(no subject)

hey. i have my own website finally. it took awhile. i dont know if its better or worse. but. hey.

if its difficult to navigate here. well. i am who i am. its not me the real me. but like they say. you see it the way you are. i am more me now. times change. get better. and worse. and more normal.

if you want to tell someone something. you shouldnt tell it. you should show.

now im gonna look up black rainbow music. dont know if theres anything better or worse. but its me. maybe. it depends.

(no subject)

so. found a. uhm. emoji combo site. it sort of explains everything. show dont tell. fun. so i heard that i sound like i got all my knowledge from wikis. well. got lots of compliments in devart back in the days. i didnt take notice really. until now. its lonely. but. hey. i used the word abscrynge. great for me. i dont know what it means. so. i got the recommendation to have my tv or radio on to sleep better. neither worked for me. then i tried to listen to a movie while sleeping. that started everything. it felt like a nightmare. now i have nightmare 24 7. its better. but. hey. so i researched on the word god. whatever i looked i found it means the lord of destruction. you said ive been mean. but also that youre free from pain and suffering. so that means i judged you. im not quite sure what happens then. 4 day people. dont really know what that means. there is only 1 false prophet and infinite legends. who do you want to be. everyone knows this obviously. he who knows does not say he who says does not know. those who can do those who cannot talk. and im all talk. so the ultimate reality is fractal universe. so that explains why i dont think ive been reborn. have i had ancient dreams. no. maybe. but i guess its because im on newtonian level. im not better than anyone. oh right how many times did i leave you. eight times. maybe. and most give up after the first. so youre special. i seem to switch between serial killer and some vapourwave loser. anyway. i shouldnt talk. at all. i should. uhm. do art. oh wait nobody cares. i tried to go to town. oh my god. bad idea. the ultimate death curse in 3 normal words. but the parasite said so the day before. and it controls me. no way several exclamanation marks. anyway playing an mmorpg these days made me realise how the elites live their lives. they get stuff for free they gain knowledge for free. then when theyre tired of that they go around killing people. jesus christ. no karma doesnt exist. you destroy things. then you control them. then you do so with the entire universe and beyond. then youre the lord of destruction. you control everything. but its just your world. but you control everything. so yeah you can change everything. you gain knowledge. then you aim it at the right target. that easy.

(no subject)

so. was gonna make a computergame. for those who have imagination and emotions. but its just depressing. i prefer feeling smart with using words. if i use emojis its. well. depressing. so i know sourcecode. great for me. everyone else knew that ages ago. if you win a fight you get someone more difficult. and i just want to be happy. and it has never been about that. so. i have a brotherhood. i didnt realise that until recently. dont talk with opera people. opera is about theatre. dear god. and when i write i see it from another perspective. and i sound like a freak. if i do art or make someone happy. well. im tired of that. sad smiley. anyway. my full social id says everything. and i never got anything of that. i just acquired minimal wiki knowledge and spammed it at people. that has been my modus operandi since. i dont know. too long. and now its too late. i know things. but i dont see the point of it. anyway. there are people who have root access to the internet. to the universe. and they wont give me that info. lol. obviously. anyway im just fulfilling moms wish. and dad fulfilled her wish. im not lonely. just sad. passive aggressiveness is the only way to go. i cant make other people happy anymore so im not happy. my true form is mummy. i know youre not supposed to talk about that. but. hey. then theres also vampire and then zombie. youre not supposed to talk about that either. but. hey. and there are worse things. but the brotherhood protects me. so the only animal i can be is dog or cat. i guess its a popular analogy here. being a spacebear? isnt that the same as spacemummy? i can see my whole life clearly now. and it was just signs. if you analyze it you see the components. so the computergame was gonna be about that. but. no. i can work around 5 hours on a project. then it just stops. as for making books. i had a lot of projects before. now i should make some shitty music that no one cares about. i mean they do. and i affect things. but truth doesnt make you happy. only death does. and there are conciousness states which can kill mummys. so having a world party is fun until ayn shows up. oh. i learned something new. great for me. i am the anology of cinderella here. great for me. and im also death. and other things. if youre happy you dont talk about it. so if i make someone happy they dont say it. obviously. and happiness is a fraud. anyway. x with a line above. not good. i see my future in front of me now. but because of the parasite theres no chance of it happening. you could take a chance. but you only have 1 chance. so. hopeless. you could get high and drunk. but i cant take much. yes there really are people who snort diamonds. strong folks. anyway i made a silly dragon story about that. no one has really said anything about it. but i dont get happy from compliments. just happy from making people happy. and if theres 1 around who attacks me (OH WAIT EVERYONE) i feel like shit automatically. so i home in on people like a tractor beam. doesnt always work. i cant really use mass social media. if i say something it just gets deleted. anyway guys i meet are just a reflection of my dad. nothing else. so people dont experience what i do. i met one. but. uh. she said i was her boyfriend. then we didnt talk more. those imagination emotion people are strange. if you get a judgement from a higher power. what are you gonna do. you could whine about it. but its still there. written in stone. i cannot live i cannot die. that parasite is awesome. anyway miss mom said mine and hers work is gonna be in a museum. whoooooooooooo cares. sad sad smiley. anyway normal people get high and drunk when theyre happy sad anything. i dont have that. but its my fate and its just great. i tried to write a self biography but it just doesnt work. its just embarassing. and i delete everything. except i found a site which is FREE!!!!!!!!!!! except that doesnt exist. i lose no matter how i try. anyway it wasnt said this about oxes. but a+ blood group mentions theyre melodramatic, supersad. so i am that. and thats just it. and everyone speaks in riddles. and i never got anything of it. so i crushed someone. he came back. made art about me. AWESOME. except he has friends and all that. this repeated. A COUPLE OF TIMES. lol. to say the least. daikatana omg such a nice concept !!!!!!!!!!!!!!. etc. it is said INTP with NI dominance means you process things in the background. which is why my life and reality etc is so GOD DAMN BORING. supersupersupersad. so i heard theres 60 to 70 per cent blondes here. it obviously means something else. 666. number of the beast. angels are the problem. they go around being quiet and sad or happy and smiley. and its not about that. so i write and lived things that happened before. even more depressing. because of the parasite i have no self conscience then. me against the world. etc. lalalal allala la. anyway the countess and anti countess fighting over me is fun. the anti shape thought she could get anyone she wanted. well i dont know that. i see whatever the higher power wants to present to me. if people wanna lie and manipulate they do that. its what the world is about. wheeeeeeeeeeee. etc. and if i do live something again. i get. uhm. a couple of bytes of new insight. this is my world. havent met anyone like that. im a fucking joke. anyway my brotherhood is a good one. its trolls and angels. maybe. great combo. when i was skinnier i looked like a warrior. other times i looked like a troll asof now. anyway i could make people happy but again thats not what its about. i could get more tatus but again nothing is good. im like a stranger in an even more strange place. anyway ill post this on the backup site. its not good but nothing is. so. hey. anyway female erotica is just like any other story. its nothing special. mine did do good to 1 person that im aware of. but thats it. oh miss other person, that is, miss 2, got pissed of. well. ok. i am like that. sorry. i was gonna crush the greys. but it had already happened. and i made the same mistakes again. im great. if you fight someone stronger than you. you lose over time. not a good idea. but what is. except drunk and high. a raised x. probably not something good. appropriation. great. so you have 1 of my books. wow i have really succeeded there. raised x ten thousand. quite a lot. anyway i was gonna buy a whore. but shed kill me. or something worse. bla bla bla etc.