is so confusing to me.

uhm. why would you wish that upon yourself?

or anyone else for that matter.

but that is the brotherhood.

you stand out.

youre in trouble.

the brotherhood has rules.

and regulations.

except, obviously, they dont tell you that.

its the whole concept of civilization.

unwritten rules.

you could read the whole DSM or the dead sea scrolls

or your countries all laws or learn about every single

physical illness.

and what good will that do you?

why does this matter? any of it?

he who speaks does not know

he who knows does not speak

so. i was on scarys shuggashack.

when i got tired of impressing.

or computergames. or wanking.

i tried slashdot. uhm. great idea?

no matter what i said.

i got downmodded.

and i was lonely.

so i said the allowed 10 posts in a day.

and im quite quickly at -2 moderation.

my behaviour turns more annoyed and aggressive.

the account is still up.

i used this great unhackable password before.

hello123. woah. no one could brute force that.

geeks dont make themselves known.

cracking crews. blackhats. computer virus makers.

another 6 months ill be unknown.

malware bla bla bla.

i dont know anything about that world.

i took me 5 years to learn to code

a fucking image or link.

thats fucking pathetic.

so. just like everything else.

the psychiatric system works in shame application.

i dont know how anyone escapes it. or do they? or dont?

so. if i say anything at all on youtube.

it just gets deleted.

it doesnt matter what it is.

if i register with fake credentials on whatever site.

the account doesnt work.

well. i dont feel like doing that.

thats below my level.

so. i made up all these names.

and. why?

so. again.

i wanted to be cool and original and different.

and all that.

i wanted to make a rune stave. great for me.

i walked randomly in the woods in 2006.

so. tracey is in a stable relationship now.

because i am. with my computer. and thats it.

is disgustingness or subversive disgustingness worse?

if you see something is a splatter movie you might not pick that.

but if it only has 1 second of splatter?

and it has this cute packaging?

that its about the triumph of good over evil?

so. if you spend time with someone you get to know them.

easy. obvious. logical.

oh god. im going in circles. what to do?

get a haircut? why.......?

get clothes? why.......?

get a tatu? well. no. just no.

the more things change.

the more they stay the same.

wow. this is pathetic. what to do.

surf randomly on youtube.

and find this amazing song.

that i watch for 30 secs.

and i eat the creators soul.

and i write something similar?

great for me.

so. haruki murakami.

i was healthy. skinny. fit.

and i was fucking deplorable.

i had a lot of pain.

feet. neck. ears.

im not a healer.

i heal people with my pretend happiness

and pretend wisdom

so does stand up comedians.

so does clowns.

but theres nothing to them.

hmm. so. hiphop. great for me.

are there good demons?

great question.

great answer.

great muzak.

great opinions.

great finding some people you fit in with.

bruce lee didnt write about his way of life.

didnt create a religion.

some emp and a pill. and that was it.

la di da.

im not the human google.

im "well-informed".

im a wikipedia quote.

im a cliche.

im sobby.

im embarassing.

im drunk without drinking.

im synthesized phenylethylamine with metaamphetamine.

great for me.

im happy without being happy

im smart without being smart

im bright without any faults

im darkness without any brightness

im a zoomorphic catbeing with a high pitched voice

if people could only talk in densively complex metaphysical quotations.

great. great. great for me.

i got what i wanted.

then its back to normal.

i woke up. and thought. fuck. im so happy!

im myself. im my normal self.

and someone likes that?

hey.

i can put you in a basement if i want.

how about getting married?

get that fritzl enjoyment?

listen to classical music.

and have a lovely redheaded wife?

what about it?

uhm. i could post this on other sites.

why? i had my last chance.

found a 5 month old reply.

replied. was a motherfucking raving lunitic.

hmm. got annoyed. annoyed back.

doesnt work. i never learn.

(no subject)

so. in misery. but it doesnt matter.

bella was the only one. ever.

who cared.

.......if i was lucky.

and im not lucky.

so it doesnt matter.

so. i had this pretty poem essay

about all the times

i was raped when i lived

with my parents etc.

she replies "i am WEAK".

well. could never predict her.

like any other raving lunatic drunkard.

bella kissed me once

on the right part of my neck.

when she was doing the dishes.

and i was watching something on youtube.

but that was about it.

that doesnt exactly sound poetic.

anyway. i figured out the psychiatric system.

it seemed before that miss mom was my illness.

so i took more drugs than her eventually. i was beyond her.

no problem anymore.

and the same thing happened with the greys.

they couldnt touch me.

then we had this great invention. pcr tests.

i got one early 2020.

i fell for their spell.

back then. you were supposed to put it in the back of your.. jaw?

strange.

hey. i read about pcr tests a whole lot of years ago.

life is not love. the world is not love.

its simple. drugs make you stronger.

if you dont do them you have no chance.

the more power you have. the stronger drugs you can afford.

its like a logarithmic feedback loop.

back then. you put the swab on the inside of your cheek.

and rubbed it for like 30 secs.

putting it furthest into your mouth wont do shit.

i almost puked. almost. the nurse said i should count to 15. or whatever.

you cant do that when youre almost puking already.

she counted to 5. then i coughed violently. and then the test was finished.

anyway. theres some other ways. to get power.

but it seemingly doesnt matter. they increase in numbers.

you never ever have a chance.

you could

1) be a whore

2) say smart things

3) say funny things

3) be assertive

at first. i tried the second. be clever. have good arguments.

it doesnt matter. they rip your words apart.

whatever you say leads to their only known end result.

pain in more pain. the ultimate negative.

so. i havent been angry, for like.. months?

because. uh. ive ignored the psychiatric system.

again. i have no idea how they do it.

alarm from a distance.

please god no

no fire alarm again.

they did it 2 days ago. 4 times.

after the third it didnt stop.

so i did my usual tehnique.

talk to people. be smart. funny. flirty.

usually. id walk up to this woman.

shes from greece. like you. great huh?

in swedish, the english word greece and the swedish word for pig is the same thing.

the greek got slaughtered. like pigs. because thats all they are.

enjoy.

so. anyway. miss greece. miss gris. miss piggy.

she. smokes. all. the. time.

anyway. shed managed to piss me off a lot one day.

she said i looked like a pig. ok. great?

shes not exactly attractive herself. so it doesnt work.

and my startsign is double waterpig.

again. doesnt work.

nothing pisses me off.

because i realized the world is a lie.

and i dont care about the lie.

and thus i dont care about anyone

hey. i tried retaliating against my bullies.

uhm. 3 times? great. really great idea.

one time some dude pretends he likes me.

wants to borrow some computer game.

copies its soundtrack to cassette.

i eventually somehow get it back.

its got a million scratches. oK?

he was apart of the gang.

i dunno who isnt.

they all fall for it.

eventually.

drugs beer hooker.

sex and drugs and rock and roll.

and i wanted that too.

and i didnt get it.

i should have gotten it.

that i didnt get it.

so. i manipulated the spacetime continuum

well. no big deal.

deviantart. someone calls themselves serenity.

again. its not good to mention proper names.

unless theyve completely beyond help have fucked up. not a good idea.

and everyone is clairevoyant. so they know what its about.

i thought there was something wrong with me.

people gave me the cold shoulder everywhere.

anyway. to continue an older story.

so. gangs and the mafia. have weird rules.

they stem from really old times.

you cant blame anything said in the bible or related books.

compared to their bullshit.

they. obviously. dont. write. them. down.

hey. the vikings were clever. never wrote it down.

those runestones. you know?

they sound like. i dunno. memes? lesse. look up.

this is fun! ^_^

i dunno why i write.

i guess some artists arent good writers.

anyway. im reminded of another julia.

its usually like that.

you see your first love all the time afterwards.

which can be problematic.

i went home to my apartment a few days after the first julia.

then she wanted us to go to some wellness thing.

fuck. i hate wellness. and im a hare krishna.

i should have gotten it. but i dont get anything.

being lonely is the fucking greatest thing ever.

well. no. you think you understand things.

from your bubble. anyway! ^_^

right. so i come to whatever subway station before her.

wait outside. SERIOUSLY. everyone looked like her.

one of them. PERFECT. then i got closer. and. nope. just some normie.

she finally arrived. she was neat. geeky. maybe.

she liked clothes. a lot. and she was for real.

real real real.

i thought it was only redheads which are like that.

but..... i dunno.

a particular specimen.

julia said she was a german jew.

then i figured like. hey!

this was obviously before bitchute.

nazis bad! jews good!

jews in pain! jews smart! jews great!

its really easy to perpetuate a lie.

over millenia. even.

but how do you know that you exist?

what if you woke up and have implanted memories?

it was like that before.

like...... id wake up. and before i opened my eyes.

i had no idea where i was.

nope. no drugs. neuroleptics. theyre fun.

they never work as intented.

or its a feature. not a big.

anyway. i like writing! ^_^

i dont like writing to other people.

except, i wrote a lot to tracey.

she didnt say a lot back.

this was good. i got to be myself.

and write things.

never needing to impress anyone.

be yourself.

b/u. wanted to make a t shirt like that.

wanted to set up a temporary stand in skärholmen centrum.

but i eventually learned that its futile.

no one cares and no one will ever care.

oh. fun memory! my dad had ZERO creative talents.

he put me down. a lot. but he was tired of me.

makes sense. he never said "you should get a place of your own".

i did that. moved far away. had some shitty hosts.

told dad. he called me up the next day.

"my heart has never hurt this much"

awwww! cutiepie!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

anyway. miss greek hates my fucking guts.

so. im an incubus. great? when did that start.

i had this great neighbor. i had some others.

like. they lived just nextdoor.

families are weird. creepy. fucked up.

lonewolf is the only way to go.

hey. conspiracy theories are all true.

a conspiracy means when 2 people agree on something.

they shouldnt. be yourself. la di da.

im listening to hardcore superstars someone special.

doesnt matter. told that story before. im not special.

it actually affects what i write. i dont believe in the mozart effect.

mozart was some dead dude. fritzl liked classical music.

and other miscellaneous khazars. or whatever.

its not white people. GET IT. theres 4% white people!

they dont rule the world! its a lie. its all a lie.

hey. could upload this on bitchute. i get some views again.

not a lot. if i talk. i got 120 views before.

if i added effects. 60 views. makes sense. logical.

but if everyone knows everything about me all the time.

how does anything matter?

thats why people are boring.

makes sense. they cant write in stream of conciousness mode.

it would be petabyte flow. makes sense.

another word i thought was SO COOL.

so. the female orgasm is the greatest force in the universe?

great for them. flesh is like any other flesh.

if you fry it, it eventually changes colour. i havent seen beyond grey.

but its disgusting. be happy you dont have clamydia.

anyway. who cares. what to do......? ^_^

so. i was pissed off. i mean. majorly.

that catatonia i talked about.

i wont be getting any more tatus.

criminals have them.

thats it.

things never mean what they mean.

never ever. people see things as they are.

so. heard about the fish phenomenon.

jail isnt for pussies.

its not for them at all.

it simple.

start of shawshank redemption.

mister intellectual gets put in.

also a fat guy.

he gets murdered on his first day.

thats me. soon. joy.

or they wont do that.

because they cant get to me.

what is the original sin?

doesnt that sound clever?

it would be nice to read books again.

sigh. velvet acid christ is nice.

ive mostly pirated his music.

so not like im a real fan.

i told people that before.

i was majorly pissed!

yes! give back! great idea.

except, theyre warriors, they know how to fight back.

im a faggot.

i attack weak people.

but thats not fun. they dont fight back either.

so. no point in that.

i now realized how it worked.

so. once. was gonna be neat and all.

so. this dude part of an intellectual crew.

they had a group where they reviewed writings.

wow. great idea. they had a cute outside image.

intellectuals. bla bla bla.

so. i tell them i want a review of my

GREATEST POEM EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

then i get the reply back.

"you need to learn the rules first

before you rape them with a broomstick"

ok. found one of their prime evils.

he called himself inebriate.

not something cute.

so he was slaughtering another newbie.

i talked in quotes back then.

they were my friends.

id read them over and over.

i published them! great for me.

in 1 copy. gave it to some musician.

he liked it. that was it.

waste of time.

my first book with text i ordered 7 prints of.

like. why?

i was gonna give them to people i liked.

except, when you make shit.

you might think its not good.

so i didnt give them to anyone.

and you dont really give people things.

they wont give a fuck.

bella liked one of my books! great!

so. her new. whatever. i dont get normies world.

its like

1) the one youre with. your close friend. your more than friends. your hubby. your spouse. your prime apartment. your "the only one" to the outside.

2) people you fuck. that you know. friend.

3) people you fuck at parties. distant friend. part of the clique.

3.1) gangbangs. happen all the time. you know everyone. so you fuck everyone. all the time. at the same time.

4) people you fuck to get money.

5) people you fuck to get something else out of them. like, get them to rape you, get them raped. get them in prison. shit talked in the press. the works. it doesnt matter. they do whatever it takes. and they always succeed.

oh. this ones great.

6) people you exchange once per year. someone you acquire. whenever you feel like it. you "work", that is, prostitution, drugdealing, murders, you name it. so youre "busy". maybe you "see a friend" or your family or whatever.

sometimes its in the summer. sometimes its after new years.

you see them when you feel like it. to get your entertainment. theyll fall for it. they are virgins. they believe in true love. yada yada.

you are expert at subversiveness lies manipulation golddigging and many more psychological methods i have no idea about.

it has been this way since time began.

maybe there are books about this. no idea. i dont read books. i dont "know" my neighbourhood.

la di da.

well. ive heard some about documentation about the mafia. swedish. hells angels. banditos. italian.

falcone. i looked that up. wikipedia. great for me. skimmed. like tracey used to do to me. then she scrolled. then i got tired of her.

if she exists. if shes got 3000 fake accounts.

if someone just did it to teach me a lesson.

i dont care. i dont care. i dont care.

it doesnt matter.

people dont say what they mean.

and they dont mean what they say.

you cant do that. you cant be up front.

so. bella said. once. ever. that she loved me. cute love letter.

she knew any art in existance. good for her.

except. shes a robot. an android.

these gang and mafia babes.

they will give your world meaning.

for the first time ever.

but its a really really strangew world.

it is the real world. the shadow world.

and everyone lives in it. except me.

except virgins. except geeks. except otaku.

but its easy to get drugs online.

and find whatever you want.

and its easy to get drunk.

to forget. to fit in.

to be yourself.

and.. since the swine flue?

vodka and beyond grade

alcohol is available anywhere.

for free.

it was a gateway into the shadow world before.

now its a prerequisite for existing at all.

no one escapes. no one.

so i dont... really think theres anyone like me.

anyway. bella was perfect.

she could handle me.

for 1½ years.

you know. numerology?

its a lot beyond trying to find 666 in anything.

i mean. its so fucking crazy.

they speak in so many ways.

on so many levels.

you just dont stand a chance.

the worst thing.

is the manifestation part.

so. i mentioned someone else.

the only other one i had.

bella says "remove everything about her"

.........ok?

then i mention someone else.

"remove everything about her"

now it gets weird.

but i dont see the signs.

then. like. early 2020?

her sis calls me up.

...... and wouldnt you know?

"remove everything about her"

sigh.

whats the point to...... anything then?

you cant call the shadow world a lie.

because its all there is.

to humanity.

animals arent like this. but i dunno.

cats can get psychosises.

how this ties in with

them having an iq of 1

and being blind. i dont get.

so. when i was 7. i wanked for the first time.

great for me. my first thought was

"im the only one doing this".

it has come to my attention

that my sis shit talked me in my sleep.

it just makes sense. cant explain it any other way.

she did this. because she knew something about me.

i mean. she didnt. but her intuition tells her so.

scorpios are right 99% of the time because

they have a smashing good intuition........ok?

ok. new alarm. something else.

the world is getting weird again.

i mean. treat me badly any way you want.

but fucking beeping noises? no thanks.

i made this weird science fiction rant.

to get the psychiatric system its patients treatment.

miss stalker replied "you should send this to magazines"

well. i tried that. once. they didnt want it.

tried with 1 book. thought i had the chance.

some dude in the noble committee had published a similar one.

quote cutes from his life.

mister dad had said his first memory.

was that his mom cleaned him as a baby in the sink in the kitchen.

great for him. the mentioned quote from the book?

"i remember when my mom used to clean my body as a baby in the sink in the kitchen"

........gee. wonder why.

it to tell me. i am nothing. i will never succeed.

only frauds do. but its what our world is made up of.

lies are easier to popularize than truths.

because teaching someone something isnt possible.

they see the world differently.

so it doesnt work.

wow. my brain is melting.

i think something. write it.

except, somewhere between the brain thinking it

and my hands writing it.

i can

1) miss out on words

2) write an opposite one

3) write a completely different one, which is related to the other one somehow. but my brain is a mess.

when i was a teen. i wrote better than american ones.

well. nothing to brag about. since the average american iq is 20 points lower than the rest of the world.

ok. this song annoys me. but everything annoys me.

energy thieves? give me a break. you have no idea about the greys subversiveness.

so. 1997. the game unreal wasnt released. i was on the official forum.

they mention.

i. hate. everything.

dont need a speedball for that.

as for my dad? go fuck yourself.

and your "clique".

if you want to teach your kid something.

you do that. you dont give with one hand and slap with the other.

its your own fucking fault. not mine.

they mention its gonna use module music.

search on it. find a site called "altered perception".

bypass

the douche is playing harmonica and it sounds like complete and utter shit.

love you as well man.

so. i got him on my level. but shadowpeople shift so quickly.

but then. they lustmurder people.

so. tried a pub. once. smoked. outdoors. drank someones leftover beer.

after a min i hear youre not allowed to smoke there.

oooooook. try another one. sit at some random table. someone has left some sallad. wow.

go downstairs. sit at some random table. no one says anything.

switch table. some drunk cunt talks to me. i ask her name. sofie. ok. pretty.

she asks mine. emma. "WHAT?" emma? "ok great i have to powder my nose". i move to the other side.

some chick leans against me and says "im so sorry".

the team talk. i figure i should shut up. listen a few mins.

mention some conspiracy theory in relation

to what theyre talking out. someone replies poignantly.

i interupt them too quickly. they cuss me out.

i try to act smart and weak.

they tell me to leave.

i tried to be normal once.

worst 2 mins of my life.

............ ^_^

i mean. really. why bother? i will never be them.

i cant pretend i am.

i cant be anything.

if computers didnt exist.

i..... dont really know would have happened to me.

one of my first memories is playing ice climber on nintendo.

great for me. my neighbour had lots of consoles and computers.

ive never really lived. and ive never lived in the shadow world either.

no light. no shadow. just infinite grey.

miss mom said out of the blue

"you once said that grey is all colours"

ok. great for her. i guess she wanted to say something incredible.

its not. i dont get people. she used to say that my bed is so "comfy".

i never got anything.

so. another time. tried to be normal. some neighbor when i had my real

own apartment. i meet her daughter. she says shes seen me at my job.

ok? never seen her. weird. and she didnt mean my job. nothing really

means what people say. i never got this. until i tried drugs.

and tried interacting with them more. if you are something.

you do it. and ignore everything else. nothing else matters.

because the world is a fraud. it doesnt have to be fake.

but everyone else is. so it doesnt matter.

grey. all colours. ok. maybe that was when i was afraid of aliens.

lesse. when did that start? right. 2006. 27th march.

went outside. hadnt done that for years.

its weird when youre fucked up and pretend to be normal.

but its like that. the lightworld the shadowworld.

except the light world is worse.

its supposed to be normal. and acceptable.

except, people switch between these all the time.

can they be sentient? i have no idea.

one of the last things of value miss mom said.

i cant remember the exact phrasing.

i dunno in which state i was.

sometimes i remember swedish things said in english.

its obvious. if you have enough trauma. you hide it.

this trauma is swedish society.

some people try anime culture. great for them.

i tried american culture. readily available.

and you create another world.

except. im a guy. i have no imagination.

and no emotions.

so. i have one world.

where i think and talk and act in english.

this world is better.

this world is stronger.

this world is... sexier?

whatever.

i was allowed to read an english poem finally

at the radio show. well. maybe it was both

swedish and english. dont like people.

but performance has some actual meaning.

i was. really. never part of fountain house.

so. i figured. i liked cooking.

ill be a chef! great. ill look for an education

in university on it. at the time. there were only

3 in sweden. in stockholm. impossible to get in

with my grades. for a long time.

the scale was only 4 different values.

you had to put in effort to get a 1.

and you had to put in more effort to get a 4.

ig g vg mvg.

quite boring. and futile.

so. miss mom. is great. and knows everything.

future past everything about everyone.

i was gonna be called sofia? great.

sofia means clever. i was gonna be clever.

im sofia when i shut up and do nothing.

seems.... quite dull.

tracey is like this. doesnt say anything.

whatever people do to her. she accepts it.

then shes politically correct. like. worse ever.

i thought this had to do with christianity.

but. really. no.

i used to shut up.

miss mom mentioned they used to ask me

what school was like?

i have zero memory of this.

when we got broadband in 1997.

i sat 12 hours per day.

got home at 5. sat til 5 in the morning.

this was problematic. since we started at 8:30.

so. was a zombie. to say the least.

didnt cut my hair. didnt get new clothes.

for like. uh. 20 years? didnt shower.

didnt brush my teeth.

ate a farmers diet.

shit tons of butter milk orange juice

bread meatballs. about it.

i perpetuated that until. well.

recently. now i eat 100% junkfood.

there was some news that iran would nuke the world?

ok. id ignored tv and newspapers since 9/11.

but i fell into their spell.

wow. hate everything. the greys are great.

you think ive never bled? stupid piece of shit.

you dont know the definition of bleeding.

show me the size of the vaccine scar

you got when you were born and

i will tell you about pain.

so. hey. i figured. oh.

i almost got emotional for a second.

isnt that great?

guys arent allowed to have emotions.

theyre not really allowed to do anything.

it is said all churches were built by demons.

the seal of solomon.

men are called demons.

women are called angels.

but. if women control the world?

theyre the demons.

theyre the unseen.

and males are their slaves.

i saw the ultimate reality.

everyone is either

a green

or a grey.

strangely enough.

i wondered recently.

am i a green or a grey?

i figured green.

ya see. nothing is as it seems.

something else weird.

is that i dont see ugly people.

i mean, i tried to see the good in other people.

theres really no point in that.

like. fountain house. first day.

was lead around by a inhumanly ugly guy.

ok. they wanted to tell me a lesson.

he had so huge acne scars on his

nose it was just incredible.

i got pimples on my nose shortly after started college.

ya see. its hard to breath. and move.

when you sit in front of the computer 12 hours per day.

now its easy though.

i walked. increased my muscle mass.

but its not about that.

its about muscle cells.

you either have muscle cells or fat cells.

the fatter you get.

the easier it is to build fat.

the more you work out.

the easier it is get back on top again.

except. i walked. you only train your legs then.

my legs are healthy. in some ways.

my arms........ well.

i played computer games too much.

first person shooters? just.... no.

quake was the end of my life.

"gothic". ok. cool.

black clothes?

but everyone uses black clothes

"you look better in them"

but theres more things to see in colours.

society is depressing.

i havent been able to make poems about gaming.

nor school. really. dunno why.

theres really.. no light there.

nothing beautiful to extract.

its just. pain in more pain.

the ultimate negative.

the ultimate lie.

its weird. i didnt realise i was suicidal before.

it makes sense. i talked about it. no one else really did.

so miss mom said she called up miss economy and said

"DO YOU WANT HIM TO COMMIT SUICIDE AGAIN???????"

gee. the problem is. i remember things.

i remember how people were before.

bella cussed me out 6 hours per day when she was "pregnant".

so. do i want to make it better for these kids which dont

really exist except in the shadow world and ill never see

nor speak to them and they wont even come to my funeral.

and no one will come to my funeral. i dont understand

the implications of that. because i cant read minds.

i cant see time.

then she ended it with "i love you"

or a heart emoji. or whatever.

she did that for awhile.

and has fate as it.

i tried to make fun of her.

so i finally say

"ok. i admit it. i was unfaithful.

i spit in miss electros eyes

i pissed on her tits

and i shit in her hair"

uhm. then shed been pregnant for 9 months.

i dont get anything.

it was almost my birthday too. even better.

i dont remember the exact date.

its hard to make up shit.

when you dont have imagination nor emotions.

i wrote this story about dragons to miss china.

i never sent it to her. but she knows everything

so shes read it. i remembered now why i wanted to see her.

walk to china. from sweden. would take awhile.

she said more than once

"i want to have sex with seas"

great for me. doesnt mean anything.

like everyone else. she was a cannibal.

she made really weird splatter selfies.

listened to black metal.

the first song the hamlet wytch sent me.

was anal cunts "hitler was a sensitive man".

hey. im normal now.

it feels like im actually

talking to rhiannon and kirin.

(they say "we are here")

great for me. doesnt mean nor prove shit.

and everyone hates me. it can work in a moment.

and it happens. over and over and over.

i should have figured it out.

the countess used to talk about her day.

then she stopped with that.

miss mom stopped at a similar time.

hey, even pi has twins.

"do you see connections?". lol?

so. last year was a trip.

because i tripped.

in various ways.

the ultimate smartest thing was saffron.

and installing an antivirus at the same time

bella said her husband and one

important fuckboy was hacking her.

ok. ill help? im a..... warrior? man? cowboy?

sigh.

it didnt work.

i am chaos magick.

and its not something to brag about.

its just how i work.

im not a demon nor an angel.

i am not blue red green grey nor black

i am everything. in a big fucking mess.

rainbow? no. just white noise.

so. the nanochip is healing me.

in some ways. this is the problem.

i mean. shadowpeople.

they hear something. believe it.

and it works.

dandruff shampoo? ok. you get dandruff shampoo.

you use it. you dont have to use it anymore.

you are healed.

grocery stores are epitome of this.

gee. would be nice to write on topic.

but i dont do that anymore.

ive rotted my brain.

its impossible to get inspired when nothing happens.

and my writing eventually goes in circles.

this is eternity.

so. theres a velvet acid christ cover.

an early one.

of some demon with lots of hoses on him

and just darkness.

that doesnt sound like fun?

i thought darkhalo was like that.

lived in hell. made music.

with his mind.

hed think something.

then that would spur a song.

easy. dont have to put in mechanical effort.

youre not supposed to write about that in layman terms.

i never got that. for supernatural things

you explain them in supernatural ways.

and i thought computers werent that.

i mean, its impossible? its just 0s and 1s.

you cant change the internet around to your wishing?

the website would stop working?

it would just crash the program?

or the computer?

or the image sound video

would just turn to white noise?

well. its not like that.

now. its weird. since i was a cyberdemon.

and an incubus. since 4th grade? i can see it.

anyway. cant handle people.

ive fixed my personality.

but thats when no one bothers me.

it was like this before.

i lived in home.

it was complete shit.

walked on eggshells.

best to just lock my door.

and pretend no one else existed.

but the internet was the same thing.

and even if the trenchcoat

mafia is an mk ultra psyop.

the concept is still real.

the worst people are those that use computers.

that make computers.

that code.

they understand things.

like no one else.

so. ive been wanting to tell that story about

akari and akira harakiri.

bella said it was from some anime.

but i cant find it.

search engines dont show popular results

.......... if they ever did?

ok. lets check up on my deep data profile?

wheeeeeeeeeee ^_^

i sound like a 12 year old girl? great.

ive got the quote still. lesse.

message 1

Jag fattar men jag fattar inte

like

några bitar av den här dikten är bra

medans andra delar är som

en tolv år tjej skrivit det.

inget hat UwU

message 2

årig*

now. theres lots of subversiveness in there. but i dont really care.

im naive so i sent her some messages. repented. made a poem. waited for her response.

tried to be like her.

hated everything and had nothing to express

could only talk in troll swedish

or reptile swedish. i dont know the difference.

i dont know when this language started.

theres super mario. around the time i was born.

so i guess it has older origins.

right. nietzsche.

his concept of the übermensch.

the super man. some loser made

the first modern comic about that.

it was called........ super man.

great.

i havent read nietzsche a lot.

i used to like quotes. lots.

just short sayings.

that meant a lot.

which actually said something.

then id communicate that way.

and got that insult i mentioned earlier.

i understand things now.

but theres nothing to understand after that.

i built up a personality. and its a joke.

and i cant change it.

i turn into that around people.

and since i know ill never get someone

i dont want sex.

just someone around.

we dont have to talk.

we dont have to say anything.

oh! important part! ^_^

theyre not allowed to think

negative things about me

i have all these theories.

but no one ever cared.

i dont know if i spellbound women

or if my voice is just a tractorbeam.

i met someone like that.

i could literally not move when he started whining.

hed perfected it. he got happier the worst i felt.

the third time. i had told myself to break free of the bonds.

and i never saw him again. he had no power over me.

well. everyone has power over me.

the only powers i have

are instantaneous

unintentional

black chaos magick.

or not? last year. i tried the drug route.

i was near the zombie zoo here.

they didnt say

"oooooh im in such

a bad mood all of a sudden?

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY"

some things are patterns.

its called the uncanny valley.

jane austen. i think?

wrote about that.

that everyone else seemed like robots.

this was before 1908.

so thats odd.

maybe she just wrote.

without using drugs as a crutch.

and they dont work.

you become a 1 hit wonder.

and thats it.

you get high once.

and its amazing.

you get high more.

and you never reach that high again.

me. i said i took phenylethylamine.

great for me? figured it wouldnt be cool

to write in the liner notes for SBSP

that i liked to eat chocolate to get inspired.

again, i dont get shadowlanguage.

but it sort of means

"i get off by sucking peoples assholes"

i guess?

........... yeah. its weird.

maybe i mentioned that at fountain house once.

some chick made

a song about taking shit

and eating shit.

she also talked about female pedophiles?

great for her. lesse, what did she say?

"i dont want to turn into some loser

in the suburbs with cats and flab

and warts with hair in them"

and..... yeah.

i said her record was good.

and something good happened.

then something bad happened.

as it always is for me.

she made another song

about "fuck or die"?

well. its my fault.

it was a simple pastich

of the animal semetary

by the ramones.

i am the best and the worst.

the american dream. sigh.

so. was douglas adams

a khazar? makes you wonder.

i was given that book long ago.

didnt laugh. thought it was stupid.

42? right. i wanted to be clever.

well. i just spam whatever.

some other mmorpg.

some guy who liked gangster rap was in the game.

great for me.

i spammed him.

he said some things.

uhm..........

then i say

y=3>{1,3}

he asked

did you just curse me?

didnt really mean to

but i get exstatic

when people dont

just turn me off

so i spam him more

eventually he says

"should i call the cops?"

i logged out

not a good idea

gangsta rappers talking

about corrupt cops?

i dont get it

theyre best friends with them

i dont know the exact specifics

but if you piss off a gangster

they can all of a sudden say

theyre gonna call the cops on you

and they do

it was like that last year

just like when i lived at home

couldnt really go outside the door

and people knocked at my door

and begged for cigs or money or food

sigh. i guess they dont live in a

social democracy like me?

but. im a soyboy.

a laser turk.

a deathstar.

so. met someone that looked like miss electro.

well. met several like that. great for me.

better than all those fake blondes.

she hade huge rasta braided hair

in a big mess on her hair.

looked pretty.

i once asked mister dad

"WHY DO JUNKIES LOOK SO GOOD????????"

"..... they dont look good on the inside"

except, he also said

"your room smells so bad"

i guess he really means

"your soul is corrupt"

just like those

"your art used to be so dark"

well. good thing he hasnt seen my writing.

well. he has. keylogger. and all.

and you dont need that.

miss economy. last year.

you know, tourettes?

its for a reason.

miss economy is a logoped.

it sounds great in swedish so ill keep it.

she teaches people with speech impediments

to get better. but it makes you wonder.....

before. she never answered the phone.

is problematic.

shes supposed to help

me with my economy?

i tried messaging her smsing her

leaving phone messages.

nope. nothing. for 3 whole months.

id prefer an evil muslim to that.

i prefer muslims.

except, the brotherhood is flawed.

an eye for an eye leaves the world blind.

and the world is blind. like cats.

in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king.

oh. its great feeling like this.

saying what i wanna say.

then instantly realising the opposite.

great.

at university. we were gonna write essays.

on whatever.

the teacher says "ni skriver ett paper"

yep. all swedish words.

then an english one.

hard to figure out what she meant then.

except, university teachers

have 0% education in teaching.

best thing ever.

as for making tracey happy?

great. how do you make women happy?

you make them orgasm.

thats the only thing.

so i made up shit about people i havent slept with.

and. earlier.

i made this essay after midnight.

quite intricate.

about a dozen ways i use to fall asleep.

she replied?

great. not exactly common.

she said

"its not often i cant fall asleep. otherwise i give myself an orgasm"

great for me.

then i tried to impress her.

this is how our relationship started again.

she talked shit about her husband.

i said things.

i blogged.

its way worse than anything i write nowadays.

big fucking mess.

and the longer i wrote the shittier it became.

no. word isnt a virus from outer space.

words are air? air is souls.

air are souls? none of the 2 words sound correct.

its great that i pretended to like metallicas song

"one".

then i figured. when bella had had her fun.

it would happen to you.

theres 2 music vids. i think?

not recommended.

i used to talk exstatically about it.

like everything else.

i cant stand people now.

like that tracey poem.

made it into a song.

dont really feel like recording my voice anymore.

it sucks out my energy.

cant really explain it.

same for photoing or filming.

a split second afterwards my eyes turn cold.

i didnt get into the same school as matilda.

weird i still remember her name.

but nothing would have happened between us.

my sis went to that school.

it was fancy and slanting and......

inability to open windows.

dunno. it was ok? maybe?

so miss mom got me into this school.

far away in the suburbs.

took 45 mins to get there.

whine warning! cringe warning!

wow. this is whiney.

it shifts. sometimes i say something of value.

no. dont really know what woman is.

since im not one.

i used to call myself seas.

because i wrote from a dream or vision or whatever.

dark angels crying seas of blood.

theres some front line assembly song about that?

but i was a dead dreamer before.

i dont get visions.

i...... dont get anything.

i thought that statement was so deep and amazing and important.

maybe i came up with it in 1997 already.

i could reference it. but i dunno. why do numbers matter?

so. i wanted to call myself seas of blood.

wasnt that cute.

so i shortened it down to seas.

i cant call it history.

because i cant relate to time.

digifox real name is angel olsen.

well. i dont really know. just a hunch.

saw the cover and it looked like her.

she had a site like mr poetry site.

it was a bunch of geek friends.

most german.

deaddreamer misery in motion

jake jake2000

that guy he had a website with on endeffected dot com

pyros

shiver

some other redhead thin and asthma and weak. not enough notoriety to bother recalling her name.

she and digifox had a site called gamergirls with 1 more.

i think? it showed drawn female geeks with no tits. you know, feminism?

feminism sure made good work of computergames.

"there wont be any loot boxes but many cosmetic options"

fun.

i mean. it was great.

one time in runescape.

i saw this female character

with a purple horse and a unicorn plushie and purple clothes, i guess?

and some people have imagination and they dont play the game the normal way.

but, like...........?

was that other redhead you tracey? or the third? or are you digifox? lol. would be weird.

but i cant put on a show.

i used to like copying people.

when the alarm went off.

and this sickly emaciated old smoker that always had the same clothes on including a pointy beanie hat thingie (we call em mössor) ive never spoken to nor heard a word from ever.

anyway. he had some probs. i dont think it was a fire though.

well. the shadowlands are weird.

the fire apartment got there.

got a loooooooong hose. and some smoke came out. i presume it was the carbon acid though. not any actual problem.

but i got to talk to people! great!

people = women

clownslaves = men.

this language is called the ooga booga language. great for me.

anyway. the original thought lead

i tried to impress some chicks with my great ingenuity of laughing and smiles and talks of funny and smart things

.............. no one falls for it.

it might work if

"you have nice hair but you look evil in your pictures"

no. i cant look myself in the mirror.

that was something good about drugs.

getting assertive. angry.

doing actual shit to improve my life.

instead of trying to be normal.

since no one is normal.

hmm. have written for awhile.

not that it matters.

not that it anti-matters.

as for miss electro.

i used to post lots of stupid links.

remember, tracey?

("oh yes i remember")

great. youre still there? lovely. ("yes i am" that sounded neither like bella nor tracey nor miss electro. not rhiannon nor kirin either. this is complicated. sigh. katarina? makes sense. hi there. was awhile ago. jessica? makes more sense. you never know. quite a lot of people in stockholm. and online. gotta make an impact. like handguns and tequila [dont talk like that]. shut up)

so. one of these was to bella to some random miss electro song.

i hadnt really listened to anything shed made.

and i linked the wrong one.

one that didnt actually suck.

that wasnt beyond BLIP BLOP BLAP and pathetic casio style synths.

so. i sound like shit when i spit live?

you got that from that guy who said i was "a legend already"?

great. except that diss is about eminem.

and im just a stereotypical wannabe gangster.

and mister grosssmart is so great so he TOTALLY improvised it RANDOMLY while making a film.

..........right.

its much better to be a stereotypical wannabe black gangster.

much difference.

not.

would be nice to publish this. i mean. make a book.

get it printed.

he also soooooooo didnt have a beat and stayed on cue.

yeah. you do that. robot. the world is yours. after all.

when you sell your soul.

i know about the ultimate reality. its fucking boring.

i guess i should eat something. the ostkaka.

shortcake. is used up.

oh. the finnish chocolate is still there.

theyre genuine. they started adding a bunch of stupid flavours.

but, hey. popcorn.............? right.

ok. headache. 2 days of alarms.

you cant really talk to people about anything.

you could let them talk. but i get uneasy so fast.

ruined my legs. my own fault.

first my right arm hurt from too much computergaming.

then my left. i continued.

then my left leg.

then my right one.

well. i had no life meaning.

nothing makes me happy. except writing.

i tried other things.

but, really. theyre not for me.

the nanochip heals me.

but im not allowed to speak of anything good.

then it gets corrupted.

im not allowed to speak of anything bad.

then i get punished.

sigh.

couldnt find those funny runestones.

U 1011: "Vigmund had this stone carved in memory of himself, the cleverest of men. May God help the soul of Vigmund, the ship captain. Vigmund and Åfrid carved this memorial while he lived."
Frösö Runestone: "Östman Gudfast's son made the bridge, and he Christianized Jämtland"
Dr 212: "Eskill Skulkason had this stone raised to himself. Ever will stand this memorial that Eskill made;"
U 164: "Jarlabanki had this stone put up in his own lifetime. And he made this causeway for his soul's sake. And he owned the whole of Täby by himself. May God help his soul."

uhm..........? supergay. gay gay gay.

aka tourettes. i got that into my head after battling that troll.

just a normie. booooooooooring.

im not a battler.

im a soulreaver. and thats it.

i get why people dont like redheads.

were greenheads. hell, i have green eyes too.

everyone says theyre blue. well, fuck em.

what they really point to.

is the ted gärdestad song

"jag vill ha en egen måne"

where he says

"om man är över 15 vårar finns inga känslor kvar"

"if youre above 15 springs no emotions are left"

well. im greater. i died before i started school.

before i gained conciousness.

thats why they started on us so early.

i guess the vårar / springs has some deeper meaning. dont care.

im normalized now. i am not bipolar.

since i cant fake.

im artsy. and im dumb. thats it.

anyway. fuck the left.

pretending to care about minorities

and animals and the earth and...... why?

great. hate everything. uneasy stomache.

any song sounds annoying. left ear hurts.

who gives a shit? ("i give a shit")

oh. old theory.

you turn into the shadowlands.

when a part of you gets damaged.

thats why they started on us so early.

so. alcohol is great.

because it ruins the ENTIRE body.

so you get the full treatment.

and its cheap. dirty cheap.

no such thing as a foodshortage.

its a boozeshortage.

dont know how to be normal.

dont know how to be gangster.

dont know nothing bout nothing at all.

should delete everything

except. WOAH. im fucking suicidal.

was that easy, huh?

and incest is this really fucked up thing.

and you dont talk about your mom when some girl likes you.

its not a good idea.

triple drama. everyone loses. the samson option.

lets play global thermonuclear war. there are no winners.

anyway. if you have an idea. do it. ignore everything else.

this is called science. this is called art. and thats about it.

i was thinking of starting to just throw out trash through my window.

as some sort of protest. well. i figured it wasnt such a good idea.

i mean, if its not too much. nobody notices nor cares nor complains.

you improve society! yeah! more jobs!

so. i was painting or whatever doodly retarded gay girlie wellness things.

and all of a sudden some new chick also ascribing to this stupidity.

says in a low calm tone.

white purple pink.

and im so great apart from everyone else. surely am.

so she said what my aura looked like. great huh?

the purple is from ("no its from spirituality")

my dead black decaying chipping wisdom tooth. i smell like blueberry jam. to put it lightly.

the pink is creativity. naivity. dont really know. dont care ("do care").

anyway. dont see the point of emotions.

everything can be faked.

känslomänniskor. emotional people. is a paradox.

oh. only 2300 lines. not a lot.

so. made a review of the cleverbot. but it doesnt matter. everybody knows.

like everything else.

why make art when everything exists already?

("to make people happy")

so. could post some outtakes on this on mr poetry site.

but the hope was lost. i got my second genuine comment.

well. it obviously wasnt that.

wanting people to listen you cant just tap them on the shoulder anymore you have to hit them with a sledgehammer and then youll notice youve got their in strict attention

as for saying stupid shit i came up with?

no. everyone knows everything.

if you make the unseen seen it gets obliterated.

("make it beautiful")

k. thanks.

so. played my favorite song to bella.

("youre both beautiful and happy. and smart")

its längesen by petter.

she yells "i had forgotten him".

dont remember more. maybe i came up with an equally shitty song.

stan (now in a modern witch house style)?

adams song? dont really know suicide music.

mass suicide, hecatonchires.

hey. found a pnb record once.

it had a neat futuristic paper cover and....... foliage

("believe in yourself. stop quoting me" i dont remember then "the point isnt to remember, its to feel")

k. great for you. atypicalentity50-11.

couldnt read the artist name. boomerang? i guess.

after half of the record. a weird sample comes up.

you dont want to listen to it.

well. dont have to be logical. show, dont tell. uh. tell, dont show?

cant grasp simple concepts ("no one can")

but then again, your mileage may vary. theres something deep in that.

but the vaccine treatment has killed my mind. and the drugs.

cant really tell between the two.

and its my fault. obviously. i am cyberchrist.

oh. right hand hurting. thats all for now.

i guess i should work on mr poetry site.

nobody cares. but hey.

poor starving forgotten artist.

("all hail" who are you? "you dont wanna know")

great for you. ("it is great. and you")

(no subject)

ok. mr boss has annoyed me twice now.

they changed my reality.

theyll do more tomorrow i guess.

now. whatever i say. theres zero emotional response from the person.

great? i wont change though. but i have to. just. be more of nothing.

ill bitch at him tomorrow again. and theyll make my reality worse.

ok. "have a talk".

theyll bring me down even further. fun.

(no subject)

(no subject)

ok. shouldnt say meow anymore.

(no subject)

oh. i sound like the boss in office space. great. oh. cant say that. great. oh. this doesnt work.

when did this start?

oh. when i got normal. mostly. great.

i started things with

ok

long ago.

didnt write much in school.

fit in. not such a good idea.

i guess i dont really have anything to say. i have no language.

and you acquire language from other people.

i..... cant really write. or say anything.

and trying to talk swedish? well. not a good idea.

if i remove all slang. i realize what ive always been. sad and empty.

(no subject)

if i remove all slang. i realize what ive always been. sad and empty. i guess i should try that. then they see it in my face. but no one will care. come over and hug me. say things will be alright. it was never like that. a choleric. untolerable. i should see people what they are. and be ironic and mean and smart and threatening while simultaneously judging them on their entire history past present. and thats all there is to it. if i think hard and long. ill come up with one of these. but then people talk faster than me. and i lose in 1 second. i could always look into their eyes while doing that. but it wont work. i read people good. but it doesnt matter. everything is a lie. on any and every level. bella was never for real either. theatre. i wrote about that. i didnt know what i was writing. so it wasnt me. so it doesnt matter. and i literally die inside in 1 second around other people if i keep quiet. just like in school. i never changed. they obliterated me. and thats all there is to me. i tried doing art at the same time. but neuroleptics ruin your body. and the brotherhood stole everything. so its futile. so. i finally realized what it was all about. fitting in. pretending to fit in. 2 worlds. and i never understood anything of them. the first is how outside society is. how youre supposed to be. youre never supposed to be like this though. if you act this way, the shadowworld takes care of you. as for what it was like when my parents grew up. i have no idea. everything is a lie. and you fight the lie with the lie. youre supposed to understand this. but i didnt like alcohol. because i was cleaned with it after birth. yugoslavians love this practice. but it doesnt matter. so. modern society. youre supposed to spoil your kids. this has nothing to do with goodness. its to improve your karma. you can molest them while they sleep. no one will know. unprovable. and besides. they know everyone. youll always lose. you cant tell them theyve done wrong. when they have the entire world on their side. you made 4 mistakes. ever.

1) you are 7 years old. you come home after a party at a close neighbor. you hurry to your families house. somehow everyone is close behind. when youre going up the stairs. you hear "now its porno time" dad replies "this is only for adults". you go up, you dont know what "porno" is. you quickly fall asleep. next day, you wake up early hearing your parents fucking. you only like your moms sounds. the next day dad asks mom "do you want to hug?". mom says "i cant. he.."

you ruined your parents sexlife. as a reward. dad starts grabbing your ass. the first time, its when youre 7. you shower upstairs, as thats where you and your sisters room is. you forget to bring clothes. and you cant figure out how to tie a knot on the towel. you figure it will be safe. if you have the towel in front of you. you go down the stairs. when you get off the last step. dad looks at you like hes piss drunk with a sick twisted perverted braindead smile on his face and deals the judgement.

(you tell this to your only psychologist ever. she asks "how could you know that"? she is obviously on his side. she is either bipolar or just takes drugs every other day or when she wants to act however she wants to act naturally.

[you do not know. because your only real relationships fakes everything on every level to get some cheap entertainment from you. she often states that the art youve made of other women must be removed. then her sister says you should remove the art about her and never talk to her again and not even think of her family nor other name nor think it.]

she makes a psychological essay about your upbringing. she interviews your family. you talk a lot like youve done for years. at one point you say that you "have no friends" with everything else.

as a reward you are appointed an autism and aspbergers test together with the iq test. you are unable to grasp the question "do you see the whole or details?". you make an exclusive song about that on RTN GR8 later. you try to answer honestly. the emotion tests are disgusting old men with negative emotions and supermodels for positive emotions. you are able to tell them anyway, but includes strange synonyms of emotional words that are never used nowadays but guess right anyway.

since you lost your only best friend and are unable to get one again it is why you said that. you ask your mother at one point why she exhagerates all the time she answers "or else it doesnt get any fun". you are to get engaged on christmas you are fooled to buy a ring for 3000 seek with not much left afterwards. you have ignored your mother for 2.5 months but she has not ignored you. she somehow gets admitted to your job and spends hours reading the local newspaper and has a look of fury on her eyes. you try to make her go away but she comes back whenever she wants to. they are on her side. no one was ever on your side. except your bestie. but the bullies ruined you. you can remember being at his place and making fun of him just like the bullies do to you. he says nothing. eventually he and the other geek friend turn besties. they have more similar interests and live closer to eachother and their moms like eachother. and they start bullying you and eventually ignore you. in upper grade school the bullying gets worse from the rest of the class and from other people in the school.

at one point the third geek gets bullied by someone younger than him. you 3 geeks skip lunch altogether and go down to the mall and buy cheap candy from an old man at KONSUM who doesnt know how to fix the scale correctly. then you got to the library and read. the 2 others read fantasy books you read photography and science popular literature magazines.

you are told someone

)

he perpetuates this until you move to your own apartment 20 years later. he does it only when youre lying in bed. and facing the wall. you never lose your fear of the dark to this day. it always feels like theres someone in the room. sometimes it feels like youre getting raped. you enjoy it. you write this now and realize its not enjoyment. this is why you havent enjoyed sex.

you start asking your best friend "what would you choose, fuck or die?" sometimes.

you copied your dad. but he did it behind closed doors.

you are at a class party in a class room. 4th grade. one guy plays records. people dance. you sit and look down at the floor for hours and eat the large amount of popcorns your mom made you bring there together with your 3rd geek friend.

at some point the most popular blonde in school asks if you want to dance. you answer no.

for this you were awarded a fat gay thief perverted with pets stalker that gave you potatoe chips so you "would be friends", that calls you up when youre with your best friend and say "its your best friend do you want to play?". your sis tells him off. he doesnt haunt your house but bullies you in school. with other kids around. then the blonde awards you with a second stalker. then it just scaled logarithimically.

when youre in upper grade school. a blonde before you. less tall.

this didnt stop in college. some time in the third year. you look at someone you liked in the third year but you got pimples on your nose all of a sudden in first and she looks at you in disgust and that was the end of it. this time your face blossoms up and you walk out of class while your art teacher tries to make you stop. she says youre sensitive and people should treat you well.

the first day of college youre supposed to take pictures of eachother. the other person a guy says it looks better if you photo from below youre fat and pretend to smile and its a horrible photo and it was obviously done intentionally. you dont grasp the concept of slang and talking behind peoples back.

one time you get to college and dont dare to enter the classroom. you go to the toilet and cry. you start skipping school. you never attended gym class as the second bully has his way with you. nobody speaks against it. someone whos now an internationally famed musician throws a ball in your face you cry and get yelled out for crying. for a short time you cry then you permanently die inside. when you go into chatrooms and say you are bullied. your only response back is "hit them back" or "*hugs*. the first test doesnt work the second bully has stolen your backpack and runs away. you go up to him crying punch him lightly in the stomache he does the same thing back and gives you back your backpack.

you started talking with your besties in class without holding up your hand and waiting your turn since 4th grade. you get a reprimand for biking on the school field. in 6th grade you get to a new school. the first one cant accomodate 6th grade. the first one were barracks on one level and long corridors.

the second one is bigger and many levels and a lot of stairs and many more rooms.

at one point your second bully

you write in your diary that your teacher reads that "bullying shouldnt be allowed to exist". she checkmarks it and thats it and shes with the others and youre not to say no to a blonde. at some time youre awarded to sit next to her in class. your bangs are long and greasy and youve started getting pimples there. you pick them in class. she says "youre bleeding". this is codeword for that she can get pregnant. you realize this 25 years later when you began abusing substances normal people start with in kindergarten. but thats obviously too late. too late for everything.

you lose 64% on an english test for spelling the term for self, i, with a minor letter. you check up the slang of this later and it means a stupid blonde. this fulfills the prophecy later. you do not get this. as you do not hang around people that use slang nor take weed alcohol beer cigarettes snus tea coffee hot cocoa you dont understand any of this until youre in your 30s.



1) you stole your dads money. it was lying out in the open. youd figure he wouldnt tell. you didnt take that much each time. buy trading cards. fit in. throw cards at others cards. that was first grade. quickly got tired of it. betted everything. tried to use baseball caps. were gonna change to a new every day. quickly got tired of it.

im tired i should continue tomorrow. this is who i really am. dead on the inside and sad and unable to express anything. you are a high functioning autist and you fooled the world so well that you dont get the diagnosis but the psychologist wanted to teach you something subliminal but you do not get it as youre blood group A which is the same thing as the lie taurus and they are down to earth and simple and melodramatic.

in kindergarten you have an argument with someone that knows about spiritual things

phase 3 was invented. you are forced to work. before starting you think your life is over and want to make a difference in the world. you have made art for 15 years but no one has really cared. sometimes someone does it temporarily but you scare them away. you are cute at first but quickly turn annoying. they think youre great then all of a sudden turn quiet. they never talk to you again and forget you and it seems all is your fault. they are just like before they met you but worse. you tried to improve the world but did opposite. between 2004-2005 you are on an artsite. you comment random pictures you like lengthily

a week ago you want to play a computer game but it does not work and quickly reinstall your operating system. you no longer have access to your blogg. your only permanent friend since after the suicide attempt is gone. she usually said 1-3 words to you and updated her blog once every third month. is she for real? she has only a few photos. you hallucinate last year when you have no food or money have gotten a double dmt psychosis from your only real girlfriend has left you that that only friend was made up by your sister. because you show her an earlier blog years before. she has stalked you online since then but probably earlier.

you get a horribly flawed computer. you send in the monitor. it gets returned weeks later. it does not work. you call up tech support and they tell you to go into your operating system. you tell them that is not possible and eventually send in the monitor a second time. it finally returns 2 months later. this was an attempt to make you normal. you lie in bed those 2 months or talk to your parents a lot. they say you never listened to their argument only "shut up". your mother calls this practice for many years "essaying". you have many thoughts but no one to say them to. she often goes to your room sits on your bed and says that your bed is so comfortable. she stopped doing this when you were 39. you get mad at her when stripping outside. she never wants to see you again and gets an apartment near your south far down south. she says this is close to the only place outside of your central country youve lived that she can get there in 1.5 hours. you said repeatedly you were to move there to get closer to your girlfriend. she often says shes going to move but thinks between south and north of your country. you know if you move south she will move south if you move north she will move north. you cannot win. she does not say she has reported you but time will tell.

you are given 2 vaccines the year (2021) before eventhough youve read about a plethora of their side effects. because everything is closed. you imagine if you get the vaccines things will open again. it seems to do. after the first vaccine which was saline solution with a short needle adminstered fast you . oh. its turning weird. my head aches. good night.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

everything else has been a lie. but everything is a lie. so it doesnt matter. your reality was shifted today so no one has any emotional output when you talk to them. you asked for this. this was your reward. nothing ever gets better. you can believe and live a lie but thats all. your behaviour to people in real life is set in stone and you will be punished soon greatly. for not abiding by the new ruleset given.

(no subject)

du försöker tillämpa psykologin du använde i tidigare texten.

du går till centrum för att köpa kaffe för att linda huvudvärken.

väl i butiken vet du inte vad du skulle köpa men kommer på det till slut.

du glömmer igen att ladda mobilkortet.

du går till kassan. 2 är före dig. den närmaste pratar om lakringsstångar med kvinnan i kassan. de njuter av konversationen.

du inser igen att allting handlar om sex droger musik pengar. du tror inte det finns någon annan värld. ju mer och ju oftare man får dessa saker desto bättre och gladare människa är man. det finns inget annat.

du förstår inte innebörden av privat och offentligt.

du förstår heller inte skillnaden mellan vänster och höger.

du puttar kaffeburken till kassörskan.

mannen svarar

- va snabb du är

du tänker på ett passande svar med att du väntade på att putta den framåt. innan du hinner säga det får du svaret

- jag menar vad snabbt du puttade kaffet

du blir förolämpad flera gånger. du säger att du är jordnära och inte pratar kreol. du pratar bara svenska.

du blir förolämpad mer.

du svarar ungefär samma sak tillbaka.

- håll käften

du svarar samma sak

den andra parten mumlar något

- håll käften

mannen köper sin lakritsstång och går.

- den är billig. och då menar jag inte att du är billig genom att nämna ordet billig när jag är i din närhet eftersom jag inte förstår kreol

- jag talar bara svenska

- vad gulligt du kopierade mig

du känner dig som en idiot för du använder ett språk som du inte förstår, och du försöker sätta dig upp mot alla vilket inkluderar bland annat muslimska brödraskapet och knivsöder.

du ger henne 100kr och går därifrån.

hon nämner något om växel.

du kommer hem. du skriver detta. du känner inte för att fortsätta tidigare berättelsen.

du kände för att inte koda på svenskadikter längre. så det enda du kan gör är att lägga upp texter som inte går att svara på. formateringen lider.

men du har insett att det ändå inte kommer hända och det är ingen anledning att va naiv.

du hittar en gammal text som någon har svarat på efter detta.

den lyder

"Jag fattar men jag fattar inte like några bitar av den här dikten är bra medans andra delar är som en tolv år tjej skrivit det.

inget hat UwU"

under den är kommentaren också skriven 5 månader sen som lyder

"årig*"

du svarar flera gånger du gör en kosmisk dikt

du gör samma misstag igen du är melodramatisk med mera.

du känner för att kontakta psykologen. får att skicka dessa biografier.

du har gjort det förut när du frågade om analysen hon nekade.

du förmodar att det är den personen på bloggo men den är anonym och att ljuga är enkelt.

dikten va skriven för 10 månader sen.

du får en chans på webbsajter som i verkligheten. om du inte lyckas blir du ensam och dåligt behandlad av resten så länge du stannar där.

du får deja vu. exakt samma sak utspelade sig förut i centrum.

du hörde förra året att deja vu betyder att man är på rätt spår.

du brukade säga såna här saker med mera i snabb takt för att du trodde du var speciell och klok du gör det medans du är glad kvinnan verkar underhållen. män blir bara irriterade.

du skriver för flertals år sen

"behandla andra som du blir behandlad själv"

du skriver dock inte det.

"behandla andra som du vill bli behandlad själv"

du undrar om det är möjligt att någon kontrollerar dig på något sätt överhuvudtaget.

du kommer på igen att du vill ha ett husdjur.

förra gången nämnde du det till människor och flertalet sa att du inte skulle klara av det. du ångrar dig.

som vanligt kommer du på och inser saker för sent.

du bor på ett särskilt boende där man inte får ha husdjur.

du får höra av en boende att chefen på boendet har det.

du hade träffat honom när han började och han hade en dobberman hundvalp med sig.

det hade du inte tänkt på.

du blir arg och vill ge tillbaka.

du inser att han också är från knivsöder och värre än alla andra.

han är som alla du träffat från knivsöder tidigare men också spelar han dum och trög och snäll.

du har aldrig hört honom höja rösten. han beter sig mest som en svag hund.

när du städar din lägenhet får du höra dagen efter att personalen vill hjälpa dig städa.

de vill hjälpa dig dammsuga. du tycker inte om dammsugare för.

när du försöker tala svenska får du höra i din hjärna vad det betyder på kreol. som ett sätt att säga dig att du inte kan vara dig själv. och andra kan ta saker ur kontext reta dig eller anklaga dig för något eller låtsas som om de inte förstår. medans allt du skriver om andra inte är sant.

för du är

scitzofren och (definitioner)

1) du inbillar dig saker

2) du är våldsam. du var det 1 gång 2006.

du skulle gå till kina. du möter någon i en bil.

efter att du gått längre kommer bilen tillbaka. mannen som sitter i förarsidan pratar med din.

du beter dig annorlunda.

polisen kommer inom någon minut.

du får kramp i foten för du har haft på dig lite kläder inklusive trampat ner i en isvak. det sägs att du irrat runt i 5 timmar.

en annan historia som bärättas är att du låg och sov vid ett träd. du kan erirna att du hade en citationsamling som du gjort som din far skrev ut på jobbet som du drag ur citat ut och lämnade slumpmässig när du gick för att påverka världen som du lämnade vid en stor ek.

när poliserna är nära dig visar du ett tidningsklipp som du har med dig i en cykelväska där det står "amany blir anna. svenskklingande namn ska öka chansen att bli anställd" du tycker det är öppensinnat och djupt och vill påverka världen.

du sitter i högra baksätet med den kvinnliga polisen. du pratar massa och är glad att du kan påverka världen. du har inte varit utomhus på flera år.

din mor säger senare att du hade änglavakt. du kan skriva mer om händelserna innan men kommer inte göra det.

om du är

2.a.1) våldsam.

2.a.2) säger emot.

2.a.3) höjer rösten när du inte får.

2.a.4) kritiserar någon. inklusive det psykiatriska systemet.

är du scitzofren igen. och blir straffad

2.b.1)

du erinrar när du gick på högskola. första uppsatsen har ni 3 månader på er att slutföra.

du jobbar 2 månader på den.

senare under en lektion ska man välja samarbetspartners. du har blivit som när du blev mobbad igen. tittar ner och håller tyst.

du orkar inte. du går ut ur klassrummet.

när du kommer ut sitter någon där. hon är försenad och vågar inte gå in.

du ska göra uppsatsen med henne.

ni ska recensera ett kafé.

du hade gått mycket på kaféer innan.

det fanns många där. det är 1 av 3 städer i sverige som kallas för lilla paris.

ni väljer en i förorten du inte varit på.

hon är också en av de få stockholmarna.

du kan erinra

a) hon säger att hon vill bli en krypskytt

b) du frågar henne om hon röker. hon svarar ordagrant i år månader och dagar när hon slutade.

c) hon tycker om att träna och dricka ute med sina vänner.

på kafét stannar ni inte länge.

du har inte mycket att säga eller tycka. du har mest pratat med dina föräldrar innan. du vet inte hur man pratar med människor.

god natt.

3)

du trycker på "publish" på ditt konto på dreamwidth.org

du får felmeddelandet.

"Error 502 Ray ID: 73835b0efdd7993c • 2022-08-09 20:48:58 UTC
Bad gateway
You
Browser
Working
Stockholm
Cloudflare
Working
www.dreamwidth.org
Host
Error
What happened?
The web server reported a bad gateway error.

What can I do?
Please try again in a few minutes.

Cloudflare Ray ID: 73835b0efdd7993c • Your IP: Click to reveal • Performance & security by Cloudflare"

du försöker lägga upp den på svenskadikter.com

den verkar ladda som vanligt.